


Loving You - Part 1

by 3HKate



Category: Shefani, The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-26 12:13:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 71,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13235520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3HKate/pseuds/3HKate
Summary: Almost a year after his devastating divorce 39-year-old Blake Shelton is still a coach on season 11 of The Voice and all he wants is to focus on music and mentor upcoming artists. One blind audition later he meets Gwen, a beautiful one-of-a-kind contestant who has a painful story of her own.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Reposting this after taking time away from the internet.  
> Chapter 7 is new. Updates will be slow due to real life.

Blake takes a deep breath and runs his hands through his hair while slouching back into the chair. It spins around to face the audience for the umpteenth time that day. They are currently on day four shooting the Blind Auditions for season 11. It had been a long couple of days at The Voice studio for himself as well as the other coaches, Alicia, Adam and Pharell.

Coincidentally each of them has only one more spot remaining on their team and they've decided to extend filming to wrap up the Blinds today. Sitting up straight Blake remembers he's being filmed and gets ready to listen to the next unknown artist coming up. None of the coaches had turned for the last three contestants. He silently prays for only one more good enough singer to complete his team.

Slow notes to a bittersweet and soulful rock-ballad he's vaguely familiar with start filling the stage. But it isn't until a raw and broken female voice follows, that he suddenly feels like his heart and whole being are about to be broken again.

Adam instinctively turns for her during the first chorus as her hauntingly slow and wounded voice increases in volume to demand their attention.

Seconds later, Pharell and Alicia both push their buttons as the female singer enters her second verse and the audience goes wild. She captivates all of them and sways closely to ground, pulled to it almost by the heaviness of her song while managing not to lose control of her voice.

Only Blake hasn't pressed his button yet; to anyone watching he is visibly shaken up. All he hears are emotions that send him back to some of the darkest days of his life and he is not prepared to encounter them this way. The heartbreaking sounds of the woman's alto range from smooth, sensual notes to low and painful vocals that she delivers with a strength and presence that are unlike anything he has heard before. He cannot fathom how a person could carry this much pain and still go on to perform. He is propelled into a world completely his own.

During her last chorus she almost seems to collapse in agony. Blake snaps back into reality and hammers his button. The audience explodes.

His chair spins to the stage and his co-stars are already standing, cheering wildly.

When he finally sees her, his heart doubles its pace.

She is a delicate wonder of blonde curls and radiant appearance, her slender physique accentuated by a funk-meets-classics outfit he doesn't quite know what to make of. They are often surprised on the show but Blake almost refuses to believe the incredible voice he had just heard belongs to this so seemingly innocent woman before him.

As the audience keeps cheering she looks around, still emotional but relieved, her head swerving from left to right across the coaches' chairs.

She pauses and eventually meets his gaze. Blake feels like a train crashed into him. Deeply pained chocolate brown eyes meet his blue gaze and he's certain he doesn't imagine the tears in them. For a moment he is not aware of what else is going on. This sensitive woman wears her emotions on her sleeves and he wonders again how she is hurt so terribly but able to find the strength to perform the way she did.

She is beautiful, absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. In this instant Blake knows he needs her on his team. He needs to hear her sing again all by himself. He needs her to win this show. But above all, he needs to take away her pain and see her laugh and look at him. Only him.

She smiles timidly, blinks away the moisture in her eyes and momentarily shifts her gaze to the ground.

Finally the audience calms down so the coaches can speak. Adam jumps out of his chair and jogs over to Blake. He had been watching his country singer friend out of the corner of his vision. Everybody on The Voice knew what went on in Blake's private life during the last year. Blake could not have kept the news of his impending divorce from them. Still, nearly twelve months later, only Adam, a few other close friends and his family knew how much he still struggled. Blake, pretending not to be a mess while on national TV, was worth an Oscar-nomination in itself.

Adam goes on to make fun of Blake and gets some decent laughs that manage to distract the cameras from revealing too much of Blake's emotional state. His friend gestures towards the stage:

“Man, I am like so glad you made Blake cry, because he knows he pushed last and, clearly, should not have a chance with you!”

Adams hugs him in true bromance fashion and pats his head for a make-believe cheer-up before he finally addresses the mystery woman on stage. Mission to distract the world accomplished.

“Please, tell us your name.“

“My name is Gwen Stefani. I am 32 years old and from Anaheim, California,” she speaks into the microphone with an unexpectedly gentle and lovely voice.

“Well Gwen, that was an amazing performance,” Adams goes on.

“Really, let me just tell you how absolutely stunning everything about you is to me. If this was the finale and you were on my team, you and me, we would have won this competition right here, right now!” The audience erupts into another cheering frenzy and backs him up.

She laughs as another waves of relief seems to sweep through her and and she can barely believe what Adam says. God, she's humble and quite overwhelmed with the four-chair-turn she earned. Adam continues to sing her praises and soon Alicia and Pharell join him in gushing about Gwen's extraordinaire vocal delivery. They explain how the sheer rawness and honesty in her voice made them feel and how they would absolutely love to help guide her incredible talent into something even more great and unique during the show.

The three of them go back and forth in their battle and Blake lets them, if only to have a few more moments to simply study Gwen. He can barely take his eyes off her.

As he gets ready to take the floor, Adam throws one last quip his way,

“So, the Cowboy not only turned around last but apparently doesn't even know what to say. Let me just stress this point: If he cries every time you sing and then can't even talk to you, there won't be much coaching from him. I am just telling the truth for you to consider.”

Blake shakes his head at Adam and ignores the rivaling comments. He collects himself before looking directly at Gwen and goes on in a voice still not completely his own.

“Well, Gwen, to be honest, I know exactly what I'd like to say.”

She looks at him with patient curiosity and hugs the microphone to her chest.

“To me, your performance tonight has been the single most incredible and heartbreaking rendition I have heard on this show and in my life.”

The studio suddenly becomes quiet as all eyes are on him. Contrary to his usual humor and banter, this is the most serious and focused Blake has ever spoken to a contestant. It doesn't really matter who else is listening, it appears he is talking to her alone.

“It didn't feel like you were singing as part of an audition. This wasn't really about your range, or your perfect pitch or the unique tone of your voice. You do have all of these things; but I heard you experiencing and sharing this unspeakable pain that would break each of us. You were incredibly brave and vulnerable in sharing this piece of yourself. I honestly don't know how you did it.

“The way you portrayed your emotion through that song was phenomenal and it had all of us turn around for you. It took me so long to push my button because I needed to process what was happening for me. I believe your gift is to channel your emotions through your beautiful voice and touch people's hearts and souls. I couldn't say which genre might suit you best or whether I or one of these great coaches here would be the best fit for you, but I do want you to know this:

“I _heard_ you, Gwen. With all of my heart, body and soul – I heard you – and I felt what you were feeling every single second you were performing. ” He pauses for an honest appeal. “ I believe this is your gift, Gwen. If I could be your coach I would make damn sure that your emotions and how you express them would be the heart of every performance.“

Blake exhales as the audience starts applauding again, softly smiling up to her and glad his thoughts had not come out like a complete mess. Almost as an afterthought, he grins and adds, “Of course I would also love to see you laugh and work this place up in a really fun way. You would be absolutely amazing!”

He feels better now that he's gotten his own emotions off his chest and by the thoughtful look on her face, she didn't seem to think him a complete fool for being so dramatically honest.

His co-stars are fair and experienced enough to let his words be the last and Alicia takes the honors to prompt Gwen to make her most important decision:

“Gwen, who do you pick as your coach?”

Blake can't really bear to hear her answer and resigns himself to his fate. She is not the type of contestant for whom he feels comfortable begging and playing himself up for the sake of TV. It is so unlikely for her to pick him, an aging country-artist with a bad year in the tabloids, over any of his three co-coaches that are widely and publicly successful. She deserves the best she can get.

Finally, Gwen is ready to announce her decision and she almost doesn't hesitate.

“I pick ... Blake!”

The audience buzzes wildly in surprise.

He feels like he is falling and doesn't know how to stop. He is shocked and elated, staring at her and unable to speak. God, she truly chose him! How did that happen? The reality of getting to have her on his team is both thrilling and equally intimidating. It’s all he can do to smile quietly to himself as the rest of the coaches congratulate Gwen. She comes by his chair on her way backstage and stops to stand before his long frame. Their eyes meet again and this time they both smile at each other. Gwen can't stop herself in the excitement of the evening; she reaches up to give Blake a brief hug.

“Thank you so much for everything you said! I'm really looking forward to working with you.”

“It's an honor, Gwen. You were absolutely brilliant.”

Blake's eyes shine in a way they haven't for years. He has to get back to his chair but waits to watch her until she retreats backstage.

Blake is the first to declare his team full; Alicia, Adam and Pharell take about another hour to select and battle for their final contestants. He goes through the motions of applauding and congratulation their choices without really taking notice of them. He cannot stop thinking about his own latest artist. Somehow he can still feel the light softness of her small hands on his shoulder.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Two days after wrapping their Blind Auditions, Blake takes a final look into the mirror and adjusts the collar of his plaid shirt to his satisfaction. He is about to meet his team in one of studio's lounges for a small get-together and he is looking forward to getting to know everybody a little more.

It's not something every coach does but he honestly enjoys spending extra time with his contestants before their rehearsals and scheduled filming. In earlier seasons it had been a good way to fill the days when he was stuck in Los Angeles and he believes the extra attention contributed to the number of wins he had. This year, well, ever since separating from Miranda really, he didn't like to spend much time back in Oklahoma or Nashville. Instead, investing in his team's chances and their success seemed his only worthwhile occupation for the time being. He might be going overboard a little but the producers to let him do his thing and no contestant had complained so far.

Today he'll also see _her_ again and that leaves him, well, a little nervous he guesses. Blake can't remember the last time he's been anything but laid-back about hanging out with new people, but knowing that Gwen will be there is somehow both compelling and slightly distracting. Technically, they've already met, he realizes that. But it's not that he knows anything about her other than that her audition had left him with a combination of being vulnerable and intrigued and that it had set off an odd amount of protectiveness in him.

Three hours later he had gone to meet his new group of artists, reintroduced himself and personally welcomed every singer to his team. There was coffee and sodas and snacks to help break the ice and he bids his time until his team members truly realize that there is very little Hollywood about him, making him one of the most easy-going and approachable guys in the city as long as you weren't working for the tabloids.

This season's group combined an abundance of impressive talent, shared between the more usual country-hopefuls as expected for this team, as well as a few select individual artists, such as Gwen. He had given them his little introductory speech and advice about what it meant to be a developing artist and participating in a reality show. The TV show would be a very exposed platform for them to perform professionally and yes, there was a prize attached for the winner. But in his opinion, the opportunity for each of them to connect with like-minded people and their chance to learn and to be encouraged to focus on their own strengths in masses of varied talents far outweighed the initial goal of the show. So whether they went from the Blinds just up to the Battles or all the way to the Finale, it was them personally who decided how much they'd ultimately benefit from the experience.

He went on to explain his main commitment to them in mentoring their musical development as best as he could and possibly furthering their chances to become professional musicians and was met with a heartfelt round of applause. After ten seasons his presence on the show had grown into a certain role that didn't quite match his private persona anymore. There was nothing initially wrong with that because he does still use his expertise during filming and they were in the entertainment sector after all. But finding his actual goal in working closely with growing artists had come gradually to him and the general audience wouldn't realize how much he truly cared.

Blake enjoyed talking to the guys and girls until people started to say their goodbyes to follow their respective afternoon plans. Blake noticed Gwen was one of the few remaining and couldn't be more pleased. They'd only exchanged pleasantries so far but he'd be lying to himself if he didn't admit that he immensely enjoyed watching her mingle and laugh during the course of the afternoon. He finds her stylish in form fitting jeans, a rock-band t-shirt and a comfortable blazer but so natural and relaxed at the same time that she'd probably fit in with anyone no matter the occasion. Soft blonde curls framed her face again and she looks younger than he first realized with little but well-done make-up completing her look. As if on point Gwen appeared to be getting along really well with his mostly country-minded group and she was great about sharing sightseeing tips with the people who had travelled. After the intensity of her audition Blake welcomed the happier energy in Gwen. Everything in her appearance and expressions was a shining light he wanted to get close to. He couldn't be luckier as at the end it was only him and her left.

Gwen is not especially pressed for time this afternoon but she doesn't mind following the flow of the day.

“I guess I should get going, as well. Thank you for putting this on, Blake. It was great to meet everybody on the team this way.”

“You seemed to be having a good time,” Blake observes with a friendly country drawl and she flashes him a wide smile in return.

“Oh, I really have! Like, I'm just soaking it all in. Everybody is so talented. I still can't believe I'm here, to be honest. I love being so inspired.”

“You belong here just as much as everybody else.“ Blake smiles at her. He appreciates her unhindered joy and Gwen's enthusiasm is so infectious, it sparks a sudden idea in him.

“If you don't have plans or anything, do you feel like seeing some more of this place?”

“Yes! Wow, absolutely! Do you not mind?” She's excited alright, he laughs to himself.

“Not at all. I should have given all of you the tour.” Right now Blake was not ashamed to downplay his eagerness in spending a little more time with her.

Blake leads the way up two rounds of stairs to where his personal rehearsal studio is set up. Following his invitation, Gwen steps into the room and spins around in awe as she takes in her surroundings. It's full of lush, comfortable furnishings and dozens of art pieces expertly placed around the space. Hit singles from previous seasons are mounted on the walls and an ample choice of instruments stands ready for them and the band.

Gwen is fascinated. “Is this where our team rehearses and you'll coach us?”

“Yep. Right here.”

”Wow, I really like this place! It's really relaxing and so inspiring and musical at the same time.”

“Good. That's what I wanted it to be. The more comfortable it's in here, the easier it seems for people to try and come out of their comfort zone or rehearse in a way they haven't before. That's the idea at least. The younger people especially seem to love it.” Gwen laughs in appreciation, not quite sure if she's included in that count or not.

Next she finds his awards for winning the show neatly lined up in the nearest corner. She is momentarily dazzled, her fingers gently grazing his engraved name on the last one. “You keep these in here?” she asks in surprise.

“Oh yeah, easier to keep track this way,” Blake jokes. “I wanted to give them to Adam at first. You know, really letting him know what he was missing ... don't know why he wasn't going for it.” To Gwen's amusement, Blake doesn't hide his little-boy grin recounting the memory.  
_In reality he had stopped caring about trophies when his marriage had fallen apart. He only kept these particular ones in sight to remind himself of the people whose life he had made better, instead of the opposite as his ex-wife had accused him of in numerous fights, and the knowledge stops him from getting stupidly drunk on bad nights. He needs to be finished with that particular part of his former life as well._

Bubbly and impressed Gwen continues her exploration of the studio. Blake thinks about opening another soda but instead opts to grab the nearest acoustic guitar and settles himself into one of two armchairs alongside the piano. This is the most natural he knows to be, with the instrument buffering his uncertainty. She's here in his space, charming and undeniably gorgeous; he needs to calm down his nerves and busy his hands. Gracefully Blake picks along the strings to elicit random chords and sinks into their familiarity as Gwen wanders around.

“Will you play something for me?” Gwen's cheerful voice jolts Blake out of his thoughts. His heart skips a beat.

_God, yes, he would love to play for her, if he can still remember how with her suddenly standing this close._

He shuts his eyes for a moments, taps a rhythm on his instrument and picks the first real song that comes to his mind.   
  
Light and easy his gentle strumming begins the arrangement and he waits for her to pick up the melody as he goes on. Gwen knows this one, of course she does. She beams in recognition and hums along, ready to join in.

_“Here comes the sun.”_

Her alto is low and silky smooth in harmony with Blake. _  
_

“ _Here comes the sun.”_  
Blake looks up to her, immediately taken in by her compassionate presence as she sings. _  
_

“ _And I say … it's all right.”_  
His mind gives way to the tranquil drumming of his blood as they continue the song.  


His fingers find their place on the strings by themselves and Blake can't help being drawn into the vulnerability and magnitude of emotions she puts in this simple sing-along. He doesn't have a conscious choice anymore. He's heard her sing twice,he barely knows her, and yes, he's already beginning to fall for her.

 Gwen's voice subtly evens out with the last lyrics, her tender gaze focused on Blake.

“That was really nice.” 

Blake nods. It was so much more than  _nice_ , they both knew, but they were not in a place where she could name what singing to Blake's guitar playing felt like. 

“I didn't think you'd be into the Beatles,” she questions aloud as she joins him, settling herself into the armchair facing across Blake. 

“Are you country guys even allowed to like anything else?” She clearly teases him now. 

Blake grins, “Sometimes. But only if its really good.”   
  
He's nervous still, looking for any topic that would get her to talk about herself a little bit.  
  
“What do you do when you don't audition for a reality TV show, Gwen?”

Gwen considers him for a moment, almost biting her lower lip. He's been so kind and seems genuinely interested. She shouldn't be worried she decides. It's easy to share this part of her life.

“I, um ... I guess the short answer is, I have a little boy, I work part-time, and I'm currently going to school to finish my degree.

“Oh, you're really busy then!”

 Gwen hums in acknowledgement. “That's true, but I wouldn't have it any other way at the moment.”

"How old is your son?” Interestingly, it's the first of the three topics he asks about.

“He only turned three a couple of weeks ago. His name is Kingston. He just started pre-school and it's pretty exciting for both of us. He's growing up so fast. Too fast really.” Gwen lights up in a completely different way when she speaks of her son and Blake easily sees her loving and nurturing a little boy looking just like herself.

“I bet he's really proud of you.”

Gwen nods. “He is. He definitely knows his momma is going to sing on TV. He keeps asking about it,” she laughs.

“He must be your biggest fan.”  
  
“Maybe,” Gwen grins self-consciously. “I started singing to him the minute I knew I was pregnant. Now we just do it all the time, like when I'm cooking, or we're in the car, or out getting groceries. Oh, and when he goes to sleep of course. You probably think I'm the biggest dork.  
  
“Please, no, that sounds adorable! You guys must have a lot of fun.”

_Yeah, they do, Gwen reminds herself. But they also sing because it had been the only way she was able to keep herself sane for her son when everything else in her life had started falling apart. He's the biggest motivation to get her future in order._

“Kingston's also one of the reasons I decided to go back to school. I dropped out of Fullerton a few classes before graduating with everybody else. It's a lot harder now but I'm really grateful to be back.”

“You sound very committed.”

“Oh, believe me, I am! I love everything about it. I'd like King to grow up knowing that it's never too late to finish something that's really important to you, no matter the circumstances. We make it work.”

Blake is impressed by her determined ambition. It's not like he has any life goals at the moment.

“Would I be too forward asking about your major?”

Gwen hesitates again, although Blake would probably be the last person to question her choices.

“It's Music,” Gwen admits quietly. “Vocals and Song-writing, to be exact.”

Blake's rests his face in his hands and studies her softly.

“That sounds amazing, Gwen. I know we've only just met but I honestly couldn't imagine anything more perfect for you. I love that music is such a serious part in your life, it must be really important to you.”

Gwen weighs his words and waits to answer him.

“It is. It's … everything now; together with Kingston. I got off track for a long time; I thank God daily for allowing me to have both in my life.

Somehow they got drawn into a deeper conversation and Blake gives her time to collect herself. She seems so accepting of his interest but remains very private at the same time. He can't help himself, he's desperate to learn who else is important to her. He chooses his next words carefully.

“So it's just you and your son at home?”

“Yeah”, Gwen replies disheartened, the pain in her eyes flaring up as she nods in acknowledgement. “But he's such a great little boy; and there's also my parents and my brother and sister-in-law and their kids. We're all really close. I couldn't do it without them.”

Blake lets her answer sink in, suddenly gloomy himself. The last thing he wanted was to make her feel sad. _She's a single mother,_ he thinks to himself, _her boy is still so young, not an easy life for her._ He decidedly doesn't ask about the person she left out and steers into a different direction instead.

“Did they all come to see you audition?”

“Yes! I think they were more nervous than I was; they were having such a blast! It's amazing how supportive they are, though none of them expected me to pick you as my coach,” Gwen reports still in disbelieving laughter. “Believe me, there was a long discussion during family dinner that night.”

It's Blake's turn to laugh. “I'd be shocked if your family didn't support you. You're amazing, Gwen. Don't be too hard on them, even _I_ didn't expect you to pick me.”

She looks at him humorously, “Sorry, you're stuck with me now.“

“I wouldn't have it any other way!” Blake smiles widely. “But I wonder, who else would you've picked? _Please_ don't say Adam!”

“Well, actually, maybe … ” Gwen is stopped by her own powerful giggles as she watches Blake staring at her suddenly appalled.

“You can't be serious! No, I did not just hear you say that, oh please, say you're joking!” Blake's half-hiccuping from horror and laughter himself, “you can _never, ever_ tell him, Gwen. Promise me!”

“Alright, alright,” Gwen holds up her hands in silent apology, still laughing, “my lips shall be sealed forevermore.”

“Good!” Blake is somewhat relieved. And then part of him really wants to know. “Why did you choose me?”

Gwen holds his inquisitive gaze and becomes serious again as she formulates her response.

“After my audition, you weren't joking around with me. I felt that you understood so well what singing means to me and how I want to use it. There was a way you were looking me ...” Gwen stops herself because she really doesn't want to say out loud what it had felt like to have this handsome and prominent man watching her with tear-filled eyes after she had finished her song.

“If I'm honest, you also said something very specific that I hadn't realized part of me needed to hear.” She pauses again. “Everybody was so, so kind and wonderful with their feedback. I just think I was meant to choose you,” inadvertently Gwen blushes,” as a coach, I mean.

Blake smiles encouragingly, “I'm really glad you did, Gwen. I truly meant everything I said.”

She avoids his gaze then, uncertain how to deal with his caring honesty.

Going with her last reaction Blake is not sure if he might be right but he believes she may have shared more than she had intended to. But he is fine with that. Perhaps it's only in his head, anyway. They lose trail of the conversation for the moment and it's surprisingly comfortable not to feel like they have to fill the silence, even when they've gotten so serious and personal while knowing each other only briefly.

Eventually Gwen shifts more comfortably into the back of her seat and takes another sip from her glass. “What about your family?”

Blake is slightly surprised she'd want to know but he did just ask about hers so turn about is fair, he concludes.

“My mom and her husband live back home in Oklahoma. My sister and some old friends as well. They enjoy staying here with me now and then. We're fairly close but I don't see them that often, when they're not visiting. I don't really … like to go back there at the moment.“ Blake's voice falls at the end and he wants to kick himself.

Gwen gazes up at him, both concern and unexpected understanding in her voice. “That's okay, it's really none of my business. I shouldn't have asked.”

“It's fine, honestly. I asked about your family first and you just shared some pretty personal things with me.” Blake decides to rip off the band-aid on his own ghosts sooner rather than later. “My divorce is very old news. Everybody not living under a rock for the past year knows.”

“Um,” Gwen begins apologetically, “after what you said to me in my audition, I wanted to find out about your music. I seriously did live under a rock pretty much for the past year. I wasn't looking for gossip or anything... I just couldn't not read about it. I didn't mean to make you feel bad.”

She's so genuinely honest and tender-hearted Blake believes her on the spot. He hopes she can feel that he really doesn't mind her finding out this way.

“Thanks. Don't worry about it. It was horrible when it happened, but there was no way around it. That part of my life at least is over now.” Blake pauses, “I'm just ... not doing that great with everything that's left. Not many people know and I intend to keep it that way.”

Gwen meets his admission with an acceptance and sensitivity he couldn't have believed to be true. More than anything it felt like she knew exactly what he was talking about. “I don't think it would be fair for anyone to expect you to just be fine. Grieving takes time and it's so difficult every single day. It can be as private as you need it to be. Thanks for letting me know.”

It's Blake's turn not to look at her, he has too many thoughts running through his head. _Why had nobody talked to him about grieving before? Is that what he's being doing for the past eleven months? And how can it be so simple to talk to Gwen, who is so beautiful and sensitive and hurt herself, but seems to get him even when he himself doesn't. She just listens and offers comfort, all within an hour of talking to him._

“So, what did you think about my music?” He needs to joke and distract them both.

Gwen laughs, finding the change of topic equally amusing.

“I really liked it. I haven't been listening to much country-music until now. Like, at all, I think. But there were a lot of songs I really got into, so I spent the last two nights on YouTube and iTunes and don't you dare make fun of me.”

Blake does grin a little but he is so inwardly pleased that he just makes a mental note to keep his teasing for later. Instead he goes on to list all the main artists and genres and sub-genres she could look out for and Gwen laughs at him, clearly overwhelmed by the onset of information. They banter back and forth for a while longer, holding on comfortably to their newly found connection.

Then Gwen seems to gather her courage and asks something else he is completely unprepared for.

“Is it true that today is your birthday?”

She's almost a hundred percent certain it is, at least if the internet is correct. June 18th has been listed next to all his other personal information that she couldn't avoid, yet asking him privately is so much more polite. If she's right, he's turning forty today, she won't let that go unacknowledged.

Blake is uncomfortable, he doesn't know how to react but he certainly won't lie to her.  
  
“Yeah, it is.” He sounds dejected, his words a solemn confession. He honestly would have preferred not to be reminded.

“And you're spending it here with us? With me?” Gwen couldn't be kinder in her gentle inquisition, he gives her that.

“As good a place as any. I'm not really into celebrating.” Blake avoids going back to the previous topic. “I'd rather just focus on the show and you guys,” he admits, “and Adam insists on having me over tonight.”

Of course Gwen picks up on his unease, but she seems positively glad she asked.

“Adam sounds like a good friend. I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I'm really glad you're not alone today…”

Gwen's doe-like brown eyes affectionately wash over him as she stands to lean across the space between them. Without hesitation she presses a tender kiss on his left cheek.

“Happy Birthday, Blake.”

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

A week later Gwen has spent her first afternoon officially rehearsing with Blake and her battle partner James.

To accommodate and balance the newly formed teams, those who lived in or sufficiently close to Los Angeles would rehearse once a week, whereas singers from over the country would come in about a week previous to filming and go into intensive preparation mode then. There probably was an upside and downside to each option, but for Gwen, the weekly rehearsals fit best into her routine anyway. Kingston goes to preschool three mornings a week, she usually drops him off and spends the next hours working. Her timetable at school varies with classes set for mornings or afternoon, so she has worked out a system that alternates between her, or her mom or dad picking up Kingston for playtime and activities. However, she makes it a priority to spend all of her free mornings and afternoons with him herself. Evenings already belong to only them; Kingston plays or chatters next to her while she cooks and she gets to love her sleepy, cuddly boy during his bedtime routine. She wants him to have as much stability as possible, for his sake and her own. Only at night, after he's tucked in bed and fast asleep, does she take the time to study and do homework, put in some more work time, or catch up on left-over household chores.

Gwen is on her way home now, driving by her parents' house to pick up Kingston. She had brought him over in the morning, before heading to school, and finished class just in time to get to the Voice studio. Her day so far had been a full one but she's still exhilarated.

Along with James she has also met Blake's mentor Luke Bryan and together the four of them had worked on the first run-through of their battle song. Blake had put a lot of thought into choosing a song that would allow James and her to showcase their distinctive strengths and abilities. It also had more of an upbeat rhythm to it, helping to distinguish from what they each had auditioned with.  
  
Gwen was glad she had been in the rehearsal space the week before; it would have been too much to take it all in today. Instead she felt immediately inspired, comfortable, and ready to get to work, pretty much like Blake had said he wanted his team to feel in there.

Her teammate James turned out to be a fantastic singer, not surprising since he was on Blake's team. He had more soul than country to his style but carried such an original and smooth tone in his voice that he stood out even apart from these genres. He was a really fun guy as well, about the same age as her. Gwen noticed his good looks and the extra attention he tried to give her; it was easy to joke with him and goof off about their lyrics. But if she was honest, she was simply trying not to observe more than was professional of Blake Shelton, who sat only feet away from her on a bar stool. She was there to rehearse and work on her song, so that's what she did when Blake wasn't talking directly to them.

A few hours later Gwen is back sitting in her car, traffic is its usual slow crawl at this time of late afternoon and for a while she can allow her thoughts to wander off wherever they want.

Less than two weeks after her audition, the new events in her life are leaving Gwen hopeful and positively alive in the truest sense of the word. Oh, how she had missed feeling so awake. Despite long-gone experience and her family's support, the days and pre-auditions leading up to the actual taping of the show had felt unreal to her. She had breezed through all proceedings well enough but still she felt like she could wake up at any minute, as if in an unexpected dream, and just go back to her usual life.

On the last day of taping she had been sheer lucky just to be among the selected participants to go on stage, and then more so by getting the chance to audition when the coaches' teams had been nearly full. Her group had been informed that the coaches had opted to put in extra hours that afternoon to wrap up filming on the same evening. Gwen had been waiting since nine o'clock that morning, her nerves were frazzled and she had missed Kingston.

When she had gotten the call to line up after the singers before her, she all but froze for a few seconds - then she had firmly decided she would do this. Part of her simply didn't care anymore if someone turned around for her. What she wanted, at heart, was to be on that stage! She wanted to have the lights on her again; she wanted the beats of her song pumping through her blood; she wanted to feel the audience react to her energy. She _knew_ she could perform well, she would tune out everything else, this moment was hers alone!

She couldn't recall how exactly it happened then - all four coaches had turned for her.

She knew that her voice was unusual and her interpretation of that particular song hat been intense before anything else. Emotionally it had taken out a lot of her and she was moved to her core to see the country music coach equally shaken up, with tears in his eyes that mirrored her own. She had barely been able to look at him as he spoke to her.

She had made her choice with pure instinct, and maybe, possible, because of some sort of attraction she couldn't put into words. Almost everything about these few minutes on stage had been a blur.

The next day, at home and back in reality, she had taken a crash course in Blake Shelton's music, trying to ignore as much useless media drama and gossip as possible. Except for the casual viewing of a previous season she didn't know anything about her future coach at all.

Getting to know him since feels so easy and familiar in a way she would never have expected. Gwen likes that he's kind and genuine with everybody who is somehow involved in the show. Except perhaps for Adam Levine, but she guesses they might be be bickering less when in private.

She had loved seeing his studio space and talking to him by herself. She thinks he is handsome, too; very much so, with blue eyes that shine like the morning sun when he smiles at her. She enjoys watching him, discreetly observing the way he moves and holds himself when he talks to her or someone else. Yet no part of her is ready to think beyond mere 'noticing', so she puts that particular train of thought far into the back of her mind.

Apart from everything else, Blake is still getting over a broken marriage and hurting, by his own account. She has had an inkling just from watching him, a sort of underlying knowing. It probably takes devastation to recognize it in others, she thinks. She is still amazed and honoured that he would tell her, of all people, about how he felt. She keeps his confidence safe, but learning that he was very likely lonely in here LA and wouldn't go back home, well, that was more painful to witness than she' had let herself acknowledge so far.

Having lost track of time, Gwen reaches her parents' house minutes later; a bouncy Kingston is waiting and excited to see her.

“Momma,” he calls and runs straight into her arms to hug her tightly.

"Hey, baby boy."

"I'm big boy King, I go to school now!” her son insists.

Gwen gives in, "Right, you are a big boy. Did you have a good day?"

King nods but can't wait to ask her, "Momma, did you sing on TV today?"

"Yes, love, momma did sing today. But I was practising first. TV needs to wait a little longer.”

Gwen then quickly hugs her own mom and they exchange details from their day. Kingston's had a good lunch, he napped well for a change and they had a lovely time in the park afterwards. She quickly recounted her first rehearsal with the promise to catch up during the weekend and collected her son's bags and toys. “Say bye to grandma, honey.”

“Bye grandma, see you soon,” smiles Kingston and waves to the door as he follows Gwen to their car.

**

Meanwhile Blake is getting ready to leave the studio after today's rehearsal sessions. He'd stayed behind, as on many days before, to follow up on his own notes and strategy ideas. James and Gwen had been his and Luke's last contestants for the day; he believes he did well in pairing the two together and Luke had agreed. He hadn't told his friend about Gwen's audition so getting his unbiased opinion had been especially helpful.

“Man, she's got incredible presence and energy,” Luke stated at some point. “I don't know what you did to get her on your team, buddy. She must have been a four-chair-turn, right?”

Blake confirmed his friend's assumption and went on to explain his song choice with more thoughts.

“I believe Gwen and James could take the roof off the stage with this song. Those two have all the skills to have an amazing performance together. They have quite different abilities but with this piece I see them sort of influencing each other and getting into an actual battle of leading and following with their styles that unite them at the end.

"James could begin in a very clear and smooth style, very present, very steady; and then Gwen could come in with her extra power and progress from his clean presentation into a more raw version that could really fire up the audience. In return, James could try and build up to meet her in style and energy so that in her response to him, Gwen could lighten up slightly and showcase her more melodious and sensual vocal range in the final harmonies with James."

“God, that's spot on, man. I love it.” Luke was fully on board and clapped his hands. “No wonder they've kept you on this show for so long, you just get right down to it. Let's make sure we get those two ready.  
  
“I mean, from what you say, James is already on a good track and halfway established in his own niche. I wouldn't worry too much about him, no matter how far he goes. But Gwen - man, two hours in I'm ready to say she could be groundbreaking for the business, and that's coming from a country boy. She seems like she just needs the opportunity. With her voice and personality, she needs to go to the finale, Blake. You can pretty much quit the show, if you can't get her there.  
  
Blake nodded in thought. Luke was right.

“She's beautiful, too. I'm sure even you noticed,” Luke goes on.

“What's that supposed to mean?”  
  
“Just getting a little vibe, man” Luke joked. “I don't think I've seen you even look at a woman in the past year. And I get it, it's totally up to you. I'm just sayin' if you were ready to notice someone again, she'd be very easy on the eyes."

This was not a conversation Blake was ready to have, not even with one of his oldest friends.

“She's a contestant on my team, Luke. She's here because of her voice, not because I or someone else thinks she's pretty.”

“So you do think she's pretty!” Luke grinned. “There's no fault in admiring both qualities.”

“Of course she is,” Blake had admitted unwillingly. He'd known since his first look at her, he just didn't want to be put on the spot _,_ especially not when they're talking about _Gwen_.

“I'm not blind, she's beautiful. You can go now!” Blake good-naturedly shoved his mentor towards the door.

Luke laughed to himself and grabbed his stuff. “Talk to you later, buddy!”

Blake plumps back into the armchair he had occupied opposite Gwen just last week. In the midst of all preparations for his first rehearsals he had played the memory of their conversation back and forth in his mind.

He is still oddly comfortably with how that afternoon had turned out. Gwen had been so unguarded in the way her emotions were part of herself that she had gained his trust without ever asking for it. She had been honest and genuine in her excitement and later on in her remorse. Still, he had sensed that she was a very private person at heart - in the same way she couldn't separate her emotions from being part of her personality, she very much chose which other information about herself and her life she revealed.

She had shared quite a bit, Blake thought, more so than him because most of his life was somewhere online anyway. But she had also given him a lot to think about. And then she had simply kissed him for his birthday, an occasion he'd rather preferred to forget. The soft, unexpected touch of her lips had left a warm, invisible imprint on his cheek; a sensation that has since been reduced to a fleeting image in his memory. He couldn't help trying to resurrect the feeling, he wishes he could rewind and play the moment over and over, so innocent, but at the same time representing the smallest fleck of _something_ that made him feel good about the actual date of that day. Unexpectedly he enjoyed meeting Adam and Behati at their house that night.

Seeing Gwen again this afternoon was the highlight of his week. She'd looked lovely in an ensemble inspired by the summer day, wearing loose, olive-toned capri pants with sandals that highlighted her flowy, adorned white blouse. She had her hair parted on the left and pulled up into a simple ponytail. Blake didn't know anything about fashion, he just finds her enchanting in whatever she wears, part of him wants to see and learn all the ways she can look beautiful.

He would have loved, somehow, to go back to their connection from last week but it was not only for his sake that he needed to stay professional for the rehearsal, this was not the time and place. Instead he watched Gwen work her way through the new song phrase by phrase and had hidden his interest behind the music they're focusing on. It was a good thing, Blake thought, that they were doing it this way, line for line, because he wasn't sure he could have listened to her perform a complete song without giving himself away.

Gwen worked in deep concentration but took the time to joke around with James who also seemed quite charmed by her. Blake didn't think he liked it but he could hardly blame the guy.

Coming out of his thoughts Blake is ready to follow Luke and walks towards the door. By pure chance he notices an unfamiliar briefcase sitting by the piano. Papers that look to him like sheet music are sticking out of its halfway opened zip. Someone must have left it by accident. He doesn't want to snoop and gives the worn brown bag only a cursory once-over. The papers hold an emblem he doesn't recognize at first, but then he can make it out; 'California State University'. These must be Gwen's, he surmises. The briefcase probably carries a lot of her schoolwork.

Blake doesn't know if this is fate, a really bad coincidence or just the universe wanting to mess with him. Well, if anything, it's a chance, he decides.

Quick to think of his options, he calls one of the assistant producers and easily convinces them to find Gwen's contact information. He needs to make an exception just once and call her privately, Blake reasons to himself. She's going to miss and need her things long before their next rehearsal, so he wants to at least try and let her know he found her bag.  
  
Remembering his earlier conversation with Luke he's only half nervous as he phones her. Gwen is surprised that he is calling but exceedingly grateful at the same time, in the momentum of the afternoon she hadn't noticed her missing bag yet. He enjoys hearing her voice, even after he's just spent the afternoon watching her learn a song. In the spur of the moment he offers to drive by her place and drop off her bag to save her the trip. He was going to be in the area anyway – a white lie, but just a small one, built on well-meaning, if the tiniest bit self-serving, intentions.

**

It's a sixty minute drive from the studio to Anaheim, give or take.

Eventually, Blake arrives in her neighbourhood and pulls up to the house number Gwen had given him. He finds himself on a surprisingly private site on the far end of the street. It's a nice area but he can make out that her home is only a small, one-story house; tiny even by any Hollywood standards. Unbefitting his celebrity status, Blake couldn't pay less attention to how pretentious someone lived. He's used to all kinds of homes from back in Oklahoma. In his circles they tended to focus on the people first and the home second.

Picking up Gwen's belongings from his passengers seat, he exits the car, and walks up to ring the doorbell.

Moments later the door is being pushed open and a blonde little boy who barely reaches Blake's hips shyly grins at him, “Hello.”

Blake is about to return the greeting but stops when he hears Gwen's voice calling from inside.

“Kingston, you need to ask permission before you open the door by yourself, remember?”  
  
“Yes. Sorry, momma,” the young child replies as Gwen herself reaches the door. Looking just as she had done during the rehearsal, she smiles in apology and greets their visitor.  
  
“Hey Blake, please come on in.”

“Hi,“ he smiles back.  
  
Gwen reaches down to tousle her boy's hair as Blake finds his way into her home.

“Say a proper hello to Mr. Blake, please, Kingston.”

“Hello, Mr. Blake. My momma's gonna sing on the TV soon."

Blake can't help but laugh at Kingston's mix of manners and the excitement Gwen had told him about.

“It's nice to meet you, Kingston. I bet you're really proud of her.”

King enthusiastically shakes his heads yes.

“Go wash your hands now, honey,” Gwen prompts him, “dinner's almost ready.” The little boy turns and takes off in a sprint.

Blake takes the opportunity to hand over his package. “This is yours, I believe? You left it by the piano.”

“I did, you're right. Thank you so much for finding it. You literally saved my week.”

“It's nothing, really. My pleasure.“ Blake's clear attentive eyes settle on her face again.

“Have you really been in the area?”

Blake grins sheepishly, “Maybe.” He won't lie to her, but that doesn't mean he has to reveal all details. Still, it feels like she sees right through him.

“Well, you have to stay for dinner then, or have you eaten?” Gwen is determined to offer him at least an hour of simple company and a warm meal to go along. For some reason she doesn't want to imagine him being alone.

“I...no, Gwen, I couldn't. That's alright. I don't want to intrude. I'm sure you have your routine.”

“Yes, we _do._ It involves inviting guests who come around at dinnertime after driving halfway through the city to return our thoughtlessly forgotten things.“ Gwen gently pulls Blake towards her small kitchen. “My family is part Italian, which means, when there's a chance, we practically want to feed everyone we know. You can _try_ and say no, but I won't really hear it.” She grins at him in a knowing fashion. It seems she has convinced more than a few unsuspecting dinner guests in her years. “You're more than welcome to join us, there's always enough, so really, all you need to do is sit down and relax, I'm almost done.”

Blake is halfway into giving up his protest and self-consciously settles into the closest chair as Gwen is already getting out a third set of plates and cutlery. He really did not intend to stay for anything other but to hand over Gwen's bag. Just as he's starting his last attempt to excuse himself, Kingston joins them in the kitchen, his small hands clasping roundly shaped, painted little wooden farm animals.

“My pets need their dinner, too, momma.”

Blake watches as Gwen redirects her son's request with comfortable ease. “You can pick two of them to sit with you, but they need to be on their best behaviour.”

The limitations seem familiar to Kingston who seriously considers his choices before turning to Blake with big hazel eyes, “Which ones do _you_ think, Mr. Blake?”

Blake is taken aback with his sudden involvement but reminded of his niece and nephew just the same. This shouldn't be too hard, he thinks. He can certainly talk to a young child. “Hm, let's see, who do you got there?”

The small boy empties his hands trustingly next to Blake's plate, listing his possessions, “There's the duckie, and the sheep, and my doggie. And here's the kitten, and the cow and the horsey.”

Blake ponders for a second, “How about the little dog? He must be hungry from watching all the other animals.”

“Right,“ King agrees and sets his dog-shaped form aside, “who else then?”  
  
“You choose the second one, I think you know them better than I do,” Blake prompts him.

“Hm,” Kingston ponders again, “the horsey then. He's been running and jumping around a lot.”

“I bet you have, too,” Gwen smiling strokes her son's head, after setting out the water pitcher and another glass for Blake. “Mr. Blake is staying for dinner, so be ready to sit down.”

Happy with his selection, King abandons the unchosen shapes on the kitchen counter and climbs up onto the chair next to Blake, completely unfazed by their new companion. He scoots his dog and the horsey close enough to his still empty plate so they could pretend-feed and seems happy to let them sit there.

Blake knows when he is beat, and why, he then thinks to himself, should he even want to turn down a home-cooked dinner when its scent already wafts so promisingly through the room. The options at his own place wouldn't come close to anything similar unless he ordered take-out again.

The scene feels very unexpected but by no means uncomfortable anymore. Gwen is at ease in her home, while her little boy clearly has his mother's charm. For the first time Blake takes a longer look around the small kitchen and adjoining family room.

Though the decoration is simple and most of the furnishing is on the modest side, Blake instantly likes what he sees. The subtle art of well placed rugs, flower pots, lamps, and pillows, combined with bright and natural wall colours, transforms this unassuming house into a cozy and inviting space. It is clearly a loved and well-cared for home that Gwen has made for herself and her son.

Just as he's done looking around, Gwen fills the table with a big casserole of macaroni and cheese, followed by small bowls of green salad and cut-up bread for each of them. She had not lied about having enough. She measures out a portion of the main dish for Kingston, who claps to himself in quiet anticipation, and offers the serving spoon to Blake to help himself, before settling into her own seat.

“This looks really good, Gwen,“ he compliments her as the scent of rich and creamy cheese sauce hits his nose.

“Wait until you try it,“ she beams at him, ”it's almost cooled down enough start right away. Kingston and I usually say grace before we begin. Would you like to join us?” Gwen is already holding hands with her son and waits for him to respond.

“I would..., yes, please.” Apart from holiday dinners with his family, Blake hadn't given his thanks for a meal in a long time, yet he couldn't imagine a better way than this simple tradition to acknowledge that he was grateful for everything about this moment.

Gwen holds out her left hand to him, motioning to Kingston to do the same with his right. As Blake moves to enfold both their small, soft hands into his, an uncanny sense of peace overcomes him. He closes his eyes and takes a slow breath as Gwen's sweet voice washes over him in her short prayer. Silently he also thanks God for leading him here tonight.

It takes him a moment to come out of his reverie but Kingston's obvious enthusiasm spurs Blake to finally sample the delicious looking dish in front of him. When he does his taste-buds get treated to a joyful bliss they haven't experienced in a long time. “Oh my goodness, Gwen, this is even better than it looks. It's really amazing!”

“Amazin',” Kingston pipes up, trying to mimic Blake's southern accent while digging into his own portion with gusto.

Gwen is pleased with Blake's reaction in a way she hadn't expected of herself. Putting her love into preparing a meal for her son had become a tangible and relaxing way she could take care of him and give him a childhood full of comforting memories, as much as her own had been. For some reason, hearing Blake gush about her simple meal filled her with a different kind of contentment.

In his astonishment Blake doesn't hold back with his praise in between satisfying bites, “What's your secret?”

“It's a family recipe,” Gwen shares with inner delight. “The magic lies in crispy bacon bits, puréed cauliflower, home-grown herbs, and real Italian cream and cheese. My mom actually has the real talent for cooking, but I do alright, although somewhat limited to kid-friendly menus these days.”

Blake cannot believe how she remains so humble but doesn't need to say much more to convince her, he had almost emptied his plate. “Trust me, this is so much better than just _alright_. I am loving this dish!”

By the looks of it, he probably wouldn't say no to seconds and Gwen continues to be pleased. In her mind, Blake was a little bit too much on the leaner side of what a man his size could carry. She had seen older pictures of him, whereas he was well-proportioned before his divorce, he had now lost a sizeable amount of weight. She knows it's none of her business to be concerned, even when he admitted his ongoing struggles to her. Still, seeing him enjoy an actual meal put her worrying thoughts to rest.

“Good! Please, help yourself to some more.” Gwen's face lights up towards him with a big smile.


	4. Chapter 4

In the afternoon before their next rehearsal, Blake's phone begins to ring as he's in the middle of his latest notes.

He gets a sense of something unexpected when he finds Gwen's name flashing on the screen and hastens to take her call.

“Hey Blake..., this is Gwen. I'm sorry about calling out of the blue. Um, I need to miss rehearsal tomorrow. I just wanted to let you know.”

Gwen doesn’t sound like herself. Her voice is slow, bereft of all energy and laced with a touch of something Blake can't quite put his finger on. He is on instant alert and something within him just clicks into protective mode.

“Gwen, tell me what’s wrong, please,” Blake asks slowly. He tries to stay calm but the increase in his southern accent betrays his true worry.

“Well, it's just, Kingston’s been really sick for a couple of days. My parents are out of town with my brother. I don't have a babysitter. I won't leave him with somebody else.” She sounds like she's trying to defend herself; it's the last thing he needs her to explain.

“Don't think about it, Gwen. Is he going to be okay? Are you alright? I'm sorry, but you don't sound too good.” Blake downplays what he actually hears, he just wants her to keep talking.

“I..., yes..., we're going to be fine. I'm just tired is all, we haven’t been sleeping that much. I just needed to let you know about tomorrow. I’m sorry, I probably should have called the producers anyway, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“I'm glad you're calling,“ Blake attempts to reassure her, “you know I like knowing what's going, don't worry about it.” Lack of sleep would explain her absent-minded demeanor, but he still doesn't want to let her go.

“Do you need anything for the next couple of days?“

His inquiry hits her unexpectedly. „No.- No, we’re fine, we can manage. Thank you though. I should let you go, you must be busy.”

Fortunately for Blake she's not very convincing.

“I'm not, Gwen. Just take a moment, don't hang up, please,” he gently pleads.

Guided by Blake's request, Gwen lets herself breathe deeply. It feels good to hear his voice again. He sounds warm and comforting, even on the phone.

“Now think again. What do you need at home? I'm just sitting around. Please, let me help.” Blake is as serious as he could be be. He wouldn't leave Gwen and her sick child on their own, especially knowing her family wasn't around.

“We’re out of milk,“ Gwen admits softly in defeat, pausing before she continues, “and bread, I think.”

“See, that wasn't so bad, was it?” Blake attempts to lighten the mood, happy to hear a small breathy laugh in return. “Any special kind?” He is already halfway out the door, looking only for his car keys when Gwen negates his last question. He promises to pick up her groceries and estimates it will take him about ninety minutes to get to her place.

**

Once he's at the store, Blake realizes he doesn't believe it's only bread and milk they're missing, when Gwen has likely been home-bound for several days. Without further thinking he proceeds through the aisles in search of additional perishables. Eggs, cheese, bacon, juice, yogurt, as well as fruits and vegetables, all find their way into his cart. He stops to remember the kind of snacks his sister usually gets for her kids and manages to find these, as well. Thinking of Gwen, he finally adds some brand-name chocolate ice-cream. No female in his family has ever declined chocolate on a bad day.

After paying the cashier and setting his purchases into the car, Blake makes another spur of the moment decision and calls ahead to a well-known Chinese place that'll be on his way. He runs through his mental list of favorites to arrange his order and then starts the car towards his destination. Thinking of Gwen again he has to pace himself to keep to the speed limit.

**

Talking to Blake has left Gwen feeling better than she had hoped to. The uncomfortable reality of having to miss rehearsal is still fresh on her mind, but she can't bring herself to spend more energy on worrying about that, too.  
  
Gwen had barely been sleeping for several nights. She couldn't find rest with her son next to her, coughing and gasping for air. His continuous fever either sent him into chills or had him sweating through his pajamas in excess heat. She was tending to him almost every hour, barely closing her eyes when he found momentary relief, even during the day. It's only since today that Kingston finally seems to find more comfort and is able to sleep and heal for longer stretches of time.

The lack of sleep, combined with her constant concern for him, has brought her to a point where she is emotionally spent and nothing but anxious about how's she going to handle the next few days. Her guards have dropped down by sheer weariness and overload of emotions. Gwen has never liked feeling this vulnerable, it hasn't served her well in the past.

At this moment she is glad that Blake hadn't mentioned the next rehearsal. On the contrary, his concern seemed to focus more on her and Kingston, again showing his kind and generous attention to the singers on his team. If he's like this with people he just basically works with, Gwen can't begin to imagine the lengths he would go to take care of his own family. Not for the first time she privately wonders what type of woman would have let Blake Shelton go.

With anybody else, since she had gone back to school, she has found ways to keep them out of her personal life. Blake is different. If she's truly and deeply honest with herself, he has been, ever since the moment she first saw him and talked to him after her audition. Now she had actually agreed to let him come over, again, just to help her out. Her house is her safe space, giving her peace and solace while she is rebuilding her life and struggling to trust herself again. But she doesn't deny herself, she likes having Blake here. She may not trust herself yet; but she trusts him, some small part of her realizes. For whatever reasons, she had known from their first meeting that Blake would be inherently safe. He was welcome to visit, even on a day like this.

Gwen checks on her son who appears to be sleeping and decides to take a quick three-minute-shower before changing into something she hasn't worn for days.

**

Blake, with groceries and take-out bags in his left hand, chooses to knock, rather than ring the bell. Seconds later, Gwen meets him at the door; barefoot, and bare-faced, in washed out gray jeans and an old sweatshirt, her hair in a careless bun piled on top of her head.

“Hey Blake.” Her voice is soft and warm to welcome him. Gwen half hugs him like they do at rehearsals and motions for him to come in.

Following her through the dimly lit family room into the kitchen, Blake catches only a glance of Kingston who is propped up on one end of the couch, carefully settled between pillows and blankets. He appears half awake, following an animated kids movie running on low in the background.

Blake sets his bags on her counters, and keeps his gaze to the floor, uncertain about how Gwen might react. Perhaps he did overstep.

“Blake, this isn't just bread and milk,” Gwen realizes while her hands skim over the contents of his delivery. “What did you do?” she questions him slightly shocked.

“I got a few more things than we talked about, just in case you needed to stay home longer. I didn't want you to run out again. Don't be mad, please.” Blake offers his explanations with earnest gentleness, silently willing her to accept them.

Gwen looks at him with an almost pained expression, disbelieving in some way, the brown coal depths of her eyes slowly filling up with moisture. Unexpectedly, she closes the steps between them and moves to hug him, her slender arms reaching tightly around his neck as she stand on her toes.

"I'm not mad,“ she tells him softly, “it's way too much, but thank you." Blake exhales in relief and rests his arms gently around her lower back to relish the moment.

“I got some take-out for dinner, too, and non-spicy chicken soup for Kingston. Are you guys hungry?”

Gwen “hms” and nods as she gently lets go of Blake and turns around to her counters once more. “Let me just put these away first.”

Another decision she seems to accept without much protest. Blake mentally high-fives himself.

“Do you mind if I say hi to Kingston?”

“Of course not, go ahead, I told him you were coming to visit.”

Blake finds his way over to the living room and lowers himself next to the couch. He studies the small child in his makeshift camp of blankets, water bottles, and nearby picture books. Kingston turns to look at him with glassy eyes.

“Hi Kingston, remember me? I just wanted to say hello . Your momma said you're not feeling well?”

Kingston's flushed face lights up in recognition but his voice is scratchy and listless. “Hell' Mr. Blake. ’m sick. An' my head hurts.”

Blake's got no experience with sick children, but suddenly he understands more of Gwen's state and feels the onset of panic rising in him.

“It's alright buddy. I'm sorry, don't talk too much.”

Kingston sighs in answer and closes his eyes. Knots form in Blake's stomach, this apathetic and fever-ridden little boy is only a shadow of the Kingston he met a week ago. He runs his fingers through his hair as Gwen joins them.

“Can't we do anything else for him? Get him different medication? Or take him to the hospital? He really doesn't look well, Gwen.”

“I know. You're too good to be true, Blake.”

Oddly enough, seeing Blake worry and being able to reassure him, calms her in return.

“He's got a really bad bug, but he's going to be fine, with a little more patience. I talk to our pediatrician every morning. He already gets all the safe medicine for his age. As long as the fever doesn’t go up beyond a certain point and I'm careful that he drinks enough, it's best for him to be home, where he's most comfortable. His little body just needs a lot more rest. Why don't I see if he wants some of your nice-looking soup, and then we could eat? You're staying, right?

Yes, he's staying. Of course he is. He couldn't bring himself to leave them both like this.

**

While Blake remembers where to find plates and starts setting out their take-out dishes, Gwen takes some chicken soup to Kingston. He is willing to taste it slowly, spoonful by spoonful, until half the carton is empty. Gwen then checks his temperature again and gently persuades him to swallow another round of sickly-sweet medicine. He doesn't like it, but endures it all the same.

“Well done, baby boy,” Gwen murmurs to him and kisses his tired face. “I promise, you're gonna feel much better soon. Go back to sleep if you like. Momma's gonna be right back.” She pulls his blanket back up over his shoulders and tucks him in, careful to settle Bear, his beloved stuffed animal, back into her son's arms.

In the kitchen, Blake is loading their plates with small servings of everything. Still steaming egg-rolls find their place next to spoonfuls of fried rice, mixed dumplings, sweet-n-sour-chicken and steamed vegetables. When he ordered he had no idea what Gwen might like, only hoping she'd find something passable in the selection.

Following Gwen's promise, they find themselves sitting cross-legged on the floor of her family room, halfway turned to each other and comfortably cushioned by her thick carpet, extra pillows lending support as they lean against the couch. They’re close enough for their knees to be touching, neither of them avoiding the contact as they keep their plates in careful balance. The TV is back to running on mute, its screen flickering through the room but they don’t pay attention to it. Gwen checks up on Kingston ever so often, gently running her hand across his forehead as she and Blake eat unhurriedly.

This relaxed type of meal feels more natural to Blake than any extravagant dinner party ever could. It’s quiet and private. Gwen seems to unwind slightly. Once more he finds comfort in his decision to listen to his instincts when it’s something about her. As much as he doesn’t want to think about the reasons why, Blake wants to be with her, especially on a night like this. The easiest way would be to believe that perhaps she could do with a new friend.

“This is really nice, Blake, perfect comfort food. It’s still too much, you know.” She grins at him in shy reference to her earlier comment.

They enjoy the peaceful scene and eventually set their empty plates aside. Gwen checks on Kingston again. Her son is still flushed but fast asleep for the time being.

Blake takes the moment to focus on his blonde singer.

“How have you really been, Gwen?”

Gwen waits to answer him, trying to collect her tired thoughts first.

“Just exhausted...and emotional, to be honest. I worry about him so much, you know? My heart is walking outside of me in that little boy. When he’s sick like this and I get really tired and I'm alone with him, I just freak myself out and imagine all kind of things. Sometimes I think he deserves so much more than just me.”

Gwen's downcast admittance confirms Blake's suspicion about her own well-being.

“Gwen, listen, I don't know a lot about raisin' a kid, or being a family like that, but your little boy is only three years old. All he's gonna remember is you being here, cuddling and playing with him. That seems like a lot to make a little boy happy and feel loved. You're his life, Gwen, I'm bettin' that's all he's gonna care about. Don't be too tough on yourself.”

“I guess you're right…I just want the best for him, I can't help it. He is my miracle from God,” Gwen whispers, “he truly is.”

Gwen's emotions take over again. It's unreal that Blake is even here, but all she knows is how safe she feels with him, even when she's beyond tired. Perhaps she could try and tell him about Kingston tonight, for privately, she will always have reasons to be overly worried about her son She musters up her courage, determined to see how far she gets with Blake still listening and watching her so attentively.

“When I was quite young and still in college, I already knew I really wanted to have a family of my own,“ she begins in a quiet tone, so as not to disturb her sleeping son. “Before Kingston was born, I had been trying to have a baby for years. The longer I tried, the more it became evident that it wasn't meant to be easy for me, if possible at all.”

Gwen is solemn and hugs herself. She focuses her gaze on Kingston and draws her strength from her son. It becomes almost unbearable for Blake to watch her.

“I had four miscarriages,” Gwen shares in her lowest whisper yet, hiding the choking of tears in her throat. “I gave up on my music and kept praying for just one miracle to make everything alright. When I found out I was pregnant again, I was terrified of losing him, too; but for the first time, it seemed like there was a real chance for the baby to be okay. When he was finally born, all pink and screaming, he was healthy and perfect; so absolutely perfect.” She smiles openly through tearful eyes.

Blake wishes he could hug her differently this time; wishes he could hold her in earnest as she offers up her memories to him.

“We were supposed to finally be happy then...but it didn't work out.”

Blake realizes there must be a whole other side to her story, he doesn't even want to imagine what exactly she omits.

“King and me, we've been on our own for a year now. When...when that happened, we went back to live with my parents at first; before I decided to go back to school. This house has only been our home for six months, but we love it here. My parents have been so incredible, like, you wouldn't believe it. I don't know what I would have done without them. They helped out with everything, they still do with a lot of things. Now they're gone for the first time, and Kingston got sick, and suddenly I feel like I can't keep anything together.

“That's not true, Gwen. You know that's not true,” Blake murmurs to her, “you're allowed to have a couple of hard days, but never doubt yourself like this. Please?” He wishes he could make her believe, could make her see her own strength and commitment through his eyes. It might not be the right time yet, but he vows to himself to keep trying.

Gwen nods at him and softly wipes at her eyes. She really is exhausted.

“Why don’t you try and sleep a little now,” Blake suggests, it's the only way he can think of to bring her comfort, save for holding her close in his own arms, ”I'll let you know as soon as Kingston makes a peep?”

“That’s absurd, Blake. I can’t just go to sleep while you sit here.”

“Sure you can. You could lie down with Kingston, only for half an hour. I’ll just finish the movie with you guys. It’s not so different from hanging out with my sister and her kids.”

Gwen hesitates, even though the idea is tantalizingly good. She can already feel her nerves sigh out in release with the thought of closing her eyes for just a few minutes. She can't be on constant alert anymore. Blake’s presence is a gift of its own; it's not like she would be leaving her son, she'd just be sharing her responsibility of looking after him for a short while. And then there's the way Blake keeps looking at her, with warmth and support in everything he does for them, yet intertwined with something fragile underneath she recognizes from her own dark days.

Wordlessly Gwen gives in and moves to snuggle in the soft depth of her couch, her head bedded by Kingston’s feet. She wraps a leftover blanket around herself and closes her eyes to the even breathing of her son and Blake's familiar scent nearby.

**

Blake finishes the movie as he'd said he would, partly amused by the tiny characters' heroic actions at the end. As quietly as his large frame allows him, he then clears away what he can from their dinner and finds a space for the leftovers in Gwen's fridge.

From the outside, these things may look like they keep him busy, but in reality, he’s watching over Gwen and her son, the underlying task giving him a sense of much-needed belonging he does not dare to be hoping for.

Everything about Gwen softened when she had lain down. She was fast asleep within minutes, easily taken in by her need to rest. Watching her gentle breath is what draws Blake back to floor and into his own thoughts.

With Gwen so upset before, it had been natural to focus on her emotions first. His need to bring her comfort may be unbefitting his role of her coach, but it's not a desire he's going to fight.

Blake has no capacity to find words for what she must have gone through as he's beginning to process the private agony she had shared with him. Without a doubt he knew her sense of loss wasn't only in her memories. Gwen carries it in every part of her life, as emotions so present and intense they almost rip him apart when she uses them to sing.

He doesn't know how she bears it; he just knows he doesn't ever want her to be in that much pain again.

Blake buries his head in his hands and hides the silent tears that drop down onto his jeans.


	5. Chapter 5

As Blake watches over them and goes through his own painful reaction to Gwen's history, Gwen sleeps for almost two hours, with Kingston barely stirring once. She appears to be resting deeply, only sighing and readjusting herself now and then.

Eventually, Gwen wakes on her own, slightly disoriented, and finds Blake engrossed in the stack of music magazines she keeps under the TV.

“Hey you,” she gets his attention, her voice heavy and laced with sleep. “What time is it?”

Blake smiles warmly at her as she manages to sit herself up and keeps the blanket wrapped around her midsection.

“Welcome back, Gwen.”

“Weren't you supposed to wake me?” Gwen is confused and a little embarrassed.

“Naah, you were out like a light; so was the little one. Gave me a good chance to snoop through your readin' material here.” Blake opts to keep his answer light and turns the attention to himself rather than put Gwen on the spot. She looks adorable with slightly disheveled hair and a sleepy expression on her face.

Gwen gladly accepts the glass of water he offers her and begins to wake up more fully. A quick check on the nearest watch helps her realizes how late it has become.

“I didn't mean to keep you so long, Blake. Seriously, you should have woken me up.”

“I know. I would have if it had been necessary, but it really wasn't. It's good you and Kingston got some sleep, I didn't mind hanging out like this.”

Blake had hoped to let Gwen sleep as long as she was able to, but he keeps these thoughts to himself. He truthfully is glad she had been able to sleep undisturbed, although it was a testament to how much she needed it. She had looked peaceful, so very different from when he first arrived. He wouldn't have interrupted her without needing to.

Gwen in turn lets his words sink in. It feels like all she needs to do today is thank him, over and over again. Every single thing he's done for her and Kingston had been too much by itself, but combined he had presented her with an array of kindness she hadn't earned in any way. She doesn't know why the thought suddenly upsets her, it just does.

“Blake... ,“ she hesitates. After all of today and in her still emotional state she probably shouldn't say anything else, but her whispered words just slip out by themselves. “Why are you so nice to me?”

Blake looks at her with careful consideration, not quite able to hide his distress about what she is asking. The way she is asking, too. There's no way he can let her be upset. He needs to not mess this up. Blake decides to be simple and honest; it's been a good basis for them. When he replies, he sounds just as broken as her, his tone unexpectedly low and a little cracked.

“Because you deserve it, Gwen. And I'd like to be your friend. Friends look out for each other.”

He gazes directly into the molten chocolate of her eyes, patiently inviting her to see his sincerity. Gwen matches his blue gaze with hopeful softness and equal disbelief, unable not to showcase her inner doubt. He doesn't know what it is, she is questioning. But if she would allow him to, he would try and find out and convince her otherwise.  
  
”I'd like that, too,” she finally whispers.

Just then, Kingston stirs and breaks the moment; causing them do draw apart from each other. The little boy sighs and mumbles to himself but stays mostly asleep.

Gwen takes her cue and focuses on her son.

“It’s really late. I should get him to bed.” She crouches beside her son and begins to fold aside his blankets.

"Do you want to carry him?"

Gwen nods, “Yes, I think so.” The heaviness of sleep is still evident in her voice

“Can I help? I could take him for you, I’ve done this with my sister’s kids,” Blake offers softly.

Without having to think about it, Gwen steps to the side and frees Blake's way to Kingston. She trusts him with her son, as well.

“Thank you.” It's all she can say.

Gingerly Blake slides his arms beneath Kingston and gathers his small body up from the couch. The boy’s head falls against Blake’s shoulder, Bear still clutched in his arms. Even asleep, Kingston is lighter than he would have expected and a welcome warmth against Blake’s chest. He stirs again but his sleep remains undisturbed.

With a secure hold on his small cargo, Blake waits for Gwen.

“Where do you want him?”

“He’s sleeping with me, this way.”

Gwen motions for him to follow her as she leads them through the semi-darkness of her small house. She stops by her bedroom-door and switches on a small and dim corner light before she walks up to her bed and folds down her comforter and sheets.

“Would you put him down here?” She steps aside once more.

Blake gets only a glance of Gwen’s private space as he enters her room, which is just as well, because normally he shouldn’t be in here anyhow, he thinks. The few impressions of soft-looking pillows and tasteful fabrics on her queen-sized bed accentuate her natural and comfort-loving taste, and he finds he likes knowing this cozy and warm space is where she’ll be safe and sleeping at night.

Directed by Gwen he gently lowers Kingston onto the mattress and in between the folds of her sheets. He readjusts Bear and rubs Kingston’s shoulder, saying his goodbye to the little boy. “Sleep well, little buddy.”

Blake leaves Gwen to tuck in her son, tidies up the magazines and collects his belongings from her kitchen and family room. It's time for him to head home, knowing they are both doing as well as they could given the circumstances and have a full fridge again. He hears low remnants of a lullaby coming from her room. Gwen finds him a little after she finished her nighttime song.

“I really can't thank you enough for all you have done tonight. It's means a lot, you know that, right?”  
Again, it seems like the only thing she can say. It doesn't feel enough.

“I'm really glad you called, Gwen.” Blake is a little shy suddenly, not sure he wants her to know how much he really means it and bows his head down. ”Can I check on you guys tomorrow? Just to know how you're doing?”

“Alright,” Gwen smiles timidly and nods.

At the door she moves to hug him again and her warm, soft contact is all the thanks Blake could possibly ask for. Her head only meets his shoulder as he gently returns the gesture and moves his arms to hold her around her back. Sleepily, she leans against him in his embrace. All of her is small and delicate in comparison to him. Blake bends his head down to her hair and tenderly breathes in her scent before he whispers his goodbye.

“Good night, Gwen.”

**  
  
The next day, Blake texts first to see if he's caught a good time and then calls around noon, as promised. He is openly relieved to hear Gwen sounding much clearer and more relaxed than the day before. She is happy to share that Kingston's fever had finally broken during the night and attributes the much needed change to Blake's magic delivery of chicken-soup. She and Kingston had both had an almost full night of uninterrupted sleep and Gwen's parents were returning from their trip a little sooner than planned. The worst part of their sick days seems to have passed.

They talk a little more and finally Gwen enters the topic of the rehearsal she's missing that day. In Blake's view she has little to worry about and is more nervous, than she needs to be. But he also gets that she would want to be as prepared as possible. He fills her in on what they'll be working on with James and Gwen is even more grateful to hear, that she can make up for her missed afternoon with him. As her coach Blake doesn't particularly care that Gwen technically has no rights to any additional sessions, at least as far as her contract goes. His job is to help her get ready for the next part of the competition and that's what he is determined to do. It's not even a special favor, he's done the same for other contestants in similar situations. Together, they go over their schedules and easily decide on another afternoon of the same week. Blake has a hard time hanging up. It'll be three more days until he'll see her again.

**

Rehearsal that afternoon with James and Luke goes well enough. He updates them on Gwen's situation and earns a curious look from Luke that he ignores as best as he can. James knows most of the song by now. He is on pitch in all of his parts and they take him through the different energies they want the song to display. He'll need Gwen to work on his transitions and their harmonizing, yet so far everything is sounding good. Not quite extraordinary, but they'll get there.

When they're done, and he's spent another hour talking nonsense with Luke while decidedly avoiding anything Gwen-related, Blake's last order of the day is to go by the producers' offices and pick up the CD of his contestants' blind auditions. A first rough cut of the filmed material is provided for the coaches, so they can specifically watch each audition as it happens and use whatever information they deem helpful in preparation for the upcoming rounds.

He texts Adam, 'cause this is something they usually do together. While he still plays up their rivalry and his need to win for the show, this part of watching their respective singers has become a tradition over the last couple of seasons. It doesn't matter that they're so different genre-wise, they actually enjoy and both benefit from comparing impressions and sharing ideas. Adam replies quickly and they make plans for the night.

**

A few hours later, the two friends hang out at Blake's sparsely furnished rental place, put some steaks on the grill and spend the evening watching auditions while sprawled out on his couch. They go through Adam's contestants first, marveling once more about the variety and sheer number of talented artists the show still finds. Adam's group this season is not one to be taken lightly. He had selected a good mix of different styles, ages and personalities split between male and female singers. He has also managed to finally steal a young country artist from Blake for 'Team Adam' and does nothing to hide his glee.

Eventually, they move on to Blake's team. There's a little less input Adam can give in the country department but true to his three previous wins, he is spot on in identifying a singer's key qualities. More often than not, Blake takes some notes, despite Adam's goodnatured mocking. He is serious about his coaching and this is his way of doing it.

It's nearly the end of the play-list when Gwen’s audition is the last file to be played. All of a sudden, Blake doesn't know if he's ready to see her performance of that day again. He needs to mentally prepare himself. The feelings she had evoked in him still linger in the back of his mind. And then there’s her deeply shaken and emotional state from last night that is still vividly etched into his heart. Even if she's feeling better today, he’s certain now - this wasn’t a good idea. However, Blake is acutely aware that he hadn’t actually watched Gwen perform, he had only heard her sing, so as a coach he needs to actually see her before their next rehearsal, no matter the timing. Blake takes a silent deep breath and braces himself.

There is no hesitation when Gwen walks onto the stage in that eclectic outfit he remembers. She appears focused and completely in a world of her own. He can see her close her eyes seconds before the stage goes black. When it lights up to the slow beginning notes of her song, she opens her gaze directly to some point in the audience, barely giving the coaches' chairs a glance. Not for the first time Blake gets to witness the deep pools of her eyes being flooded with a heartbreakingly familiar pain as the camera goes in for a close up. The instant her first tone meets the microphone she owns everybody in that studio.

Blake is frozen to his seat, captivated by the myriad of impressions that overcome his senses. By evidence of his memory, and the tape, he's not the only one. The fearless way Gwen brings out her emotions for the world to see remains unbelievable to him. She is so close to visibly breaking, her personal agony pouring out of her with every word and every note; in every flicker across her face and every minuscule gesture. For the rest of her song, Blake is at a loss for words. Instead a dark current of emotions begins to pull him into its grasp.

When Gwen's performance ends, Adam immediately lists artist after artist she reminds him of and names numerous song-choices he could see her with.

“Man, I still envy you, she's so incredibly talented! I meant what I said there, I could've won this season with her! You know I still wanna to beat you, but I'm so totally gonna kick your ass if you don't do everything you can for her.”

Adam is in of one his no-nonsense-moods and Blake admits to himself, that yes, Adam would have been a really great coach for Gwen. His friend sees the instant potential for her style and variety, more so than Blake with his country music background can.

“I’m serious, dude! Write these down and look them up. You’re going to need them.”

His friend’s enthusiasm is more than helpful and welcome but does nothing to alleviate the inner shift of Blake’s thoughts to a somber and moody quality.

For a change Blake doesn't mind that the night with Adam is coming to a close. It isn't that he wants to get rid of his friend. It's just that he suddenly prefers to be alone with his thoughts.

When Adam takes off he is still mostly oblivious to the state he's leaving Blake in, only sensing a slight withdrawal from the country singer _._ He's known Blake long enough not to take it personally, Blake will talk to him when he's ready.

Finally alone, Blake goes back and replays the last file from where Gwen's audition begins.

**

Blake remains glued to his screen and watches Gwen's performance over and over, for the rest of the night.

Some part of her voice in that song still doesn't seem like it truly belongs to her. Rather, he feels, her voice comes from a dimension of the universe that collects every innumerable sliver of pain on earth, and it's been waiting for Gwen to take on as much as she can bear and transmute it into rare notes perceivable for the human soul.

The longer Blake watches her, the more he allows the emotion in her voice to command him and wallows in a pool of grief mixed with the forcefulness of her voice and the demons of his own failure.

To some degree, music had always had that effect on him. It was so tightly interwoven with every aspect of his life that it inexplicably bound him to experiences, emotions and the people he deeply cared about.

Richie's vinyls had been the greatest and only source of comfort for a loss that forever changed his fourteen-year-old self. Years later he used to be happy and relaxed when he went on tour and performed. And now on the show he uses it to put his whole experience into guiding younger talents.

How could Blake not react to Gwen? How could he possibly guard himself, when she, with a voice that truly isn’t hers, reaches right into his core and finds her way through every pore of the walls he had built around himself.

She's there now. He doesn't ever want her to leave. As Blake's heart races in his chest, his thoughts abandon every sensible notion and continue to wander into their own abyss of raw desperation.

He should not have watched her audition tonight; he did anyway. It's too late to come out of it, now. 

His memory of Gwen's own pain is the only reason he manages the once unthinkable feat and does not drink tonight.

Instead, Blake waits for morning to come.

**

The cloud of gloomy emotions remains with Blake for several days until it's the afternoon he is supposed to meet up with Gwen. He's early, like on so many days, and gets himself another cup of coffee to make up for the fact that now it's him who he hasn't been sleeping well. He keeps the light on a low setting to hide his tired appearance, which has the added benefit to keep the bigger space more comfortable when it's just two people there.

As much as the elements of her voice had sent him into darkness, when Gwen arrives at the studio, it's her whole being that softens and lightens up his heart. She walks through the doors with bags in her hand and widely smiles at him.

“Hey, good to see you,” she greets him with warm excitement.

Today Gwen wears well-worn jeans and the blazer he'd seen her in once before over a soft-looking shirt, her hair falls onto her shoulders in big waves.

He waits until she sets down her things before resuming to welcome her with the friendly hug they'd gotten used to for rehearsals.

“Hi.” Blake smiles in equal warmth all the way up to his eyes. Everything about Gwen being here makes him feel better.

Once he's certain Gwen is well and back to her more cheerful self, he wants to know about Kingston.

“How is the little one?”

“Much, much better, and making me laugh every day. He's with my mom and dad now, getting spoiled,” Gwen reports of her son.

“Sounds good. You don't seem like you mind.”

“I really don't,” Gwen exclaims honestly. “I love them so much for being a steady part in his life. He deserves as much spoiling as they can give.

“Speaking of which, you deserve just as much of a thank you. A real one this time.”

Gwen turns to sort through her bags and pulls out case after case of well-wrapped Tupperware containers.

“We cooked, so all of this for you, come look.“ Gwen pulls him by his elbow to stand next to her.

“This here is chili and home-made tortilla chips.” She points to a big container that has separate cases inside. “You just add cheese or sour-creme or whatever else you like after heating it up.

"These here are meatball lasagna,” Gwen points to another two boxes, “very straightforward.

"And these over here are a stir fry. Good with rice, naan bread or by itself.” Gwen beams knowingly at him.

“Everything will be fine in the fridge for a few days, but you can also freeze each box for later. Detailed instructions are in the bags.”

Gwen rambles on in an energized and adorable fashion and flashes him a full on bright and confident smile.

“King chose caramel and sea-salt chocolate brownies for your dessert. They're his favorite, except that he never gets a whole tray. These freeze, too. Oh, and we expect you for dinner next week. Kingston thinks you might like fried chicken. Would you enjoy fried chicken? ”

Blake's laughs heartily from his belly and relaxes for the first time. It is really good to be with Gwen. He's learned his lesson and certainly won't protest if she's decided to feed him again.

“Alright. I'm just gonna accept these and will enjoy every piece and morsel. Won’t even try to change your mind, 'caus I don't think I'd get a word in, anyway,” he teases her in a southern fashion.

“You never had a chance.” Gwen beams and holds his lingering gaze.

**

When the conversation turns from food to the show and they're ready to begin their session, Blake takes his favorite seat in the armchair next to the piano. They're working without the instrument today, but Gwen still uses it to lean against and lays out her materials on top.

Blake's initial belief about her need for a make-up date was not far off.

Gwen is impressive and incredibly well-prepared. She has memorized the entire lyrics, notes and pacing of the song completely and ends up working without the sheet music. Barely any contestant shows up like that. After her warm up, Blake explains the dynamics they have envisioned. Running through the progression for the first time, Gwen instantly integrates his ideas and expertly switches between her parts and James' verses. Her timing is close to perfect, even without James to work against.

If Blake has taken away anything useful from watching her audition it is knowing that Gwen is still holding back some of her true depth and power. Partly, he believes, because she still thinks she has to match it to James, which she doesn't, but they'll work on that; and partly, he thinks, because they're not on stage yet. He cannot wait to see and hear her sing live, with a band and an audience. The anticipation gives him goosebumps. She is going to rock their world.

On the downside, the longer he and Gwen rehearse, the more he's being drawn back into the part of his mind where he cannot escape his own thoughts. It is just the two of them alone in his studio, and there is nothing and no one for Blake to hide behind. It doesn’t matter that Gwen is working with an upbeat song, it's still the range of her achingly brilliant tone that finds its way to everything that is still bottled up inside him.

While Gwen uses her emotions to sing and appears to have found a way to work through them, Blake had come nowhere near to dealing with his own. His demons, only placated before, have been waiting in the background for their moment, ready to break down his walls the very moment he's too worn out to guard them.

“Should I start from the beginning, just one more time?” Gwen asks softly. She has been very aware of the shift in Blake's presence. He had looked tired and lost in thought when she had first arrived in his studio, a stark contrast to his more relaxed and extrovert manner. His heartfelt greeting and their brief joking had momentarily varied from her impression, but she still trusts her initial perception. In the course of their session it had become apparent to her that Blake didn’t seem to be in a good place.

“Yeah, let’s do a final round. You’re doing really well,” Blake agrees more quietly than he usually would.

“If you feel you can do it here, try and don’t hold back during your own parts? See how powerful you can go in this setting?”

The gentle suggestion does not come easy for Blake. Personally, he needs to take a break and get a hold of himself, but they’re almost done, so he wills everything on his inside to keep it together for a few more minutes. He would like for Gwen to try this just once, at least to get used to the idea, before they can build on it with James next week.

As Gwen begins to go through the last version of her parts in their battle-song, she finally witnesses Blake’s true reaction to her voice. She continues her performance but Blake’s change in posture and demeanor right in front of her almost breaks her heart.

At first she simply recognizes remnants of what she saw in his reaction to her audition on stage and the small glimpse of his grief he's allowed her to see when they were talking in his studio.

As she goes on, the upcoming emotions in him are so powerfully visible, it takes all of her professionalism not to simply drop out of the song.

While Gwen continues to sing, Blake's expression loses its soft smile and slowly forms to embrace only melancholy and sorrow. He leans down on his knees and his shoulders slump. His hands are clasped together in front of him, almost hiding the rest of his face. His blue gaze is fixated on her, slightly covered by a haze of tears. His eyes become so small, he almost seems to have them closed. He cannot look away.

Gwen finishes and no longer cares about how she did. All she cares about is Blake, who is close to tears, sitting right in front of her.

“What's going on, Blake?” she asks softly.


	6. Chapter 6

In place of an answer, Blake slowly shakes his head from side to side. As gently as Gwen asks, right this moment he has no words for her.

Gwen had done exactly as he asked her to, she hasn't held back and it turned out to be his undoing.

“What can I do?” She tries again, patiently, and takes a few steps towards Blake.

Blake shakes his head again, burying his face into his palms now. In his mind,  _ nothing _ is what she can do. 

His limbs feel heavy and the drumming in his head pounds stronger every time he takes a breath. Blake doesn't want to look at her any longer. He can't help but let her see him like this, there’s no going back. But he can't watch her see him break down.

“You become upset when I sing?” 

Her observation is so very careful, a statement as much as a question, but not one Gwen shies away from. She continues her slow steps towards Blake until she stands right in front of him. She's not leaving him alone when there's the slightest chance he might allow her to comfort him.

Blake leans his head down in Gwen's direction to hide the accumulating number of silent tears rolling down along his cheeks.

“Yea'.” Husky and drawn it’s all he can manage to say. With Gwen, everything about the feelings he had pushed away has become so different. She sees right through him and pulls them back up into the light like no one before her. They are too real here and they still overwhelm him. At the same time, without even knowing, Gwen has innocently swept into his life with her smile full of radiant brown eyes and a heart filled with kindness, and offers him the magic of peace from a pain so pervasive it had once threatened to kill him.

Gwen takes one last step until Blake's forehead comes to rest against her stomach.

The sensation is a shock to Blake. Her warm contact only aids in drawing out his emotions but for the first time in days he feels his inner tension receding. Blake inhales the comforting fragrance of Gwen's scent and buries his face into her shirt. He cannot hold on any longer.

When Blake doesn't protest about her proximity, Gwen acts on pure instinct and need to soothe the raw pain emanating from her friend. Her small hand cradles the back of has head against her belly while her free arm reaches around his shoulder to steady him against her.

“It's alright.” A bare whisper from Gwen into his hair. “You don't have to do this alone.”

It's impossible for Gwen not to share her Blake's affliction, her eyes fill up to the brim as he shakes in ragged breaths against her body. She doesn't talk, she can't even. She is simply there and holds him as close as their tentative bond allows, slowly caressing the back of his neck. She hopes and prays in silence it will be enough.

She couldn't know then how much Blake privately seeks physical contact with his loved ones, how deeply he craves it in times of emotional need. It's everything she could have done for him, yet she has no way of knowing how much it means, how much he already trusts her.

It feels they stay like this forever until Blake's strong reaction finally begins to subside. She keeps her hold on him anyway, unwilling to let go, even when his breath is calming and he seems to simply rest against the fabric over her skin.

It's a while longer, before Blake speaks, quietly and exhausted, “I think I gotta go home to Oklahoma for a few days.”  
  
**

Blake leaves the next morning. He spends the plane ride staring out of the window, subdued and withdrawn but with an inner clarity he had long been missing. There is serious evaluating he needs to do, and home, his real home, is where he needs to begin. He had left messages with Luke, Adam and the show's producers. They won’t need him until next week. He should be back by then.

His mom welcomes him with open arms and waits patiently to know what has prompted her son to travel home so suddenly. She is privately elated to see him back in her house, and no matter the short notice, he’s staying with her, she won't hear otherwise.

Blake takes an excited Betty out for the rest of the afternoon, letting her chase through the woods as he walks behind her without direction. His four-legged-friend is clearly torn between her sense for adventure and the pure joy of being reunited with her favorite human. After she takes off she sprints back to him every few minutes, her tail wagging wildly, to reassure herself that he’s really still with her and fiercely demands his attention.

The deep woods in the middle of late Oklahoma summer unfold their own magic. Trees and bushes, thickly grown in all shades of green, stand their own ground with a presence to strong and vital they replace his inner vision of confining city concrete. Beneath their cool shade and the steady rustling of leaves and branches, his feet tread along the fertile soil while his mind is somewhere else. The longer Blake stays out here, the more he begins to forget about the never-ending rush of LA traffic and its constant noise and lights.

Without planning to, he finds himself near a favorite stream and locates a dry spot to sit down and stretch out his legs. He picks at the grass and stares in to the nearby water until Betty nuzzles against him so enthusiastically that he throws stick after stick into the running water for her to retrieve. God, it's only now he realizes how hard it had been to keep himself imprisoned in that city.

At night, Blake settles down at his mom’s dinner table, squeezed in between his sister’s family. Betty sits closely by his side, her head resting sleepily on his thighs while he keeps patting her head and scratching her ears. Now that he allows himself to feel it, his family’s sense of love and support warms him from the inside out. Blake feels nowhere as lost as he thought he would. They had all been waiting for him to come back.

In the following week, he spends the mornings fishing, taking Betty to check on all the fences of his property, and organizes for other necessary outdoor work to be handled. After a late lunch he's usually relaxed enough to go back to the house. Here he takes careful inventory of everything that is left from the time in which he was married and decides how it will fit into his new life.

Together with Betty, his mom, and sister and her family already have a prime spot. Family will always come first.

His ranch comes second, another decision that turns out to be easier than he had thought. When he first came up along the driveway, his queasy stomach settled in relief. A year ago, his first rash instinct had been wanting to sell, to just get rid of everything and never see this particular piece of earth again. Walking away instead turned out to be a good thing. Despite all the heartache he had felt here, everything about this place is home to him. He hopes that with some changes, enough time, and new memories it will completely feel like his own again.

Inside of his house he goes through every room and determines what to about it. There were no more personal items from his ex-wife present, that much he had insisted on after their divorce. She had not actually spent that much time here, Blake reflects. Now there is only furniture, household items and other assorted decorations that he wants to go through for his own sake. He decides to donate most of the every day furnishings from the living room and surrounding areas, save for the kitchen stuff. His personal items remain untouched, as do his guitars and his outdoor-gear.

On day four, he is ready to continue with the bedrooms. These are by far more difficult. Eventually he decides to simply switch them around, so the biggest guest-bedroom out of three will become his new master-bedroom. Blake spends that afternoon collecting only the furnishing he loves and assembles it in his new bedroom. His changed view goes out to the back, looking over the pond and into the beginning woods. A perfect sight for him.

Somehow all his replacements still don't feel enough and it's his mom's husband who prompts him to think about getting some fresh paint for the place. It’s an idea he instantly likes. That night and the next he picks wall colors with his mom and arranges for the painters to come in when he's due back in LA. His mom and her husband are happy to oversee the work and keep him updated on its progress.

On his last day, he ventures out to the garages. The trucks are unexpectedly hard. He doesn't know why, but now they stand for something he is not so interested in anymore. In the end he decides to keep only two out of the original seven. One is a reliable newer model he had always been comfortable in, the second is a pretty run-down back-up for bad weather or emergencies that still runs well despite its appearance.

So far, his stables and the actual farm land remain unattended. There is only so much he can do within a few days. The stables, at the moment, are empty anyway. Part of his former livestock he had simply sold, the other half had been given away a year ago. The fields and his garden plots are overgrown but not as bad as he had feared after their time of neglect. He hadn't been interested in getting them managed.

It's easier now to imagine a few horses one the fields, young ducklings in the pond, a family of cats roaming the land for mice and Betty happily in the middle of them. He could try and get help now to clear everything up during the fall and work in new fertilizer for next spring. He'll find something to put into the ground then that will make him happy.

These new ideas are inspiring and energizing to Blake. It's a good thing nature doesn't stop. He could take his time, start out slow, and fill his property with life again.

Over the course of the week, Blake has a lot of time to think, he uses it well. He worked himself hard at the ranch, went back for a late dinner at his mom's house and then fell into bed so bone-tired he went to sleep almost instantly. It's only in those few minutes before a dreamless state claims him that he allows himself to pull up his memories of Gwen. His private vision of her smiling at him and the feelings of her hugging him close with the sweet touch of her hands against the skin of his neck are the last thoughts to comfort him into sleep. He had needed to concentrate on different things during the day, but deep into the night, he always finds this memory of Gwen to go back to.

**

Back in Los Angeles, Gwen doesn’t hear from Blake. She has no reason to believe she would, but nevertheless she wishes she would know how he was doing. In some way it feels like they have formed an invisible bond in their moments of overwhelming emotions, one that feels so comforting and full of acceptance she needs to see Blake in person and make sure by herself that he was going to be okay.

As her days go on, she enjoys every minute with Kingston and keeps herself busy with school and work. Still, in her few quiet moments, Blake fills up the majority of her thoughts.

On the day of their last rehearsal before taping the Battle rounds, some not so small part of her becomes oddly anxious.

Would Blake even be back in the city? Perhaps he had changed his plans and needed more time in Oklahoma. She was certain the producers would make an exception for him, one of their longest and most loyal coaches. In addition, her team had already made so much progress, surely James and she would be okay to finish up with just Luke and the band. She knows it would crush her just a little bit if Blake weren't there, but it would be alright, just as long as he was doing okay. If only she didn’t want to see him so badly.

**

Arriving at the rehearsal studio, Gwen climbs the stairs and unconsciously accelerates her steps when she begins to see the familiar shape of a certain country singer coach through the open doors ahead.

“Blake!” She calls out and her face lights up.

The tall figure turns around, just as she reaches the door. It really is him.

“Gwen...” Her name rolls of his tongue like a tender term of endearment.

“You’re really here!” Without hesitation Gwen closes their distance and joyfully reaches up to embrace her coach. She knows she sounds excited but she doesn’t mind, she wants him to know how glad she is to see him.

“Of course I am!” Blake reassures her with the return of her sweet hug and speaks softly against her hair. “I wouldn’t miss today.”

Gwen draws back slightly and smilingly searches Blake’s face. “How are you?”

“I'm good, Gwen.” He smiles at her in a quietly happy state. Blake sounds just like he says he is and his appearance makes it easy for Gwen to believe him. Oklahoma must have been good for him. If Blake is feeling as well as he looks, he's definitely saying the truth. 

Blake is freshly shaven, his blue eyes shine bright and awake, and he appears lighter in his whole manner, as if a weight had been taken off his shoulders. He holds her gaze, his arm still halfway wrapped around Gwen’s waist and for a moment they become lost in each others eyes.

It’s only when the laughing voices of Luke and James suddenly reach up from downstairs that the pair breaks apart, knowing the two men will join them shortly.

There’s only seconds for Blake to let Gwen know he needs to see her again.

“Your offer for fried chicken still good?” Despite the heaviness of that day, he hasn’t forgotten her invitation. Quite the opposite, Blake has been hoping Gwen hadn’t changed her mind.

“Oh, absolutely!” Gwen beams in shy surprise. She thinks quickly. “Tomorrow night good for you?”

“Perfect, can’t wait.” Blake's face lights with another smile and he keeps his gaze on Gwen as long as he can. It’s a promise of more time for them to see each other outside of the studio.

**

With Luke and James joining Gwen and Blake for rehearsal, the four easily find their way back into where Gwen and James had left off. Its important that they do, too; there won't be much time left once they're done today.

In preparation for the Battles, the upcoming week will be a very busy one for the contestants. The singers are scheduled for final wardrobe meetings which go hand in hand with the hair-and-make-up department. Final stage rehearsals with the band and all the technical equipment will follow next. They are also expected to be available for additional filming to supplement previously filmed clips from their home lives and rehearsals. Things are getting more serious now and next week will be a first test to see how they're holding up against the building pressure of a reality TV show.

Blake can do very little to lessen any stress the tight schedule might cause, it's simply part of the show and he firmly believes his singers can handle it. Still, he wants each of them to do well and he makes sure they know. His best advice for James and Gwen is to keep being themselves, in front of the camera as much as behind, and to focus on the music they love as a guide through the week.

In the first half of their rehearsal, the two singers warm up with slow run-throughs of their song before they continue with the main focus on their transitions and the final harmony. James has brought his A game this time so they’re both well able to work without the sheet music. James and Gwen are so different from each other, but their dynamic works out just the way Blake had envisioned. The way they're working this song, it should be an amazing experience on stage. During its course, James’ voice is the charmingly soulful base that flirts and dances with the contrasts of Gwen’s sheer energy and depth until both their voices meet in a melting of their emotions.

Blake watches them in close concentration. Both of his singers are definitely ready. James is the epitome of an easy-going performer. He enjoys every minute of the attention he attracts. Gwen, so far, has been more subtle and integrates fewer but more powerful physical elements during her part of the performance. She prefers to focus on her voice and as far as Blake is concerned, she is technically perfect, there’s no question about it. Now she needs only the confidence to let herself stand out next to her male partner. Having seen and heard Gwen on her own before, the way she is holding back again is very noticeable to Blake. He can’t quite put his finger on why she’s doing it. Either Gwen is being too kind for the situation and deliberately chooses not to upstage her partner or there is another reason that keeps her from going all the way when she is not alone.

Blake already knows that he is going to have a hell of a hard time choosing between the two of them. He knows who he  _ wants _ to be able to pick, but with his sense of integrity and his longtime obligation to the show he would never just choose a winner based on personal sympathies. He's known a coach or two who may have swayed that way during their time on the show, but it's simply not something Blake would do. With Gwen and James, he’ll have to go with his gut and the result of their performance that day, just like he did with everybody else; there’s no way around it.

For the second half of their rehearsal time, Blake and Luke had planned to split up Gwen and James between the two of them and work with them one-on-one to fine-tune their overall presentation before the stage rehearsal. As much as they needed both singers to work as a team, they were also in competition against each other and deserved to be coached on their individual strengths.

Luke reminds Blake that he had called dibs on working with Gwen as soon as they had talked through their initial plan. Her charm and abilities have completely won Luke over, not that Blake is surprised. Luke, too, has watched the material of her audition several times and Blake trusts he knows what he's doing.

Blake agrees more quickly than he ordinarily would, simple because it's the best option for Gwen. He'd been focusing on many different things this afternoon while also watching her sing again and is secretly relieved he was able to keep his own emotions in check. Now he just wants to keep it that way. Gwen needs to concentrate on herself this time.

Nevertheless, Blake takes the short break as an opportunity to pull Luke aside and go over his observation.

“Listen, I know Gwen is capable of being even more powerful in her parts when she's performing alone. I've heard her do it by herself, you wouldn't believe how amazing she was. She needs to be able to perform that way on stage next week, I don't want her to put herself second. Try and work on that, will you?”

“I got this buddy, don’t you worry.” Luke grins and claps Blake's shoulders. When Blake is not convinced he becomes more serious. “I do know what you mean, I've been guessing the same. We'll work on it.”

At this moment Blake can only hope his friend will be successful.

It's a good thing he has dinner plans he's really looking forward to as a distraction.   
Perhaps tomorrow Gwen will tell him how it went.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Blake stops his car in Gwen's driveway; he runs his fingers through his hair. He doesn't want to admit it, but damn, he's nervous again. This is the first time he's at Gwen's house for a normal reason. No forgotten belongings, no emergencies. Just dinner and the opportunity to spend time together. Why is he so nervous then? He's been at friend's places for dinner probably a hundred times.

Except that Gwen is not simply a friend. Without even knowing she happens to be the first person to help him feel himself for a long time. She also has a heart of gold as beautiful as everything else about her.

He takes gentle hold of the well-wrapped bouquet laying on his passenger's seat and makes his way to her door.

When he rings, Blake is swiftly greeted by the familiar sight of a certain blonde-haired boy,  
who once again appears to have beaten his mother to welcome him.

“Helloohoo, Mr. Blake”, Kingston sing-songs in happy excitement and Blake crouches down to his level.

“Hi Kingston. Good to see you again, buddy. You look like you're feeling so much better. Are you allowed to let me inside?”

“Yup. Momma said I could!” King answers proudly. Lightheartedly he then reaches for Blake's big hand to tug him into the house.

“Come on, we’re having the best chicken ever!”

Blake can already smell delicious wafts coming his way. Going by scent alone, Kingston is probably right.

*

When Gwen greets him, all thoughts of dinner are momentarily forgotten. She is smiling at him with soft nervousness and there's something she did to her hair tonight that he can't look away from. On each side, the first few strands of her golden tresses are finely woven away from her face and come together loosely on the back of her head. He resists the sudden instinct to want to brush his finger over her hair. He can only imagine how soft it must feel while being so shiny and intricately beautiful at the same time.

“Hi, Blake.”

Blake's heart takes another fast beat as Gwen allows him to envelope her in one of his bear hugs. He can make out the slight fragrance of warm vanilla as she slides her arms around his waist. He tries to hide the relaxed sigh that escapes him.

“I got you these from Oklahoma.” He holds up the small bouquet for Gwen to see, uncertain if  
it's even something she would like.

Gwen gingerly handles the flower arrangement and a magnificent smile forms all the way up to her eyes.

“Oh wow! These are so beautiful. Thank you!" She smiles timidly. "How did you even know I love them?”

“What is it, Momma?” Kingston has been watching them curiously and can't wait to see.

“Look Sweetie, they're really pretty sunflowers. My favorites.” Gwen kneels down to her son so he can see the beautiful blossoms.

“See all the soft petals that make a ring to looks just like the sun?“

“Yea', they're real pretty.“

“I think so, too. All the petals start out looking orange and red in the middle and then turn into a golden colour. That's really unusual. I don't think I've seen this type before.”

Blake follows their sweet exchange in contentment. He loves how enchanted Gwen seems to be and wonders what other flowers she might enjoy. It was such a simple gesture to bring these back for her, freshly cut and hydrated since just before he had to go to the airport.

“I used to grow these on my ranch when I first moved there,” he offers. “A few plants still pop up randomly each year. These sat right under the kitchen window. They reminded me of you.”

Gwen blushes when his last words register with her, “Really?”

She is glad when Kingston keeps talking, although now she'll have to wait for Blake's answer.

“Momma, can we put them on the table?”

“Absolutely. Let's find a vase.”

Blake watches as she keeps a gentle hold on his flowers and begins to look through her kitchen cabinets.

“Did you go to -'kla-ho-ma just to get momma her flowers, Mr. Blake?” King's question is innocent while he carefully tries to sound out the state.

“Kingston,” Gwen softly admonishes her son in mild embarrassment, “we don’t-.“

“It's fine, Gwen...,” Blake smiles at her worried expression and gently shakes his head to show he doesn't mind. The truth would certainly not be suitable for young ears, but he's been around children enough to guide her son's interest into a safe area.

“Not just. I was visiting my dog. Her name is Betty. You wanna see her pictures?”

As expected Kingston is easily redirected by the prospects of watching something on Blake's phone. The guys find space on the couch while Gwen remains occupied with finishing touches in the kitchen.

Kingston watches in awe as Blake swipes through his phone and finds pictures of Betty.

“Look here, that's her. I found her when she was real little.”

“And then she came to live with you?”

“Exactly.”

“Cool! She looks really friendly.” Kingston watches Betty's pictures with pretty strong focus for a three-year-old as Blake slowly goes through them. After a while the boy gets a wistful look.

“I wish we could have a dog. But momma says our house is too little and we're gone too much.”

“Yeah, I'm afraid she might be right, buddy. You gotta have space and time for them. Dogs want to move a lot, and they don't like to be alone.

“Look here, this is Betty and me outside in the woods.” Blake pulls up a video he had taken on his first day back with Betty and him by the stream. He turns his phone so Kingston can see better while the boy scoots closer and leans across his arm. It inwardly amazes Blake that Kingston would act to trustingly around him.

“She's all excited and jumping up and down!” Kingston observes Betty's antics with enthusiasm.

“Yep, she’s waiting for me to throw the branch. She'll go and fetch it, over and over. Betty loves playing in the water."

“Me too!” Kingston claps and imitates Betty's jumping motions so strongly that Blake's full laughter fills the room.

“What's so funny, you guys?” Gwen joins them to see a repeat of the video and takes hold of her bouncing boy. “Settle down, little monkey,” she talks softly into his ear and kisses the side of his head, “remember, there's ice-cream for dessert.”

The short film plays for the second time and Gwen admires Betty's charm just as much as Kingston.

“She's beautiful, Blake. It's so easy to see how happy she is to be there with you.”

“She was,“ Blake confirms, “I really missed her, too.”

Gwen can tell that he is a little more serious than before. It must be hard for Blake to leave his four-legged-friend behind for most of the time. She holds his gaze with compassion until the timer in the kitchen pings.

“Okay, you two, we can eat when you're ready.” She is met by two eager, nodding faces.

“We are.”

“King, why don't you show Blake the bathroom so you guys can wash your hands.”  
Blake smiles at her knowingly. He certainly knows the way, but it's sweet she's giving her son a reason to feel important while making sure he's ready to sit down.

“This way, Mr. Blake, let's be quick.” Kingston cheerily tugs on his hand again. His small fingers feel precious in Blake's palm.

*

Gwen serves them a family style dinner Blake will long proclaim to be his new favorite.

He's prepared when Gwen and Kingston are ready to say grace and holds out his hands to each of them. With another glance at Gwen he almost misses closing his eyes in time. He concentrates on the delicate grasp of her small palm in his and tries to commit it to memory. It feels wrong to let go of her when they're done. He's certain it's just his imagination when it feels like Gwen is holding on to his hand a few seconds longer than the occasion would allow.

Then they tuck in. Perfectly seasoned chicken pieces, golden and crispy on the outside yet entirely moist and tender on the inside they practically melt on his tongue, meet the sizzling goodness of homemade sweet potato fries. Blanched green beans glazed in butter and parsley make up the healthier portion of the evening as Gwen's home-made gravy, drizzled over every course, brings everything together in crowning triumph. It's pure heaven and he tells her so.

Kingston giggles nonstop when Blake keeps complimenting Gwen on her cooking. He's doing it even more once he notices how sweetly she blushes and he keeps finding new ways to say how much he loves every bit of her food. Gwen throws amused glances at him while he and Kingston each go for a healthy serving of seconds. For dessert they have scoops of the chocolate ice-cream he had brought over for them, and a choice of sprinkles or strawberries, or both if you happen to be three years old.

When they have finished and Kingston happily runs off for a last bit of playtime before bed, Blake insists on helping with the clean-up, ignoring much of Gwen's protests. She has done more than enough work in the kitchen as far as he is concerned. While Gwen loads the dish-washer, Blake handles the bigger pots and pans with ease and they work alongside each other to dry them off.

Once more Blake becomes aware of how relaxing and domestic this is. He likes being in Gwen's home. He likes being with her and her son.

Gwen relieves him of his dishtowel and hangs it up to dry with her own before she turns to him.

“Will you make yourself comfortable and stay for coffee? I'm just going to get Kingston ready for bed. It won't be too long.”

“I'd love to, you guys take your time.” Blake means it, he is in no hurry to end this still early evening.

*

Kingston, clad in dinosaur pajamas, is suddenly shy as he approaches Blake in the living room. He rubs the back of his right hand across his sleepy eyes, Bear already tucked under his left arm.

“Bear and me say goodnight?”

From where he sits on the couch, Blake scoots forward to King's level and opens his arms to lightly embraces the tired child against his chest. Kingston leans into him easily.

“Night, night, Mr. Blake. No bugs bite,” he mumbles.

“No bugs bite, little buddy. Sleep well,” Blake replies tenderly.

Gwen watches them from the nearest doorway with a smile playing across her face, ready to scoop up her returning son and snuggle him to sleep.

A short while later she joins Blake with two steaming cups of coffee from her kitchen. She wouldn't let him help, the machine is Italian, a keepsake from her mom, and finicky with its well-used gear.

Her tv plays quietly in the background. Blake has settled on some low key music channel. By now she knows his interest in genres reaches far beyond just country, even if he's not as familiar with current pop charts. The soft tunes make for an almost intimate ambiance as Gwen lets herself fall gently down into her couch and draws up her legs.

She studies Blake from the side, his sudden proximity almost gives her goosebumps. He smells of coffee and cologne, so warmly familiar and attractive that it becomes difficult to focus on anything else. All evening he has looked so handsome in what appeared like new jeans and a dark blue shirt. His neatly rolled up sleeves offer her a close view of the soft-looking skin beyond his hands and she wonders what it would feel like to run her fingers up and down his forearms. Her stomach keeps fluttering when their eyes meet and she thinks she blushes as she quickly looks away.

It will be remain her secret that she's beginning to feel like this about him. She's not hurting anyone by admitting a small crush to herself. Inbetween rehearsal yesterday and her sweet and oblivious boy tonight she has used every available opportunity to keep her attention on something else beside her increasing attraction to her coach. She won't ignore her own feelings but she needs to keep them to herself for now.

To make it simpler, part of her wants to believe that it's most likely just the setting of it all. To her, Blake is a very handsome man in every way possible. He has been emotional, and so has she, they each certainly have enough reasons to be. Encompassed by music they both love and the intensity of everything to do with of the show, it's not too surprising she would begin to see him in a different way; though Blake stands out to her in ways that have nothing to do with the Voice but everything with the type of man he is.

It has been beautiful to discover that she might still be able to have romantic feelings for someone, that she could trust another man that way, even as a friend. She won't give herself a hard time for reconnecting with these emotions. Instead, Gwen has made up her mind to just go with everything that is meant to happen and do her best not to be too open a book to read. For the rest of tonight that means she'll have to do without the safe distractions of her little buffer.

Blake faces her comfortably and relaxes into the back of the couch.

“Kingston is a lot of fun to hang out with. How come he's so easy going with me?”

Gwen smiles when her thoughts turn to her son.

“You know, he's got a very trusting nature and he's still so innocent. He takes his cue from me or his grandparents, like, he can see how we get along and he hears how I talk about you, so he just does the same.”

“Really, you been talking about me?” Blake is teasing her now. Kingston acting like Gwen's little mirror is actually the sweetest vote of confidence he could have hoped for.

“Are you kidding, of course I am! We've been watching old Blind Auditions for weeks. He talks about you like you're his new big friend on tv. He gets so excited when you push your button and I have to tell him all about the studio and the rehearsals every week.”

“That sounds fun! I'd love to give you a proper tour. Why don't you bring him for a visit sometime soon? Bring your whole family if they wanna come. It'll be great to take them behind the scenes.”

“You're serious?”

“Sure I am. Trust me, I am a great guide on that premise. It's all about the inside access.”  
Blake flashes her a big grin. “After the Battles then?”

“Deal!”

Gwen hopes so anyway. In all reality she might not be permitted back on the studio grounds after her battle performance. It's an uncomfortable thought to bear, especially when just the idea of making plans to take her whole family to meet Blake and visit the sets is enough to get her excited.

An unsettling feeling of dread spreads throug her stomach and replaces her quiet joy. Gwen did not want to deal with this tonight, but perhaps she finally needs to, for her sake and for Blake's.

“You know, that was really good advice yesterday. About letting the music we love be our guide. It could do a lot more than just get us through this week.”

“I believe so, too,” Blake agrees.

“So,” Gwen pauses at first, “you know it would be okay if I didn't make it past the Battles, right?”

She takes a deep breath, she needs Blake to understand this as much as she does. “It's been such a special few weeks already. I honestly never thought I'd even qualify for the Blinds. And now you guys are forced to let half of us go before the real competition even starts. That must be so hard for you. I just want you to know I'll be forever grateful for everything that has already happened.”

Blake is not sure where she's going with this. It's the first time he's heard her talk this way but she sounds serious to say the least. He begins to shift in his position.

“Gwen, it's all of us that need to be grateful for you, not the other way around.” As much as he speaks from his heart, he's done this long enough to also know her value for the show.

“You got a four-chair-turn for your audition, remember? Whatever happens in a few days, I just know in my gut this won't be you last chance. Please don't worry, okay?”

Gwen inwardly wishes it would be so easy.

“I might not do as well as you want me to. I don't want to disappoint you.” She realizes only when she hears herself, how much she really means it. She wishes badly it weren't true, that she could do more to have him believe in her.

“Oh Gwen, no-, no. What makes you think so?” Blake closes the small distance between them so their legs are touching. The way Gwen looks at him is alarming, like she's silently pleading him to accept something he doesn't yet understand.

“I just... know _,_ okay? I didn't wan't to get your hopes up. _I'm sorry._ ” She's been so good at pushing her anxiety away until now.

“Gwen, where is this coming from? You've got to know you've put an incredible amount of work in preparing for this. All this time I haven't heard you doubt yourself. You honestly do deserve this.”

Gwen's not meeting his eyes. It hurts him to see her upset again. She couldn't possibly think of giving up before they had really started. How could she not know she had surpassed any expectation the moment she first stepped on stage?

“Things didn't go that well with Luke?” Blake asks a softly as he can. He has to try somewhow. It's too painful to see Gwen being doubtful and unhappy all of a sudden. Without all of his own stuff distracting him, could he have seen this coming earlier? Had he missed something?

“You and Luke keep saying I'm holding back!” Her own sadness and frustrations spill out of Gwen as her eyes begin to fill up like teary pools of chocolate.

No-, oh no! Blake is momentarily stunned. How could he not have noticed? Gwen has been so serious and sensitive about everything they'd worked on, the slightest suggestions had been enough to inspire a tremendous response from her.  - This was _his_ fault. He should have known not to push his latest thoughts the way he did. Instead he made it worse by getting Luke to do the same. It makes perfect sense that she would be upset - what a collossal coaching fuck-up. Blake can't help but berate himself. He has got to step up his game somehow and help her through this.

“You're finding it really difficult no to... ,” Blake fills in softly. It seems he he's beginning to understand what's going on. Gwen's well-being is his responsibility now.

“ _Yes!_ ” Gwen steadies herself with both arms wrapped around her middle, hopelessness settling on her face, “I know you're right – but I don't know how to fix it...”

Right away, neither can Blake, he's going to need to think this over first. Until then, there's only one thing he wants to do. 

“Gwen," he murmus to her softly, "can I hold you for a moment?”

She looks at Blake through her blurry vision before she nods slowly and wordlessly leans into his arms. It's instinctive for Blake to embrace her into a gentle hug. One hand rubs aimless circles up and down her back while he feels a patch on his shoulder becoming slightly damp. They are silent tears Gwen is allowing him to winess. He doesn't mind. He never could with her. Blake is more unsettled by how still she is.

“Shh, shh, sweetheart, it's okay,” the tearm of endearment escapes him without notice, "this is not your fault, Gwen. You're going to be fine. I should have known earlier. It's me who needs to be sorry. Keep breathing and listen to my voice, alright?” Blake pauses for a moment before he continues murmuring to her. “You're not alone. We should have helped you before. Please don't be upset anymore, we'll figure something out.”

After a while, Blake feels Gwen relax into him. Her heart still beats somewhat agitated against his chest and she hiccups slightly into his shirt, but she appears to be comfortable like this. He almost wants to close his eyes and rest his head against hers.

“I think, you need to know something else first.” Gwen's voice is half hidden and scratchy against his large frame. Blakes takes a deep breath. “I'm here, sweetheart, I'm listenin'.” He keeps slowly caress her back in ressurance.

Eventually, Gwen begins to shine a small light into how she's feeling when another man is on stage with her whose is goal is to fight her for attention. If Blake wasn't already holding her closely, he'd certainly want to now.

“When I first went to college, I was in a band with my then-husband. We were both singers, I was writing as well. The band began to take off, we were getting some great gigs and offers to open on smaller tours, so we all decided to drop out of school and just kept doing what we loved. Ga- my ex-husband, he got really hooked up on that lifestyle, he craved all the attention once we were getting some recognition. He didn't deal well if anyone seemed more important than him. Especially me, no matter that I was standing out as the only girl...

I didn't see the red flags for a long time. I don't know why, looking back, it didn't make sense that I wouldn't notice. We had already started to try for a baby back then, I got distracted. Over time, the more things went wrong privately, the more I moved into the band's background. I just wanted us to be a family so much. I was hoping some part of him was just dealing differently than me, that he'd be really happy once I could give him a baby. Instead he began to blame me when I wanted to perform alongside him. We were fighting almost every day. I didn't know what else to do, so one day, I just stopped going on stage. Six months later, I found out about Kingston, but even after I had him, things never got back to the way they were. I've worked so hard to get him out of my head, but it's not working when there's another guy on stage with me. He took that freedom away from me, on top of everything else, and I truly don't know how to fix it.”

Gwen is truthfully in pain and Blake can see up close how much this hurts her, how angry she is in some way while still feeling without confidence. There's so much he wants to say but he holds back and focuses on begin her coach.

His free hand slides down from her hair and cups Gwen's warm and slightly wet cheek. Gingerly he then wipes away her tears with his thumb. She leans into his shoulder once more as his arms keep holding her close.

“It's gonna be okay, Gwen, we're gonna make it be okay.”

 


	8. The Battle, Part 1

The instant Gwen wakes up, she knows it is morning. Today is _the_ _day. Finally! – But_ , _oh God_ , what a start! She feels like she hasn't slept at all. For all of his excitement Kingston wouldn't settle down the night before and ended up in bed with her, sometime after midnight. She's been tossing and turning since, unable to calm down, much like her son. As a result she spent most of the night awake, thinking about the show, thinking about Blake, determinedly trying not to think about Blake, thinking about all the ways her battle performance today could go wrong and what this could mean for her. She resolves to take the next few minutes, until her alarm must go off, to remember how much she has wanted this opportunity and remind herself of all the things she is already grateful for. When she's almost serene enough to go back to sleep Gwen truly wonders why her alarm still doesn't interrupt her with its annoyingly effective beeping. As she turns around to check her phone on the bedside table, it's absolutely clear why. Oh no! No, no, NO! This is really not how she had planned for today to begin.

“Honey, wake up.” She urgently whispers to Kingston, who is dead asleep by her side, his face buried into her pillow.

“Wake up, please, baby. Momma's late. We've got to get going quickly.” His scrunched up face and protesting mumbles guilt her into slowing down and rethinking her options. She hates to stress him like this, because, much like herself, Kingston is not exactly a morning person.

“Alright, baby, just keep waking up for momma, okay? Don't go back to sleep.” She kisses his mussed hair before she jumps out of bed.

The upside of having overslept is simple. She needs to be quick on her feet and there is no more time for worrying. Her plans for the morning still remain. She'll drop of Kingston with her mom before heading on to school. As full as her day will be, there's still two classes she couldn't afford to miss even if she had wanted to. The Voice, and everything it includes, will be her sole world afterwards, but first she actually needs to get out of the house, and quickly. Gwen rushes through her abruptly shortened morning routine with the focus of someone who can't second guess herself. Baggy blue jeans, a flowy summer top and her hair in a simple pony tail is the attire she finds for now, it'll do before the hair, make-up and wardrobe appointments she has lined up in the afternoon. She manages to collect the stuff she and Kingston will need, and carries her still sleepy boy to the car. There's not enough time for a proper breakfast, instead she calls her mom from the car to let her know she's running late, and that King would still be in his pjs.

Fifteen minutes later, her mom meets her lovingly, and in full support mode for the day. In exchange for a now singing little boy she swiftly hands Gwen a blueberry muffin, along with coffee in a travel mug, and a banana, before sending her onto her way.

“Bye, bye momma. See you real soon.” Kingston waves cheerily after she hugs him and gets back into her car.  So far so good, even if she already misses him.

 Gwen makes it to campus just in time.

*

Classes pass both too slowly and too quickly, and Gwen finds it difficult to concentrate on the work her classmates present for their term topic. They've studied a wide array of creative song writing methods previously, with each student then tasked to choose one, to analyse both the potential and limits of its uses and finally to apply it practically in writing original lyrics. Gwen has a few more weeks before she has to hand in her own work. So far she has completed the theoretical part of it, but still waits for the proper moment of inspiration, her own personal catalyst to be exact, that will help her turn her emotions into another song. It will happen on its own time; this is how music works for her, it always has.

It's only when they're halfway through vocal training that Gwen seems able to settle into herself. One particular breathing exercise has her, and the rest of the class, lying on yoga mats on the ground, hands settled comfortably a few inches below her navel. Closely guided by her teacher's instructions, Gwen focuses on her own gentle inbreaths and follows them with her attention until she feels her breathing connect to exactly that inner space just underneath her resting hands. It's a grounding, almost familiar experience, so deeply connected to herself while she is simultaneously so still yet very present in her body. Moving deeper into the lesson, she begins to sound out different vowels, sensing their differing vibrations before feeling how they travel through to her center. Once the whole group has grown comfortable to hear themselves this way, their teacher leads them through different harmonies and asks them to keep focused on feeling their inner grounding and the different quality of their voices as they rearrange themselves from one simple yet beautiful composition to the next.

Gwen loses track of time and effortlessly allows the soothing effect of their melodies to move her into deep relaxation. This, too, is what she loves; the healing magic of singing that connects her to everything and everybody in the room with her. However fate may have known, this feeling is exactly what she needs today. Happy, refreshed, and filled with a different kind of confidence, she is ready to meet her mom and Kingston for lunch.

*

The three of them find the quieter corner of a popular student café on campus. Gwen is glad for their long-made plans, she gets to see Kingston again and her mom's presence is equally distracting and supportive. 

“How're you holding up, Gwenny?” Gwen grins, she'll forever be her mom's little girl, not that she's complaining.

“All's good mom. A little nervous, but the good kind, you know? It's more surreal than going to the first audition, I guess. But that's good, too, like, we've been rehearsing for so many weeks. It needs to get serious at some point. So, I've decided I don't really want think any more about what could happen after. I just want do this and stay in my happy place so I can enjoy myself tonight!”

Gwen's enthusiasm is so infectious it brings a wide smile to Patti’s face. She knows this side of her daughter, although she’s been waiting for a long time to witness Gwen growing back into her happy self. For a few weeks now she has been suspecting that it’s not only the show itself that has such a positive influence on her daughter.

Patti makes sure Gwen is eating properly, urging her to go for a more substantial meal even if she is not particularly hungry. Gwen ends up ordering the vegetable curry along with a fruit salad. Both are light but deliciously filling and nourishing. Her mom is right, despite her lack of appetite; she definitely _will_ need all of her strength.

“So, if you can be at the visitors’ entrance by 4:00 p.m., you should be fine to simply come through. There'll be someone there from the crew to escort all the families and make sure you'll be comfortable and settled in okay.”

Patti nods as Gwen goes through these details again. It's not like they haven't talked about them before, yet simply confirming the schedule one more time appears to give Gwen something to do.

“You're already comfy, aren't you, monkey?” Gwen softly checks on her son. Kingston had plopped onto her lap as soon as they had sat down and is now snuggled up against her chest. He yawns and rubs his eyes, his need for some more sleep evident.

“You can have a little nap at grandma's and before you know it, you will be allowed to come to the big studio and see everybody sing. It's gonna be so special, right?”

 King nods through another yawn before he launches into a set of curiously innocent questions.

"Will I see you before you sing?”

 “I'm afraid not...” Gwen is fairly certain that families need to be in their place with the rest of the audience before filming starts. Except for allowing time for the coaches' personal needs, the short delays between battle set-ups are likely kept to a minimum to keep the business side of filming productive.

“But I'll find you as quickly as I can after my song, okay?” She rubs Kingston's back as she turns to her mom, “If the order hasn't changed, James' and my battle should be forth during the first round. There'll be a longer break after, so you guys should be free to come out and meet me then.”

“Will you wave to me when you see me?” Kingston's sweetness melts her heart.

“Of course I will, baby!”

“Will Mr. Blake push his button again?”  
  
“I don't know. Not for me, because I'm singing on his team, maybe for someone else he wants to steal. But he'll be in his big red chair, just like you saw on TV.”

“Will you win your song, momma?”

“Oh honey, I honestly don't know,” she smooths her hands across his forehead, “Momma's just going to do her best and be happy. That's even more important than winning, remember?”

Kingston nods seriously, like he understands, but still breaks into a big grin. He suddenly stretches himself up and tightens his small arms around Gwen's neck.

“You'll be the bestest singer, momma,” he whispers loudly into her ear. “You're gonna sing real good and I'll clap super-fast for you when you win. You'll see.”

“Momma loves you so much Kingston; what would I ever do without you.” She tightens her hold around his small back one more time. Her sweet boy. She hopes he wouldn't be disappointed.

***

When they get to the studio grounds, Gwen almost forgets everything else about her morning. Patti and Kingston have dropped her off, taking Gwen's car to travel back and forth for the rest of the day. She waves goodbye to them for the second time before tightening the hold on her bags. No turning back now.

As soon as she enters the studio's common area, the familiar hustle and bustle, much like on auditions days, sweeps over her and pulls her into its own life. Gwen has a few minutes to meet and chat with her fellow teammates and some other contestants before first scheduling announcements are made. She knows her first order of business is a final rehearsal with James and the band. So far she's only seen Luke on the grounds, and, as inconspicuously as she tries, she hasn't caught sight of Blake yet. Hopefully she'll get to meet him before she's got to be on stage; she needs to talk to him.

Rehearsal with James is going good. Her suspicion was right, it was only them and Luke for some reason, and if he knows anything about Blake's whereabouts, he's not letting on. After a quick warm-up, which Gwen doesn't exactly need, but appreciates all the same, the band’s powerful intro sets the mood and their momentum is infectious. Gwen and James' single run-through hits it off straight away. Luke assures them the nervousness they experience is exactly what they need. It will dissipate once they're actually on stage. Other than that, he leaves them be, choosing to be present for reassurance rather than last minute input. He hugs both of them with a well meant clap on their backs for good luck and sends them along to their wardrobe appointments.

In an off-stage section, Gwen meets with her outfitter. Janice, a semi-eccentric and bubbly middle-aged brunette, is just one of three workers in charge of everybody's wardrobe. The sheer number of well-sorted clothing racks, and overflowing shelves of accessories alone, speaks for the volume this team is handling. It's still too early in the show for the producers to have settled on a certain style or fixed image for Gwen. This would begin later, once the number of contestants has considerably decreased. For the battle, three outfit choices, all show-approved while aiming to allow Gwen's own input and preferences, have been pre-selected for her. Her task now is to make up her mind and choose the one she'll wear on stage. Janice has given her exactly twenty minutes to decide, including a final fitting.

“Go on, honey, and trust Janice. Don't overthink this, but don't just pick what you're comfortable in right now, either. For a few minutes tonight, everybody's eyes will be on you. I've said this to a lot of singers coming through here, and it usually pays off for the ones who listen: It'll be your moment. Go for the outfit that you know will make you look exactly the way you'll want to feel once you're on that stage with all the cameras on you. Look great, feel great, and perform great! It's that simple.”  
  
Gwen hesitates as she considers each outfit. They're all not quite right, even though she generally likes what she sees. After internal deliberation that feels like it's taking too long, she drops all pretence of wanting to compromise. More than anything, she wants to have fun tonight, so she needs a look that will give her just that. Quickly she picks up individual garments from two of her laid out assembled and shoes from the last. Disappearing into the nearest cabin, she slips into her new ensemble and checks herself in the full-length mirror. A wide smile lights up on Gwen, the transformation is stunning.

She draws back the curtains and slowly spins around, looking down at herself.

“This is what I want. Think we can pull it off?”

“Oh, hoooney!” Janice almost whistles in appreciation. “That'll work for you!” She meets Gwen with a lively grin. “We'll have this be even more perfect in just a few minutes.”

*

The afternoon goes on. As soon as Janice is done with her, Gwen changes back inter her jeans and top, and meets James for refreshments backstage. She's becoming too nervous to even think of eating but gets some orange juice instead; keeping herself hydrated seems like the best choice for now. They're only halfway through the obligatory pre-filming routine and Gwen comes to realize how much of a production only this part of the show already is. Her outfit will be waiting for her by the time she's done with hair and make-up. After dressing, she is required to go straight to final interviews. In the meantime, she and James are expected for their sound-check as soon as the pair before them has finished.  
  
James does his best to lighten the mood while they're waiting and Gwen doesn't mind, appreciates it actually. His good-natured joking has been one of many reasons that made duetting with him work out better than she would have believed. He's also given up on trying to flirt with her, a development Gwen is privately grateful for. Rehearsals have been more relaxing this way. She knows they'll still be good together; they do have good chemistry, even as friends. Perhaps James had eventually realized her attention was already focused somewhere else. Like on the show, or on her son, or just on the rest of her life.

Gwen can't help that her thoughts turn to Blake again. The tall, blue-eyed country singer has certainly been part of her life these last weeks, even if very privately. She prefers it that way, but that doesn't mean she's immune to the effect he has on her when they're in public. Where _is_ he?

As if reading her mind, James, too, finds it unusual not to see Blake around. Normally she would expect him to be out and about, being supportive, mingling and talking to everybody. Even if he preferred to stay with the other coaches on filming days - God knows this must be a difficult day for him, as well - Gwen is convinced he would still come to find them and wish them good luck in person. Gwen resolves not to worry; she'll see him, when she'll see him.

The stage call comes for them, before she can get lost in her thoughts any further. They go through all their equipment with the technical assistants, refitting ear-pieces, checking microphones, relearning their standing positions. The studio is not much bigger than the one they auditioned in, but with the different set, and so much more lights installed, it feels like a completely new place. Gwen is almost certain they're going to fit more people inside, as well. Another production assistant then talks them through the proceedings again; where to enter, where to exit, what their signals will be. The young woman trusts them to be okay as Gwen and James nod their confirmations to all of her questions. They're ready to go through their song – for the umpteenth time, it feels like – and the stage’s pull is undeniable to Gwen. Its undercurrent is tingling along her spine. Her nerves may be getting ready to freak out again, but her body remembers this, craving the rush and adrenaline of that one moment where it’s all becoming real. She cannot wait until she's coming back for the real thing.

Until then, Gwen gets a break and has about an hour to herself before she’ll go to hair and make-up, the first and only one so far. She could have chosen to join the other singers in the lounge where they watch each other try to remain cool, but she prefers to step out of the well-organized chaos, and retreats to the tiny dressing room assigned to her. It's nothing more than a shoebox with a lighted mirror, a slim table, and a padded chair stuck underneath, but it offers her a much needed quiet space in which she can have a few moments alone. With the increasing tension in everybody else, and her unplanned start into the day, she now needs to sit down and regroup. For a few minutes, silence fills the small room as she closes her eyes and sinks into the chair for a still prayer of gratefulness and hope.

Just as she's done and readying herself, a tentative knock interrupts her contemplation.

“Gwen, are you in here?” It's Blake's gentle voice looking for her.

Simply hearing his kind voice sends butterflies through Gwen, she realizes how much she's truly been waiting to see him. If nothing else, the one thing she needed was to see his smile again before she was due on stage.

Gwen opens her door to let him know she is.

“Hi,” Gwen is slightly nervous when she meets his eyes, “I am.”

 “Oh, good! Am I interrupting? Would you rather be alone?”

“No-, no. Please, come in.” She is relieved to see him but self-conscious, too. His warm drawl gets to her every time.  
  
“Are you okay, Blake?” Gwen tries to get over her sudden awkwardness. “You haven't been around before.”  
  
“I know, some last-minute business kept me. It’s why I wanted to see you.” His tone is apologetic and caring at the same time.

“We haven't talked since…,” he silently alludes. “I figure you must be pretty nervous.”

It softens her heart that he just seems to know. Except, probably every artist he ever coached must have been nervous. Still, something inside Gwen insists that simply the way he talks to her is different.

“Well,” she grins slightly before she finds her resolve, “I _am_ nervous. But I also wanted you to know that do feel better. I'm sorry I unloaded on you so heavily. Definitely not something I planned,” she admits wryly.

”I guess finally facing up and telling you must have helped me process some of that stuff. So...,” Gwen finishes, “...I think I can handle it.” If anything she is at least prepared to accept her weakness without beating herself up.

Blake listens silently, a warm, almost intimate, expression washing over him as he takes in her hopeful little speech.  
  
Gwen might be ready to leave her earlier outburst behind, and of course Blake cheers for her returned spirits, but that doesn't release him from his responsibilities. He still wants - needs - to make up for his own part in how upset she had been. God, he owes her every ounce of resource he has. It's becoming harder and harder to keep that invisible line between being her coach and _not_ being her coach in place. He seriously needs to get a grip, instead of only focusing on how her eyes change depths with every emotion Gwen experiences. He could get lost in them, is getting lost in them, every single second she allows herself to look at him so open and vulnerable as she does now. 

This is where his previous preparations come in.

*

“Blake, why are we here, exactly?” Gwen half laughs. When Blake had asked to steal her away for her remaining half an hour, she'd been bewildered and curious at the same time. After she'd finally lightened her heart, she couldn't have said no to him. 

They're back in his private rehearsal space. The whole floor is abandoned with everybody busy for filming somewhere else. Blake has led her here through a back entrance, unnoticed by prying eyes. He hadn't been kidding before; Blake really did know the premise like the back of his hand.

“For an idea I had,” he offers softly and safely guides Gwen to sit next to the piano. He then shortly disappears into the darkness and locates a handful of small spotlights across the room which he turns onto their lowest setting. Per its use the studio already is sound-proof, now Blake just needs it to stay dim, so as not to draw attention to them.

“And what's that?” Gwen grows more and more puzzled as she watches him. This is very surreal. When Blake returns to her, he's standing so close she feels her body reacting on its own accord, the underlying fragrance of his cologne almost making her head spin. She is acutely aware that they haven't even hugged today. It feels strange no to, like the secret part of their interactions, that she privately cherishes, is missing. On the other hand, not being that close to him keeps her safe. She’s not sure she could touch him any longer without showing more of her feelings than appropriate.

“Gwen, how'd you feel about us singing together?” Blake's proposition is soft-spoken, he's touching her arm, re-establishing his tender affection for her that reminds Gwen of all the moments where she had already trusted him. It sends a single jolt through her skin.  
  
“I-, I don't know. What do you mean?”

“I'd like for us to sing your battle song. The same way you've been doing it all along, with me filling in for James.”  
  
“Oh-, Blake, I don't know...” The prospect is too intimidating; Gwen is uncertain and a little overwhelmed, not just because he’s a country music superstar, simply because...he’s _him_. What if she ends up disappointing him after all?

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”  
  
Blake is all shiny blue puppy dog eyes and sweet dimples, as if he'd been expecting her reaction. “I honestly want to,“ he continues earnestly,“you'd be doing _me_ a favor. I never get to sing with my contestants until the finale, and that's still months away. I really just wanna to sing with _you_ , Gwen.”

Gwen really has no chance; there's no way he couldn't persuade her talking like this. It also hits her, like she sees Blake properly for the first time tonight. Unlike her, he is already dressed up to the nines and ready to be on camera. A light blue shirt that matches his eyes accentuates contrasting dark blue jeans. They’re formfitting, and neatly pressed, giving him a slim and dressy appearance in line with the well-cut light grey vest that hugs his chest. Like Gwen has come to expect his shirtsleeves are rolled up neatly along his arms. He is as handsome as he could be, while Gwen is part of a competition that could end for her in mere hours. This could be the last time for them to be in a room together, working on a song. As hesitant as she may be, it’s an opportunity to drink in his sight just a little longer.  
  
Blake is patiently waiting for her to make up her mind, looking too much like he believes in her, no matter what.  She couldn't say no to him, or to herself, for exactly these reasons.

“What do you think? We can stop the second you're too uncomfortable. It'll be just us. You, me, and my guitar.”

“Let's try,” Gwen agrees softly.

*

Blake begins to pick his instrument's strings in slow melodious tones, finding the right chords he'd been learning only hours before.

“Close your eyes, if you like,” he guides her, “when you're ready, allow the music to pull you in. You can do this.”

Gwen follows his gentle words and almost immediately she feels her breath and her senses rebuilding the calming and steady connection to her inner center, just the way she had that morning in class. She’s feeling at hime within herself.

They start off slowly. Blake leads during the first notes of the song, holding the melody for the few initial bars before their voices meet for the very first time. Thus begins the beautiful uncovering of how well they fit together. The rich warmth of Blake's tone invites Gwen to relax as she progressively allows her alto's whole range to fully embrace with Blake's.  
  
They make this first round a soft and slow version, like a first dance that it somehow is, finding their tempo without effort, able to listen out for one another almost instinctually. The song's verses are over before they know it.

They keep still for a moment, neither wanting to speak.

Gwen finally stands up to give herself more space. “Again?” she asks softly, decidedly.  She's more comfortable now.  
  
Blake picks up the pace and finds a more lively rhythm when he begins once more. There's a steadiness and easy-going presence to the way sings that makes it incredibly easy for Gwen to unfold her voice alongside his. They're not even trying to compete; the whole idea has become a mere background that allows their voices to melt together, blending them more and more into a secret intimacy of their own. Gwen's heart beats faster as she looks up to Blake in shocked and stunned exhilaration; this is becoming unlike anytime she has sung with someone else.  

For the last round they decide on an A-Capella version. Their eyes lock and won't let go of each other. It's so easy now to play with their voices and dance backwards and forwards through each verse and chorus. Blake shines with joy and excitement as he watches Gwen and it's the most amazing sensation to see her become free. His wide smile coaxes her to keep going, and during the last part that's only hers, he silently mouths her words along to her singing while she cannot take her gaze of him. Blake's unabashed pride finally unlocks something in Gwen she has been missing for too long. She wants to sing to him, wants all of her voice and the lyrics to be for him only. There is no way she could hold back anymore; instead she is beautifully connected to herself, floating on a cloud and fully able to delve deeply into that power Blake knew all along she was capable of.

The second they complete the last chorus, Gwen's arms fall around Blake's neck out of pure wonder and relief. He holds her against his chest like a rare treasure, drinking in her emotions. At last Blake presses a praising kiss against Gwen's temple as she smiles into the softness of his neck.

*

End of Part 1

 


	9. The Battle, Part 2

***

Fired up and ready to spring into action, Gwen stands in place as Carson Daly’s voice fills the studio with well-placed suspense.

“Which young artist from Team Blake will win this Battle?”

The camera zooms in on him, only to swing aside as soon as he announces the new pair of contestants.

“Will it be the soulful entertainer James Crusoe?”

James enters the stage amidst flashing lights and huge cheers from the ranks, his family assembled and applauding as he walks by.

“Or the emotional powerhouse, Anaheim native, Gwen Stefani?”

Gwen floats along the entryway towards the stage, a wide smile sparkling across her face as all lights and the cameras are on her. She waves to Kingston and her family who shout out their well wishes, before she stands next to Carson.

The view changes to the coaches, all four full present, appearing in style and manner that reflect their individual moods and personality to anyone watching. They’re eagerly applauding the singers, clearly excited for this particular battle.

Gwen shakes hands with James before she finds her mark.

They pause for a few seconds and Carson’s final words are the last Gwen hears before her mind goes blank and everything that follows is happening only through how she feels in these moments.

“Let the battle begin!”

*

The stage lights turn off, it's almost dark with only ambient illumination remaining in the background. Gwen can make out the cameras' tiny red dots pointed in her direction, feeling James' excited but also nervous presence beside her.

The studio’s pent-up energy is palpable, the whole audience, it seems, is waiting for what’s to come, clearly anticipating to be swept off their feet.

Finally all stage lights flash back on and the band starts off the song with an energetic, clear and fast beat that is promptly followed by the smooth, easy tones of James’ voice.

For a micro-second, Gwen is able to find Blake and locks her gaze with his. She knows, she simply knows, that he's been waiting for her to turn to him when he sends a single, barely noticeable nod in her direction, keeping his eyes directly on hers with a smile that finds its place straight into her heart. His unwavering belief in her is the one cue she needs to pick up the magic of their own momentum and unleash the full fury of her emotions into the beginning of the song. The audience goes wild during her first single lines.

*

The moment when Gwen had first come into his view has Blake feeling completely and utterly mesmerized. She shines from the inside out, taking the short walkway in confident stride while radiating an energy he hasn't had the privilege to see in her before.

Seasons of performance after performance have given Blake enough experience to school his facial expression into any form appropriate for the moment, an ability he's now trying to make full use of, hoping to display professional support, rather than allowing the whole world to see the true amount of deeply personal admiration he has for her.

He couldn't take his eyes off Gwen before the song had even started. But when the lights did come back on, the studio filling up with music to its last crevice, and she manages to find him with her eyes _,_ there wasn't a way he could have stopped himself from showing her how much he's rooting for her, however small his gesture.

An instant later Gwen, too, begins to sing, and they are being treated to a battle no coach could have planned for.

*

Gwen artistically weaves through the dynamics with James, perfectly nailing their made-up give and take exactly the way they're been rehearsing it; she's holding steady through their beautiful harmonies only to soar high and above into her own power when it becomes her turn to make part of the the song her own.

At this moment, Gwen is everything Blake had believed she could be, and more, the sheer joy she is experiencing visible through every pore of her being.

Befitting the song choice and, more importantly, her mood, Gwen had chosen an outfit destined to help her feel elegant and sensual. Black stiletto ankle boots give her a few extra inches, showcasing equally black low rising skinny jeans that run up tight along her shapely legs, hugging the gentle swell of her hips in a way that Blake suddenly wishes no single male other than him could see. The black denim plays stark contrast to the hand’s width of ivory skin it seducingly exposes before a shimmering satiny top flows across every soft curve of Gwen’s upper body, accentuating her lithe figure with every gentle sway. Long, delicate curls fall upon her shoulders, their femininity in flow with her natural make-up.

Gwen is a vision, owning every inch on stage, and this battle has become her private celebration, for she has truly realized that she is no longer held back by her past; that she is finally free, stronger than before and somehow able to make this night a secret date between herself and the place she used to love so much.

She's in a league of her own, her presence alone commanding the stage, the audience, and every last bit of Blake's attention as she and James move through the song.

*

In contrast to Gwen's audition, Blake is now the first coach to stand up and clap his approval hardest and loudest before the final harmonies have even subsided. He is quickly followed by his fellow coaches, each of them clearly as moved and impressed as Blake. He'll have to organize his thoughts now, but it's the hardest task to take his eyes off Gwen and resume his role of coach for everyone to see.  
  
Gwen and James hug in ecstatic relief with the cheering audience in the background while Carson tries to reign in the crowd, but it takes noticeably longer for him to succeed than with any of the previous acts. Finally the audience is calming down and both singers find they place next to him for the coaches' feedback.

Gwen is buzzing and deliriously happy, still breathing excitedly as she's getting ready to take in their opinions.

Carson resumes his hosting role.

“Gwen and James for Team Blake! Congratulations guys, that was so much fun to watch! Adam, we'll start with you.”

Adam hardly needs encouragement to go into his little speech.

“James, you're such a classy guy and you're obviously so at home on stage, I feel you could be my brother. Man, I just love the sound of your voice and the way you perform.”

He barely pauses before he turns to Gwen.

“Gwen, I was waiting for your performance ever since your auditioned. I still think you should have been on my team, like, I turned first for you if you all remember. Everything about you blew me away just now! Not only is your voice out of this world, but your whole presence is spectacular. I think there is a lot more we should see from you. I'm just gonna say, you deserve to be on this show!”

The audience agrees as Carson goes on, “Thank you Adam. Alicia, your thoughts?”

The female coach is equally gushing in her chair.

“God, that was so beautiful. Gwen and James, both of you were so true and genuine and you were able to blend your voices together really well. Gwen, I really felt your commitment to every single word and tone showed us your heart and soul tonight. And James, you have this incredible control and effortless ability to stay equal, in your own way, with a calibre like Gwen beside you. That was amazing. I think you're both wonderful for totally different reasons. I really enjoyed your performance tonight.”

“Thank you, coach Alicia, “ Carson declares and turns to the next coaches' chair. “Mr. Pharell Williams, please,” he prompts.

Pharell beams and can barely contain his energetic body language.

“Man, I don't wanna be Blake right now. Gwen, the way you sounded was unbelievable. I wish I could have been up there with you, that was quite as show you put on. And James, you're probably the envy of every guy tonight. Not only did you have an outstanding partner in Gwen, who, yes, probably would upstage each and everyone of us. But in spite of that you were so vocally secure and confident in everything you did and I feel that's a quality for the rest of the show that shouldn't be be overlooked.”

Again, the crowd cheers on, nervous excitement slowly filling the studio as this Battle is nearly ready to end with a decision.

“Coach Blake, it's your turn.”

For Blake, as becomes painfully visible, this part is not easy. He's hunched forward in his chair, fingers clasped into a fist, his arms resting on the surface before him. He looks and sounds so much more serious than his usual easy-going show persona.

“Alright. I'm going to be honest here. This is one of the hardest battles for me,” he begins.

“First of all, both of you looked like you were having so much fun! The sheer quality of your performance, I think, raises the bar for this and any other season to come. You guys were outstanding, absolutely outstanding.”

He is being interrupted by audience who, once more, agrees in wild cheers.

“I pretty much just lost track of everything else happening here, and I would just love to keep watching the both of you for the rest of the night.

“Gwen, you know I'm a huge fan of yours, I could tell from the very beginning how talented you are, I actually still can't believe what you're capable of.”

Blake couldn't be more sincere and open-hearted in his comment for her, hoping Gwen also understands all the things he can't say from this position.

“There is no doubt in anyone's mind here that you delivered every possible ounce of that talent and then some. Tonight, that stage and this audience here belonged to just you.”  
  
Gwen in response can hardly process Blake's compliments, she's inwardly trembling with the intensity of his words, trying hard not let her emotions take over.

“James, you too have proven you're already more than prepared for this industry. You just really know what you're doing, everything from you is so polished. With your tone and versatility you could fill concert halls simply because you so honestly love what you do and it's incredibly natural and timeless.”

Now that they've both heard from him, he's going to have choose, it makes him feel sick.

Carson is unusually tough in demanding his decision, perhaps sensing Blake's struggle; it makes for good TV.

“Blake, who is the winner of this battle?”

Blake suddenly hates this part, truly hates it and barely knows where his new animosity stems from. He needs to pick one of his contestants. _Right now!_ The right choice should be so obvious to him, standing mere feet in front of him in the form of a blonde angel send to save his life. But he needs to choose for the right reasons...

He no longer looks up at the stage. Blake doesn't know what he's going to say until he finally hears his own rough voice.

“The winner of this Battle... is James!"  
  
*

Gwen closes her eyes as Carson repeats the announcement. She's lost all feeling in her stomach, _but she's gonna be fine, she's gonna be fine. She just needs to breathe._

When she opens her eyes, she finds her family, who are grief-stricken. Still, it was going to be okay. Her whole body just feels glued to the ground, she couldn't move if she wanted to. Instead she now watches Blake's form crumble back into the seat as he nods to James who walks off-stage along to cheers and cameras ready to welcome him.

She still has to stand here and follow through to the end, listening to Carson

“Alright, I just want let you know that Gwen is available to steal. Gwen, is there anything you'd like to say to Blake?”

Gwen thinks she barely knows how to form a sentence. When she finds Blake and he actually manages to look back at her, strained and withdrawn, she can't stop the tears from slowly filling her eyes.  
  
“ I-, uhm...,” she collects all of her bearings to at least express her gratitude.  
  
The almost immediate buzzing of Adam's steal literally saves her. It is quickly followed by a second one, Alicia also pushed for her before she had a chance to realize.

She blocks out everything else that's being said, avoiding Blake's look with everything she has, she couldn't fall apart on national TV.

Without clear thinking she picks Adam, who instantly jumps up with glee and runs on stage to give her a comforting hug. “I'm so glad, Gwen. Trust me, this is gonna be alright. You're amazing.”

 

 


	10. Aftermath, Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for that Battle-ending. Believe me that I was equally heart-broken that this is how it had to be. Please trust in Gwen & Blake <3.
> 
> This small part I can share to make up for the shock of it all before writing time becomes sparse during the week.
> 
> Thank you for reading and commenting.

***

Backstage, Gwen is surrounded by her family, with Kingston clinging around her neck.

“Oh Gwenny, I'm so sorry, honey.” She is hugged by her mother. “I thought you were fantastic. So, so great.”

“Thanks mom. I'm gonna be fine, I promise...”

“Why don't you come home with us straight away? Let's get you away from here for a while.”

“I think I'm actually gonna stay for the rest of the show. I kinda need to. I-, um, I don't want to run away... This is still my day, there are too many good things still happening.”

Patti studies her daughter with love and concern, ultimately deciding to trust Gwen's instincts.

“Alright, love, if that's what you need, We'll leave your car for you, and we could keep Kingston for the night if it helps?”

Gwen hugs her little boy to herself. She's not quite ready to let him go. If anything, King and her family have always helped her to ground herself and focus on what's really important. With her son snuggled warmly into her chest they find a less busy corner in the studio's cafeteria-style section where Gwen can replenish herself. She's feeling better with hot coffee and a sandwich in her system, giving herself brownie point for trying to eat.

“Mr. Adam pushed his button for you.” Kingston eventually murmurs into Gwen's neck.

Having to console her disappointed little boy makes it easier for Gwen to accept what had just happened to her.

“Yeah, he did baby.”

“So you still get to sing on TV?”

“That's right,” she explains softly and rubs his back. “It's not all over yet. I've got you, and Grandma and Grandpa, and a second chance to sing on TV, so I'm still the luckiest girl, alright, love?”

“Okay,” Kingston sighs into her before he whispers into her ear. “You're still the bestest singer, momma. I love you sooo much.”

“Oh, baby”, she squeezes him tightly and drops a sweet kiss onto his forehead. "Momma loves you, too."

Almost as an afterthought, Kingston has one more thing on his mind.

“Will we see Mr. Blake again, momma? Is he still our friend?”

This one hits too close to home for Gwen, she has to choke back tears. Her response is shaky and low, more to herself than Kingston.

“I don't know honey, but momma would be very sad not to see him again.”

*

Eventually Gwen regains some of her spirits and is ready to let her family go.

“Baby, you're gonna have a sleepover at Grandma's tonight, okay? I'll be there bright and early in the morning for breakfast and we'll have pancakes and go to the playground after. How's that sound.”

Kingston squeals at the prospect and presses several kisses to Gwen's cheek. “Bye momma, see you in the morning.”

She waves goodbye to them, eternally grateful that her son feels secure enough to spend the night with her family even on short notice. He trusts her to keep her word. She has never let him down before.

Without conscious decision, Gwen then lets herself be drawn back into the studio's busy atmosphere. Naturally Gwen's not the only person to have been voted off, so people in general are kind and tactful about it. It's easy to become part of the crowd, hanging out in the lounge, getting another drink, finding a free couch and following the big screens with different camera perspectives. She's just one of many people watching the taping, the second round is well on its way. Some of Adam's singers are really nice, quickly welcoming her to the team, in spite of the increasing competition. Occasionally Gwen gets a compliment for how well she did, but for the most part, she can sink into the back of the couch and get lost in her own thoughts, trying to process the blur of the last few hours.

Taking away everything else and going by logic alone there had always been the possibility that she might not progress on Blake's team. As far as the show goes she had very little control over what would happen, except for her own hard work and the quality of her performance. Having a second chance with Adam is the best possible outcome, more so as the singer was evidently ecstatic to have her on his team. The more she now follows Adam on screen, the more she begins to learn how observant and on-point his feedback is. As a coach he seemed highly invested with his contestants and supremely qualified with his experience and vocal knowledge. Musically, Gwen could find acceptance, even gratitude for her situation.

In terms of Blake, shock and confusion occupy her heart. This... being with him today...after everything he did for her...every moment he spent making sure she would be in top form...it just doesn't feel right. On screen Blake tries to hide it, but to Gwen, he looks miserable. Slouched in his chair, all earlier sparkle seems gone from his eyes. A vague feeling of unease suddenly spreads through her. She's seen him like this before, there's got to be something she's missing about him, it couldn't be good news.  
  
As the taping goes on and Gwen becomes even more introspective, confusion makes way for sadness. Kingston's question wouldn't leave her alone.

All Gwen can think about is how much she already misses Blake, not knowing if there's even a chance he'd want to talk to her. She can't watch the rest of the show anymore. It's almost over anyway, there shouldn't be more than one or two more battles to go, she somehow lost track. Either way, Gwen is ready to take off, needing to be somewhere else while she still can.

*

When the cameras finally leave him alone, Blake almost frantically walks offstage and begins to check any place he can think of and look for a sign of Gwen, praying to a God he barely knows that somehow she would still be around. He couldn't let her leave without talking to her...couldn't let her go without even trying to explain. The security people say she hasn't signed out yet...so he's got a chance.

He finally finds her in his studio, the only place he thought of last.

It's almost as dark as it could be, only one spotlight in a corner slightly shimmering. He can only make out her shadow She has curled herself into one of the armchairs facing the piano.

“ _Gwen..._ ” his voice is a broken caress. He thinks she must have heard him, but she doesn't react.

“ _Gwen..._ , _will you come here, please?_ ” Blake's voice is hoarse, his eyes begging in pain as he opens his arms in her direction, knowing full well he's got no right to hope for anything. He still needs to try.

Needing no more prompting, Gwen flies out of her seat and into his embrace, holding on tightly around his neck as much as her arms allow, pressing her body against his, as if he is the one thing she needs right now. He tightens his embrace and hugs Gwen to his chest as closely as he can. His head drops down onto her shoulder and he pleads for her forgiveness.  
  
“ _I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Gwen. I'm so sorry I hurt you._ ”

 ***


	11. Aftermath, Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all previous comments about this. They're much appreciated.

***

Gwen has come to his studio for a last chance to say goodbye, grateful for the serene place that has given her more joy and comfort than she could have hoped for. The peaceful darkness makes it easy to curl into his favourite chair, to close her eyes and dream herself back to those memories with Blake, the best one happening only hours ago. He'd been so proud of her, so full of delight and encouragement that she had trusted him with her voice. He'd never have thought of voting her off with that look on his face. Whatever his reasoning in between, Gwen knew Blake had believed in her, he truly did, and she needed to brand this certainty into her heart before she could go and keep her head high for whatever came next.

When Blake suddenly stands before her and says her name _like that_ , Gwen wants to keep her eyes shut and pretend, just for a few more moments, that none of it had happened; that it's just another rehearsal; that he just wants her to sing with him again; that they could go back to being _them_ in that magically tentative bond of somehow-being-more-than-friends, because, honestly, that's what being with him feels like for Gwen.

She knew how quickly happiness could become lost, how it slipped through her fingers when she had least expected it. She had learned to live in the moment the hard way, through necessity rather than choice, and to hold on to the things the loved while they were in her life.

Despite her worst expectations, Blake hadn’t left without looking for her first, instead sounding as heartbroken as she feels when he finds her. She doesn't know how it happened so quickly, but she's in his embrace before she could think about it. His desperate hug offers warmth and safety and hope all bundled together in his strong arms. Some part of her could never deny him, or herself, the emotional relief that comes from being so close to him.

Blake's distressed pleading is a catalyst of its own that takes Gwen right back into that awful moment. At first she tries to hold in her own tears, choking them back as her throat burns, but they spill out slowly, releasing the private anguish she had felt on stage. She will always be emotional, more so when she wishes for the opposite.

“I thought you might not even want to see me,” Gwen half-whispers her sole fear into the slight dampness of Blake's shirt.

Blake cradles her head against his shoulder in a hold so gentle, it already reassures her in the way she responds to the most.

“Never. I'm _not_ gonna leave.” Blake's promise is rough and tender with emotion. “I'm with you all the way, if you let me. Nothing's gonna change that.“

Gwen tightens her arms in response and takes a deep breath to steady herself.

“I-..., I didn't do anything wrong?” Her mind knows she didn't, but that piece of her heart that hasn't recovered from her ex's betrayal isn't quite as believing.

“No, God-, no! _Nothing!_ _You_ were... _perfect_.” She deserves the truth _._

“Gwen..., I-..., I never want to be anything but honest with you,” his rough voice struggles for clarity, “I just...can't explain..., not tonight, not like this. You've got every right to be furious. But I need you to believe me that none of this is your fault.”

“I want to believe you, I'm trying.” Gwen answers softly. “I'm not gonna be mad at you...I saw how miserable you've been since ...the end.”

Blake doesn't need to confirm her observation, he still looks and sounds it, every gesture an attempt to make up for his choice.

“You have no idea how glad I am you're still here. I am so sorry,” he repeats his whispered apology. Tonight's outcome is one more sorrow he will now carry with him. If Gwen wasn't already at the centre of his attention...well, she is either way and he has another reason to be concerned for her.

“You're shivering.” He clearly sounds worried.

Blake is right, she is, because it's been a long day, she's exhausted, and still only wearing her stage outfit.

“It's okay. I'm just tired.”

“It's not okay when you're cold,” Blake interjects softly, “hang on.” He gently untangles himself from Gwen's embrace and proceeds to take off his jacket. Gwen hugs herself, already missing his body heat, before Blake then carefully wraps it around her shoulders.

“How's that?” He slowly runs his hands up and down her arms. The garment is huge on her but warm and surprisingly soft on the inside. Gwen can't resist snuggling into the fabric, enveloping herself in the faint scent it carries.

Her whispered, “better,” is all Blake needs to resume the motion until Gwen leans against him once more.

They pause like this, neither of them feeling the time that passes.

“Why don't you let me take you home,” Blake suggests eventually when her can sense Gwen sighing against him.

“Not yet, please...,” she murmurs softly.

*

“What's gonna happen now?” Gwen sounds calmer than before, undeniable sleepiness lacing through her voice.

Situated in one of the bigger couches, she is now leaning against Blake, her legs drawn up beside her, his jacket still warming her. He makes for a good pillow, his arms steady around her back. Somehow, it has become okay for him to hold her like this, for them to be this close, each acting on their unspoken need to know that they're not going to let things change between them.

“You're gonna do really well on Adam's team. I'm gonna help as much as I can, if you want me to.” Blake equally has regained some hope. It's the most precious feeling to have Gwen this close to him. Learning that she seems to need this kind of contact as much as him, it undoes parts in him only she seems to reach these day. He doesn't know how he earned her acceptance, her trust, but he will do everything in his power to keep it.

“I do. I don't want to be on this show without you...”

It's nearly too secret an admission for Gwen to share but the almost darkness and Blake's proximity make it easier, she doesn't need to have her guards up. She has no idea what her sweet honesty does to Blake.

“Did you mean it?” she goes on wondering, “what you said in your feedback?”

“Every single word.” Blake insists warmly. “When you were up there, I lost myself in your voice, Gwen. Everybody did. I think you have no idea how astonishing and breathtaking you are.” He pauses and rests his hand on her wrist, careful with his choice of words but intentional with his praise. “You could go all the way, Gwen,...”

“Why won't you be my coach then?” she finally whispers into the darkness, barely audible. “Help me understand, Blake. Please?”

“It's just us.” She repeats his earlier words ever so softly. She had trusted him.

“ _Gwen..._ ” Blake's voice breaks during her name. Truly, this isn't the right moment, or the way he should tell her. But she deserves to know. God, she deserves to know, even if he ruins it all. He closes his eyes and concentrates on the softness of her skin beneath his hand.

“Gwen...to me your voice is so raw and unique, so unbelievably beautiful, I would recognize it anywhere, in between thousands of other voices. When you perform the way you do, the way you were born to, it's so intense I forget everything else around me, except for the fact that you're so radiant my heart stops, and I can't breathe anymore, and suddenly you're the only person I care about.”

When Gwen keeps still, Blake continues on slowly, softly.

“With you on my team, I'm not... _supposed_... _not allowed_...to feel that way. We almost missed how singing with James was not helping you... I can't let anything like that happen again, Gwen. I can't hold you back, just 'cause I'm distracted. You need, and you deserve...a better coach than me. Adam is your best option.”

Blake pauses in deflated spirits. There's so much more he could say..., about how he made sure beforehand that Gwen would be safe with Adam; that she deserved a coach that wasn't so confused by his own personal mess; that he would do nothing, absolutely nothing, to compromise her chances of going further on the show.  
In the past he'd been very confident about his abilities to help contestants, but with his divorce he's come to adopt a new-found sense of humility and self-reflection. Adam would be the far better coach for Gwen and he'll simply have to find a way to deal with it.

*

There's too much Blake has been saying that only half registers with Gwen. She barely knows how to react, what information to process first. But it's the way he's tried to explain himself that instinctively reaches out to her, his soft-spoken, careful manner that couldn't hide the vulnerable tremble in his voice. Every pore of her feels for him because he's got it all wrong and Gwen has no idea how to tell him.

It’s every part of her body that seems to decide for her as she leans in and closes the small distance between them in response.

With infinite gentleness Gwen brushes her lips against Blake’s in a single featherlight caress. The minimal contact is enough to send jolts through her entire body. Her soul whimpers with unknown longing for more of the delicate sensation and sighs in secret joy when Blake doesn't pull away but meets her in return with the slowest graze across her lips. A silent gasp escapes Gwen before she can reach up her hand to his face and slightly deepen her next soft kiss. An ethereal golden warmth begins to slowly spread through her while everything else falls away.

***

 


	12. Aftermath, Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many of you have been asking and patiently hoping for an update. For every single kind word, thank you *so* much, each of you!
> 
> I'm aware this is not a lot, and things are moving slowly for G+B. I don't work well when stressed, yet at the moment, real life is what it is. 
> 
> I love where we are in the story, it has developed beautifully and deserves all my love and time to unfold, otherwise writing would not be enjoyable.
> 
> So you may choose to read now or you may want to wait until there is a more substantial update. Thanks for understanding.  
> \- Kate

  


*

Blake is completely shocked when, out of nowhere, Gwen's response to his exposed reasoning is a timid butterfly brush of her lips against his. He doesn't know how to react, but his body does when he allows his instincts to take over and mimic her touch. His lips skim over hers in a barely there exploration before Gwen's palm rests on his stubbly cheek and Blake begins to realize that she truly is kissing him.

Though chaste, her lips feel like liquid silk, molding themselves against his so naturally that Blake is convinced he must be dreaming. He leans more securely into her hand and meets Gwen's sensitive caresses with tentative softness of his own. Gwen couldn't possibly know what's she doing to him, but her tender attention offers him acceptance and reassurance that somehow soothes the ragged pieces of guilt in his chest until he all but forgets who and where he is.

*

Eventually they come to a halt and Gwen rests her forehead against Blake's. She can feel him breathing as deeply as she is. She doesn't know how much times has passed since she got here, but it must be well into the night, with the moon's reflection prominently glinting through the nearest window.

“I think you're just too good to be real,...no one else would have done that for me.” Gwen pauses as she decides that Blake deserved all of her honesty, “ _...and you_ _distract me_ , _too._ ”

It's a bashful, whispered statement and the most she's ready to admit. But it's enough for now. More than enough for Blake to smile into the dark with an unreal sense of relief before he presses another soft kiss against Gwen's hairline. For the first time, he then deliberately slides his large hand down Gwen's arm to find the delicate back of her palm and encloses her hand within the soft embrace of his fingers. Acutely aware of his every move, Gwen inhales audibly but doesn't pull away. She remains perfectly still, not wanting Blake to change what he's doing, simply responding to this new sensation by lightly tracing her thumb over the minimal expanse of his skin she can reach.

When Gwen nestles herself more closely back against Blake's chest, still holding on to his hand, Blake closes his eyes again and tightens his free arm around her back. Gwen is growing more tired by the minute, barely able to keep herself from nodding off. God, she's so beautiful to Blake like this.

They've cocooned themselves inside a web of innocently-spun intimacy, beautifully unknown and invisible to the outside world, protected solely by the cover of nighttime, for as long as they'll allow it to be.

“You're falling asleep, sweetheart.” The warmly murmured endearment rolls of Blake's tongue without conscious thought. It feels right to put his affection into a name for her, like another piece of his heart softening again.

“Hmmm. _I don't wanna leave_.” Gwen's voice is low and oh so sleepy. Right now she wants nothing more than to spend the rest of the night where they are, without having to wake up and needing to go back to being in the real world, where there's thinking and being a grown up waiting.

“S'alright. Let's just get you more comfortable, okay?”

“M'kay,...don't let go, please.”

“I'm not,” Blake promises roughly. It's the last thing he'd do by his own choosing.

*

It takes little adjustment for Blake to move around the pillows behind them to suit their needs. He's spent his fair share of lonely, drunken nights in the studio, feeling more at home here than in a barren rental place.

With Gwen in his arms, the choice to stay couldn't be more different. It’s innocent and everything at the same time. She shimmies off her heels and slowly begins to tuck herself into the plush space between Blake and the high back of the couch. Blake stretches out on his back, keeping one arm open to her as Gwen turns towards him and settles down onto her side. Her head rests closely to his heart, she bends her legs slightly and allows them to graze Blake's, while her upper arm is comfortably stretched out across his stomach.

He smells like everything that's good and familiar; it's so easy for Gwen to let her body grow heavy against his and close her eyes. She can feel Blake rearranging his jacket over her, between him and the couch's soft cushioning she'll be more than warm enough.

“Won't you be cold?” Half-asleep, Gwen is still concerned for him.

“I'll be fine, sweetheart.”

Blake cradles the back of her head into his palm and keeps murmuring to her. “Just go to sleep when you're ready.”

“Hmm...” Gwen sighs and inhales deeply. It doesn't take much more for her to finally drift away.

*

Blake keeps himself awake for as long as he can, watching over Gwen and committing every second of how she feels to his memory. He bathes in sheer disbelief at how much of a gift she is, earned, if possible, through fate alone and his desperate need to give her the truth she so deserved in a moment where everything could haven fallen apart. There are too many thoughts buzzing in his head and he wills them away, just as much as the morning that is certain to come. Instead he focuses all of his senses on Gwen and allows every detail about her to lull him into sleep.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being patient with this story. I am grateful for everyone who enjoys reading and for every single supportive comment. I hope to update next by the end of the weekend.

*

Gwen awakes at dawn as first rays of light are only beginning to emerge. She's instantly aware of where she is, finding herself in a position that sends blushing heat into her face as she realizes how firmly she’s encompassed in Blake’s arms. What had begun innocently at night appears almost brazen now. Granted, she is fully clothed, but stretched out against the full length of Blake's body, there's barely an inch of Gwen not in contact with him. They must have shifted in their sleep somehow, with Gwen now nestled into his chest, finely attuned to his deep, regular breathing. It's an instant reminder of why she's feeling peaceful, despite the unrealness of it all. Everything about Blake emanates warm steadiness that grounds all of her senses yet makes her come alive in an entirely new way.  
  
It takes every bit of previous experience from sharing her bed with her son for Gwen to gently untangle herself from Blake without him waking up. His jacket had slipped to the side in the process. As she picks up the garment and carefully drapes it across his upper body, he stirs and Gwen stills in slow motion. Only when his even breathing continues does Gwen allow herself a few more moments to silently study the handsome man in front of her. She hasn't seen him this unguarded before. Blake appears content when asleep, softer in his expression and certainly less pained than after her battle. This private, carefree look is one more sight of him she wants to commit to her memory.

Perhaps she _should_ wake him instead of leaving in a way that almost feels like sneaking off, but part of her wants him to get as much rest as possible and part of her, honestly, is simply shying away from that moment where she might have to stop believing that God had put something, _someone_ , so special in her life when she had least expected it. Gwen wants to cherish this belief for as long as she can. She wants to keep it sacred in her heart and shield it from the world, allowing only the silent glow of her skin to give insight that she's carrying a preciously new sensation within.

As hard as it is to will herself away from Blake, she has made a promise to Kingston and she is never not going to keep her word. Gwen imagines how, if she could without waking him, she would lightly run her fingers through the wild curls falling over Blake's forehead, how she would bring the lightest touch of her lips to his in quiet farewell. In the end, she doesn't. She only whispers to him and allows her eyes in one last lingering gaze to say their goodbye.

*

Gwen remains so inwardly caught in her feelings about the previous hours that her ride home in the early morning hours passes almost without her noticing. It's a good thing she knows the route in her sleep. At home, she makes quick work of putting on a cup of coffee before opting for a semi-warm shower. Changing into faded blue jeans and an old band t-shirt with only comfort as her goal, she easily transforms from her previously glamoured-up self to more of a lazy-day look.

Transferring her coffee to a travel mug, she then takes a few minutes to pause outside on her front steps, slowly sipping her hot beverage while enjoying the cool morning breeze. Generally, she has few quiet moments like these to herself. With the early sun gently warming her face Gwen closes her eyes and sends a prayer of gratitude and acceptance for whatever may be into the world. It centers her and helps her resolve to focus on what's real for now, despite what she's holding on to. Her son and her family are what this day is about, they are where she is needed now.

On her way to her parent's house, Gwen picks up eggs, bacon, milk, and fruit before she uses her keys to quietly let herself into their home. By the time Kingston comes bouncing down to the kitchen, Gwen is well into cooking breakfast for them all.

“Momma! You're already here!” Gwen has just enough time to set down her cooking utensils as Kingston runs towards her in full sprint, ready to fly into her arms as she crouches down to him.

“Good morning, my love.” She cradles him tightly as Kingston slings his arms around her neck. The small boy pecks her cheek with tiny kisses and giggles into her neck.

“Did you miss me, Momma?“

“Every second of every minute of every hour.” Kingston's face lights into a full smile. It's what she always tells him and he loves it.

“Did you miss me back?”

“ 'm sorry. I didn't have time.” Gwen laughs at his innocent statement. She is beyond glad at the same time.

“Not even at bedtime?”

“Nope. When I got sleepy Grandma was reading my dinosaur book. Two times. An' I helped a little. And then we prayed for you. And then I snuggled into my sheets with bear. And then Grandma cuddled me. And then I woke up. And now you're here!”

“That's right, now I'm here.” She hugs him tightly for another moment. Gwen is grateful for his enthusiastic re-telling, it eases the guilt that always creeps up on her the rare occasions she spends the night away from her son.

“You ready to help me make some pancakes?”

“Uhu.” With a big smile King nods his head up and down in fast succession.

“Alright monkey, come and sit here.“ Gwen lifts her boy up onto the counter where she had just finished mixing the batter. The pan she had already set out is ready in no time.

“Now, hold the bowl with one hand, and with the other we're gonna ladle out the batter into mickey-mouse shapes.” She easily guides Kingston's small hand over the pan and helps him make one bigger and two smaller rounded shapes that melt together with heat sizzling beneath them.

“See how there getting all nicely brown and solid. Now you hold onto the bowl for me, King, while I flip them over.” Obviously Gwen is practiced in instructing her son curious hands to stay safely away from the stove. She lets this particular pancake cook for another minute and a half before deeming it ready and sliding it onto a plate for him.

“Be careful honey, it's still hot.”

“Yup, still hot.” Kingston agrees. “Let's do his face, please,” he begs sweetly.

“We need to wash our fruit first. Scoot over to the sink for me?” Gwen motions away from the stove to where she's laid out her purchases. “You've got blueberries, or banana, or strawberries to choose from.

“Hm... I can't decide... All of them, momma?” Kingston looks at her with big eyes and a small-boy smile.

Gwen chuckles. “That's what I thought you'd say.”

They make quick work of washing the berries and Kingston sorts them into their own bowls while Gwen peels the banana.

“Blueberries for the mouth, and strawberries for the eyes, and a banana slice for the nose. Oh, and for his ears, too.” Kingston is eager to detail his plan. “And lots of syrup for hair.”

“Not too much though.” Gwen interjects tenderly.

“Not too much.“ Kingston concedes. “Let's make ones for Grandma and Grandpa, too. And one for you, Momma.”

The happy morning exchange with her son settles Gwen's earlier nerves. She is swift in preparing more pancakes and sets an additional pan with eggs and bacon onto the stove while she lovingly directs Kingston to help where he can. Together they set the table and Gwen gets more coffee, fresh orange juice and more milk ready. When her parents come down to investigate the delicious scents filling their house some twenty minutes later, Gwen and Kingston are proud to present them with a fully prepared breakfast table only waiting for their indulgence.

Gwen hugs her mom and dad good morning and together they allow the day to begin in typical Stefani fashion. The feeling of her family's love has always been one of the most important part of Gwen's life. As she sits back for a moment and simply observes their joyful interactions, she can feel the secret hiding in her heart softly glowing and vibrating in response. Perhaps, a small voice in the back of her mind whispers, it might not be at all difficult to include just one more person into the mix.

Eventually, Kingston gets restless, bouncing in his seat and bursting full of energy.

“Are we still going to the playground, momma?”

“Absolutely, honey. Why don't you think about what toys you might want to bring.”

“Okay, I already know! I want my little racing cars, and my scooter, and maybe the football, too.”

“Well, come on, champ,” his grandpa suggest, ”let's tidy up here and then we'll see if we can't put a little oil into that creaky scooter of yours, so you'll be all ready to go.”

While the men make a quick show of putting away the used dishes, Gwen and her mom linger over another cup of coffee.

“Honey, you seem a little absent. Is everything alright after last night?” Patti has watched her daughter carefully during breakfast. Without wanting to pry, this seems like the best opportunity to breach the subject.

“Oh, yes mom. I'm sorry. I just keep thinking about what's gonna happen on the show.”

“What _is_ going to happen? Did you get a chance to talk to Blake at all?” Her mom's question is casual but tactfully worded.

Gwen nods in slow response and slightly blushes.

“I did. He-, well, he really didn't like that part of the show and I-, I do believe him. He was very honest and miserable by the end of the night.” Gwen gently stresses her explanation but, for now, omits the more private aspects of their time together. “He said he was going to keep helping me on Adam's team, if I wanted. So, it's gonna be a different. I'm trying to remind myself that the whole show is a whirlwind of not knowing what to expect. I'll be fine, mom.”

Gwen can't keep a smile from forming in her face as she tries to reassure her mom and decides to steer their conversation into a slightly different direction.

“Blake actually offered to show us around the studio. Like, a private tour for the whole family. Would you want to come sometime this week, if that's still a possibility?”

*

About an hour later, Gwen and Kingston arrive at their favorite playground. Once out of the car, Kingston races ahead, guiding his scooter towards the first spot that has swings and a designated area for him to drive his little vehicle in circles without obstacles.

With a pack full of water bottles, a few more snacks, Kingston's smaller toys, and some of her own supplies, Gwen follows him without hurry. King knows not move farther away than where he can still see her. Gwen, too, usually enjoys the family-friendly park, spread out widely through a nicely shaded forested area. They don't often have the chance to come all the way out here, so she intends to make the most out of their day.

Gwen is not surprised when King's first plan of action is an attempt to race his scooter for as many laps and as fast as he can. She grins at his seemingly endless energy, inwardly applauding his efforts to tire himself out.

“Look, momma! I'm almost flying!” Kingston calls out to her, clearly delighted and proud when she waves to him.

Fully out of breath after another fifteen minutes of carefree racing, King abandons his game and half drags himself over to where Gwen has set up a picnic blanket beneath a larger tree. He plops down onto his back, his limbs sprawling to his sides.

“Wheewww. That was soooo fast.”

“Yep, so fast I could hardly even see you anymore,” Gwen teases her son. “You've become all hot now. Cool down just for a moment and have a little drink.”

Kingston happily obliges and takes slow sips from the bottle Gwen opens for him. He regains his breath by snuggling up to Gwen and spends some minutes relaxing into her.

“Momma?”

“Hm, sweetheart?”

“When do you go back to singing?”

“You mean, when do I go back to the Voice studio?”

“Uhu.”

“In a few days, I think. They're gonna call me and tell me what days I'm supposed to practice my next song with Mr. Adam.”

“Oh... okay.” Kingston's voice drops down. “Mr. Adam pushed his button after you lost your song. You're not singing with Mr. Blake anymore.

“That's right, honey, that's what happened,” Gwen affirms softly, not surprised the battle end is still part of his thoughts.

“Is Mr. Adam gonna come by our house, too?”

“I don't think so. Normally coaches don't come to your house.” She can't help but be uncertain about where his questioning is going.

“Okay...” Kingston whispers.

“Baby, what's on your mind? You sound a little sad to me. Are you _feeling_ sad?”

“Maybe a little.“ Kingston shrugs and hides his face.

“That's alright, love. It's really good to know how you're feeling. Do you think you can tell me about what makes you sad?” Gwen coaxes him gently. Her sweet boy has certainly come into the world with a sensitive side very familiar to her.

Kingston hums into her shirt before he musters up his courage and eventually mumbles to her.

“I remembered I couldn't say goodbye to Mr. Blake... I really wanted to be his friend.”

Gwen's chest suddenly freezes as her son's words sink in.

No. _Please, no._

They are all it takes for every fear she has to come crashing into her heart and bury the enchanted shimmers of emotion she'd been trying to preserve.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, I actually made a self-imposed deadline! Thank you for your lovely comments and enjoy reading. Unfortunately I can't yet give an estimate to when the next update is coming.

*

When Blake wakes up to a room full of light, it's already mid-morning. His large frame is halfway curled into Gwen's previous spot, comfortably dazed in half-dreams and memories of cradling her to his body.

For just a moment Blake is disoriented when he finds himself alone. Without being fully awake he gradually shifts into a half-seated position and runs his fingers through his hair. He becomes aware of the jacket still halfway covering his back and pulls the piece of clothing to him, touching it to his face. Blake smiles softly when he inhales - it's now scented like Gwen, a small keepsake, proof, too, that she had in fact been here with him last night. His memories flood back to him with a clarity he's not quite ready for, but, somewhere in the mix of them, he thinks he half-remembers Gwen whisper about needing to be with her family and her soft apology in his sleep.

He can't fault her that she had to go, but in unconscious continuation of his dreams he allows himself to think about how this day could have begun differently if they'd woken up together.

Blake envisions how Gwen might have stirred in his arms with mussed hair and a shy smile. He would have smoothed his palms up and down her back to silently assure her that she was perfectly welcome where she was, even in daylight. He would have kissed her forehead and sleepily murmured something gruff-sounding but ultimately sweet to wish her a good morning. Eventually, they might have untangled themselves, hazily rubbing more circulation into their limbs. His heart would have skipped a few more beats at the sight of half hidden blushes suddenly filling Gwen's face. He would have promised to find her coffee, squeezing her hand softly before leaving his studio, effectively allowing Gwen time to gather herself and freshen up. Likely, he would have returned with a school-boy smile, eager to come back and not leave her alone for longer than necessary. He has a feeling she might not be a morning person and would be grateful for the hot beverage to help start the day. They might not have talked that much, trying rather to keep their hold on the finely glowing energy between them with help of gestures more than words. She might have come back into his embrace all by herself, asking permission with a hesitant gaze before wrapping her arms around his lower back and tucking her head beneath his chin. He would have inhaled slowly, endlessly mesmerized by how precious she feels. In low tones he would have convinced her to let him take her home, guiding her safely, privately, to the parking lot, opening the car's door for her on the passenger's side, never mind that it might be her own vehicle. During the drive, with low music in the background, he knows he would have wanted to hold her hand, lightly tracing the incredible softness of her skin with his thumb, sneaking glances at her whenever he thought she might not notice. At her door, he may have wanted to kiss her goodbye, but would almost certainly be robbed of his small sliver of courage by the innocent sparkling of her brown eyes. Instead he would then press a soft, drawn out kiss against her cheek, murmuring in his slow southern drawl how much he'd love to see her again.

Blake's not generally a guy to daydream, although he enjoys letting his thoughts wander or quieten down, especially when out in the woods. With Gwen he can't help himself, even knowing the real sensation of how she lights him up is one no fantasy could come close to.

Either way, he woke up and she's still the only person he cares about. Her and her young son who he's somehow clicked with at first sight but barely had a chance to get to know yet. He forgot to tell her last night how much he'd like that if she'd allow him to.

A soft smile begins to light up Blake's face when he finds the alert for a new message on his phone.

*

It's not Gwen, but Adam texting him and demanding in usual fashion for Blake to come over and spend their day off like they used to after the first milestone taping of the show. Blake actually likes the idea. The prospect of lazing out at the singer's shaded poolside with a decent barbecue and some hanging-out time in nature all seem to fit his current need to flow along with the mood of the summer day more through feelings than anything else. Initially, he'd been reluctant to stay too much at Adam's house, ever since he crashed there after his divorce. With Behati and little Dusty now part of the mix, he had a hard time being around them as a family, feeling like a bruised and broken fifth wheel amidst their fairy-tale love. To Blake's relief, the last few months have slowly worked in his favor and diffused his discomfort. He's been grateful for that; he had known Adam far too long to screw up their friendship on account of being miserable.

Blake stretches his limbs to fully wake up and texts Adam back with a short but affirmative message. Two hours later, just in time for what might be considered lunch, he arrives at his friend's seriously luxurious mansion.

For some reason Blake has taken more care with his appearance. Freshly showered and shaven, he picked a light pair of jeans and one of his nicer summer shirts that's not actually wrinkled, going even so far and doing something purposeful to his hair that seems promising to help keep his curls in check. If Adam notices once he greets him, he doesn't let on, but sends Blake directly through the kitchen to join Behati and their daughter outside in their spacious lounge area.

“Hey, Blake,“ Behati welcomes him with a kiss on his cheek, “so good to have you join us. It's been too long. We missed you.” She throws him a serious look that only softens with his reply. “I missed you, too, Bee.” He means it.

At sixteen months, Dusty, Adam and Behati's daughter, is well into being mobile and toddles barefoot through the grass, continuously babbling to herself. As soon as she sets her sight on the tall visitor, she changes directions and dashes towards Blake in obvious delight. Her face forms into an adorably toothy smile the closer she gets to him. Just as Dusty is about to trip during the excitement of her last steps in reaching him, Blake kneels down and gently steadies her with a single hand before gathering her up to his chest.

“Hi there, sunshine.“ Dusty emits tiny squeals as soon as she sees his dimples and pokes her fingers into his face. Blake's insides warm at the feeling of her innocent actions. “You're surely getting prettier by the minute. Thank goodness you take after your momma.” Dusty continues her happy exploration of his features and Blake grins softly into the bluish hue of her eyes. He may not let on to Adam, but he's been as taken with his friend's baby girl as she appears fascinated by him.

*

Adam lazily shifts on his sun lounger, quickly yawning after their satisfying meal. He hands Blake another half-frozen bottle from the cooler as Behati is putting Dusty down for her nap, so they've got a little while by themselves.

“Okay man, time for you to spill. Wanna fill me in on what happened yesterday?”

Adam chills back into his seat with a determined glint in his eye.

„Could you be any less specific?“ Instinctively, Blake plays for time as unwelcome tension settles into his stomach. He rubs his hands across his face, the gesture so intimately ingrained he doesn't even notice. He had almost hoped he might get around this conversation, but knowing Adam, well, he's had this coming; rightly so, if he's honest. 

“You practically kidnapping me away from set and _'making me swear to save Gwen in case you couldn't keep her on your team'_ is what I'm talking about.” Adam challenges Blake with a look that dares him to try and evade him further. “Now riddle me this, why on earth would you ever vote her off?”

“You wanted her from the start.” Blake counters. “You got your wish!” On the outside it might be a feeble attempt on Blake's part to try and throw Adam off with nonchalant cockiness. On the inside, it's nothing but show to protect what he needs to keep to himself for a little bit longer.

“Fat chance, cowboy, you're not getting away that easily. You realize, this is now going to be my favorite season _ever._ 'Cause you dropped someone gorgeous, the public is gonna _love_ _her_ and she's gonna be my finalist.” Adam's voice dance up and down in glee, he's quite apparently enjoying himself. “I'm _never_ gonna let you live that down!” 

“Suit yourself.” Defensive or not, it doesn't do anything but get Adam more riled up. Blake should have known.

“Seriously! Don't think I'm not ecstatic to have Gwen on my team, but I just don't get you, dude!” Disbelieving and slightly enraged on Gwen's behalf, Adam is working himself into one of his speeches. “She may not be country, but that's never stopped you before. You loved her voice the second you heard her sing, don't bother and pretend that's not still the case. Gwen deserved that win, you and me know that!” 

Blake would normally applaud him, if only he didn't want to end this conversation right there. The fact that Adam is already sort of fighting for Gwen is the only reason he's feeling minimally less stupid.

“Don't you think I know that? She could win the whole damn show.” There he goes, handing out more ammunition against himself.

“Then what the hell, Blake?!” Adam stares him down.

“ I needed her to be safe on the show!” Blake admits in quiet fashion. “ _ S _ he's safe with you. Will you let this go, please!”

It's the last thing Adam will do. Partly because he refuses to let Blake bullshit him, and partly because he's having too much fun.

“Safe from what? Your own stupidity? I was there for every second she was on stage. She was absolutely crushing it.”

“I know she was. You got no idea how good she is. I almost screwed that up!”

“So what? You're sending her to me to make up for your troubles?” Adam continues his mockery to a degree that's closely nearing hurtful yet Blake refuses to give him a direct answer. Instead he inhales deeply and closes his eyes, wishing himself back to one of the moments where all he could think about was how perfectly Gwen folded into his embrace.

He's tired of evading Adam... he wasn't going to be let off the hook. And well, this _was_ Adam. He did save Gwen for him.

Blake no longer tries to guard what comes out his mouth, he drops his barrier and lets another part of him speak softly on his behalf.

“Adam, I need you to keep this to yourself.” He knows he can always trust his friend in that regard. 

“I care about Gwen, okay? I hated hurting her that way last night. Will you please stop reminding me.”

*

Adam is dumbfounded and momentarily speechless.

It doesn't keep for long.

“Oooh! Oh. My. God!" Adam erupts in a cheering spree. "I can't believe you _like_ her. You _do_ like her! Oh wooow, that's just  too good! I mean, the cowboy has a crush on the pretty LA-girl. Could this get any cuter?” 

The singer practically prances with unexpected amusement. “So is that why? 'cause you wanna date her and you can't until she's legally off your team? Are you two like a thing yet?” 

What was meant as one more bit of harmless silliness turns out to be the last straw to finally set Blake off.

“I swear to God, Adam! Can you be older than five just for once in your damn life!”

Blake rarely lashes out in personal anger, so much Adam knows, but when he does, he's dead serious. He has only seen this side of his friend while he was going through his divorce. It had been anything but pretty.

Adam holds up his hands in makeshift apology.

“I'm sorry, man. I went too far.” He pauses with remorse. “I think it's great, actually. That you care about her.”

Yes, Adam begins to realize. It honestly was great, because his friend hadn't given him the slightest inclination to believe he'd even want to look at another woman again. Hearing about Gwen all of a sudden at last explains the minimal shift to being slightly more at ease he's witnessed in Blake.

*

They finish their drinks in silence, giving themselves some time to cool off until Adam eventually clears his throat.

“So, what's she like? As a person.” He's simply asking, genuinely.

Blake takes his time. There's not much he's willing to share at the moment.

“We're... really similar in some ways.” Blake begins hesitantly “She's been through a lot but she's real easy to talk to... She has a little boy, he looks just like her, being happy and smiley.” For some reason it seemed easier to talk about Kingston than Gwen, it helps him feel less vulnerable.

“She's important enough for you to let her go?”

Blake nods silently at first. It's not like he hasn't already said so.

„She's..., she's special Adam. Musically and privately. I didn't think I was a good enough coach anymore. I couldn't only focus on her performance. Make sure you don't push her too hard. Make sure she-“

„Whoa there, my friend.“ Adam hold up his hands again before he goes on gently but firmly. „You gave away your coaching privileges. Even though I respect that you're very invested, she and me, we're gonna need to rock this thing our own way now. You get that, right?“

„Sure.“ Blake does, but it's not only about him. „I promised Gwen I'd still help, if she needed me to.“

„Well, give me a chance to get to know her first and then we'll see if you can't come to a rehearsal or two, see how that goes. I'm serious though, Blake. she's on my team now. I'm gonna fight hard for her, even if that means kicking you out.“

„Fair enough.“

*

They have another drink each. The sun beats down on them. Behati has taken refuge in the cool luxury of air-conditioning to phone her parents. In the meantime he and Adam talk about Dusty, the show, Blake's latest visit to Oklahoma.

“Please, let me be five again for one more question?”

Blake rolls his eyes and shrugs like he doesn't care.

“More like fifteen, probably, I'm just really dying to know.” Adam grins knowingly. “Anything happen yet, between the two of you?”

Blake coughs suddenly and almost loses hold of his drink while Adam only laughs out loud.

He throws him an unbelieving look. There's no way Blake's gonna share that part.

“She's becoming a good friend. 's all you're gonna hear from me. Shut up and never ask again.”

“Whatever you say, buddy.” Adam laughs once more.

Their comfortable silence fills the air. Adam's back to being an adult, as much as that's possible for him.

“You think it could go anywhere?”

This time, he's not getting an answer.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. :)

On a rainy but warm afternoon two days later, Gwen returns home with Kingston after she's picked him up from his play-date. The weather, apparently, hadn't stopped the two boys from splashing and messing around in his little friend's backyard. Gwen doesn't really mind, she wants to nurture and protect her son's freedom to innocently play how he chooses for as long as she can. She now has a tired but happy little boy who only needs a change of clothes, his dinner and some snuggle time.

“Well, little monkey,” she picks him up from inside the car and kisses his cheek, “you sure had a lot of fun this afternoon, didn't you?”

“Yup. We were playing dinosaurs!”

“Dinosaurs?” Gwen halts in amusement once she reaches their door. Kingston's fascination with the prehistoric creatures seems to have reached a new level. “How did you do that?”

“Sam an' me, we put our hands and our knees on the ground, and we walked outside, and then we played eating the grass, and we roared really loud so all the other animals knew we were big and scary.”

“I see... I'm sure they knew. You must have been such a good little dinosaurs.” Gwen laughs softly to herself as she imagines King trampling through the wet ground on all fours. It certainly explains the state of his appearance.

“Big dinosaurs!” King insists and spreads his arms widely part. “We were really big. Bigger than our house!”

“Oh, wow! Do we need to stand you outside and wait until the rain has washed you off or will you still fit into our tub?” She's clearly teasing him and Kingston loves it as he giggles into her neck.

“Mom-ma! I've gone back to being a boy. No more rain today.”

“I'm glad. I want to snuggle my little boy Kingston much more than dinosaur King. Let's get you into a bath now, so you'll be all cleaned up and in your PJ's for when grandma comes over in a little while.”

“Okay.... Look, I'm really muddy, momma.” He shares his condition with a serious expression on his face.

Gwen laughs out loud as she unlocks the door. “You sure are.”

 

*

 

Gwen has Kingston take off his shoes and soaked pants next to their front door while she quickly pulls a prepared dinner casserole from the fridge and sets it up to cook in the oven.

She runs a warm and bubbly bath for him while Kingston picks his latest favorite toys to join him.

Once in the tub, her boy may be out of the rain, but he still loves to let his animals splash as much as he can while Gwen is trying her best to give him a gentle but good scrubbing.

“Don't get momma wet, please.”

Kingston eases down on his wave-making and considers her. “'Cause you go to sing when grandma comes?”

“That's right. We're gonna have dinner together when grandma's here and then I'll need to go and she's gonna tuck you into bed and stay until I'm back, alright?”

Kingston hums his agreement before he voices another thought. “Why aren't you practicing in the afternoon? Like before?”

“Well, they need me come in the evening because that's when Mr. Adam has time.”

Truth be told, she doesn't like to leave just before Kingston's bedtime, but they'll have to find a way and manage for a few more weeks. She is glad Kingston doesn't ask about Blake again.

Before long, all soap is rinsed off and Kingston is sparkly clean. He keeps being excited by how wrinkly his little fingers get and holds them up for her to see.

“Look, I'm all done, momma. Good job!”

Gwen laughs as her heart overflows.

“Thanks, baby. Let's get you dried off.” She reaches for a hand-towel and gently begins to rub it over his hair in circling motions.

“Momma?”

“Hmm?”

“When you get home, will you come into my room and cuddle me? So I'll know that you're back?”

It's a tender request, but one that proves once more how singularly Kingston is attached to her. With the small exception of her parents, Gwen is Kingston's world, and he is hers. That's how it's always been for them. With the increasing demands of the show she's had good reasons to make extra sure he knew this wouldn't change.

“I can, but you're gonna be asleep, won't you? You might not even notice.”

“I'll know in my sleep, momma. And so I won't get bad dreams. _Please?_ You need to come see.” His small voice is pleading tenderly but with a somber undertone that doesn't escape Gwen.

Nearly done, Gwen fully wraps Kingston into a warmed bath-towel and hugs him tightly.

“Of course, love. I'll come in and cuddle you extra strong as soon as I get home.”

Kingston slings his arms around her neck and hums softly.

 

*

 

Rather than call or text, Blake has been waiting to meet Gwen on studio grounds, where the show's schedule would allow him to see her naturally in familiar surroundings. Without her on his team, he no longer has rehearsals as cover up to get in touch. In daylight he's not sure his personal desire alone would be good enough reason. He doesn't dare take the chance yet, the vulnerability of Gwen and him after her Battle still too fresh on his mind.

Gwen, it appears, has chosen to do the same, because he hasn't heard from her, however often he's checked his phone. That doesn't mean Blake hasn't been thinking of her every free minute, giving himself ample opportunity to replay all of that night's events over and over in his mind. He had relished in ghost-like feelings of Gwen's perfectly soft lips and of how warm and alive she had been in his arms, breathing deeply in her sleep. She's invisibly imprinted on him, the sensation sweetly pulling at him whenever he tried to focus on something else.

Adam, unknowingly, offers Blake an opportunity by changing his mind about rehearsing with Gwen. He asks Blake to join them halfway during their first meeting.

That's where Blake is driving to now, and, by God, he feels stupid. He hasn't been this fidgety, since, well, he can't recall. It's certainly not like him. He doesn't know if it's just the anticipation of seeing Gwen, or the fact that Adam will be there. Knowing Adam, this could potentially become very embarrassing for Blake.

In laughable attempts to pass the time, Blake had changed twice in the course of the early evening, each time critically studying himself in a mirror he otherwise ignored. He swears silently and reminds himself how he actually likes to be a simple country guy. He's gotten used to being dressy and groomed for TV, but outside the show he never particularly cared about spending too much time on his looks. Now he finds himself deciding on a slimmer pair of jeans Behati once complimented him on, and one of his nicer shirts, carefully rolling up the sleeves the way he likes them.

 

*

 

Blake approaches Adam's rooms still restless but buzzing with increasing desire to see Gwen. The sensation has reminded him of being a teenager all day. It wouldn't stop him now from making a fool of himself.

The relaxed scene Blake encounters is certainly different than what he had expected. Gwen and Adam occupy a well-designed lounge area and intently follow a music video playing loudly on the mounted screen opposite to them. His view swerves from their seating position to the wall and back. Gwen's back is to him, so she doesn't see him yet, but Adam is in full line with the open doors and wildly waves him inside as he turns down the music a notch.

“Cowboy, there you are! Grab a drink and sit down, we're just about to start with the nineties.”

The Maroon 5 singer gestures to an array of unopened bottles in front him and grins like the overexcited child Blake knows him to be. Adam, for sure, doesn't gives Blake the time to feel awkward so Blake jumps right in.

“Is this what you do at rehearsals?” He addresses Adam and sends a light smile towards Gwen who has turned around to watch him make his way across the room. God, there she is, even more beautiful in person.

“Nah, I'm gonna wait to impress Gwen with my superb coaching abilities until next time. We're just hanging out and surfing YouTube tonight. You up for that?”

“Sure.”

Blake's not particularly interested in being part of the conversation anymore as he reaches the seating area.

He finds it more important to see Gwen and settles into a free space across from her and Adam, where he can still watch the screen but also have a clear view of his friends.

“Hi, Gwen.”

Gwen smiles softly at his warm greeting, as if she's holding back. But so is Blake, opting for a longer moment of eye contact instead of a more physical welcome. They're not alone, he doesn't need Adam's commentary.

Either way, Gwen is a sight to behold, even as she has a hard time responding to his gaze and turns away quickly to the safety of the screen. Blake thinks she's not nearly as relaxed as Adam, but breathtaking all the same.

He softens his gaze as he takes in her appearance. Shimmering silky and smooth, her hair tonight is easily braided out of her face, illuminating the light glow on her skin and her big, doe-like eyes. In faded blue jeans, a white shirt and a light, coarsely knit cardigan, Gwen is the vision of everybody's girl next door. Whether casual or dressed up in high fashion for filming, Blake couldn't be more more enchanted by her. He can't subdue the smile playing across his face when he secretly studies her. It seems so surreal she had actually kissed him.

Adam ignores his apparent infatuation and doesn’t wait long to clue him in. When Blake learns that they’ve basically browsed through musical decades, each picking three favorite songs from a different genre, it’s not what he would call conventional but in regards to Adam that hardly says a lot. Continuing with the nineties, as proclaimed, sets them up for an interesting variety of selections. The real fun begins when Adam prompts Blake to join them and he thinks he notices Gwen blush several times when Adam calls him out on his purposefully wild ideas.

In a different way, Blake is quite aware of how Adam is using music as a fast track to get to know Gwen and her previous experience. He’s goofing off simply to make her feel at ease, while dipping into exchanges about nearly everything related to genre, history, technical skills and her personal ambitions as an artist. Adam is doing well by her so far.

It’s endearing to watch Gwen light up during her picks and open up to Adam, but also bittersweet, more than just a little bit if he’s honest, because it’s no longer him she’s focusing on. On the other hand, Blake gets to watch Gwen without feeling he’s letting her down. It’s enough for the moment.

When Gwen rarely meets his eyes, hardly turns into his direction even, Blake attributes it to where they are; after all, she’s been nothing but professional in all of his rehearsals.

She might be nervous, too, Blake decides. He certainly is, every time she laughs and moves excitedly in her position.

 

*

 

Once Adam decides it time to wrap up, he pretty much leaves them behind, nonchalantly gathering his stuff before saying goodbye to Gwen.

“This was great tonight, I really think we're gonna have a lot of fun. Let's go over song ideas and a few more thoughts I have in a couple of days. Your choice if you want the cowboy here for that.”

Adam smirks and nods towards Blake.

“You make sure Gwen gets to her car alright, will you?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, as he walks towards the door, clearly intent on leaving the two to their own device. “Goodnight, you guys.”

 

*

 

Gwen lingers back with Blake but she still won't quite look at him. Blake doesn't know what he had hoped for, other than putting another full smile on her face and hearing her laugh without inhibition.

“Are you guys still up for that studio tour?” It's a light attempt to find common ground. The perfect excuse to see her and Kingston again.

Gwen turns to him hesitatingly as a darker shadow briefly washes over her expression.

“I’m not sure the timing's good, to be honest.”

“Oh, okay. Something came up?”

“Yes, and no, really.” There's a serious calm to Gwen that's new. She waits until she's certain she can go on.

“I think you're amazing. The best coach anyone could have. There's so much you did for me that was never part of your job. It meant so much to me. Right now I just think, since I'm off your team, we shouldn't see each other like that anymore.”

Gwen stands quietly and waits.

“Please, say something.”

“I-... What happened Gwen? Between a few days ago and now?”

He knows, of course he knows what happened between them, but it doesn't make sense.

“Nothing.” She's looking at the ground, answering softly. “I'm sorry, Blake. It's not about you. I'm so grateful for everything you've done for me. For us.”

In slow motion numbness paints Blake's heart into a rock, colors it gray beyond recognition. The world doesn't feel real any more.

“I don't understand what you mean.”

He waits for her, desperately running his eyes over her face, looking for a clue. The thought that something had happened he has no chance to even comprehend, it’s almost heart-breaking.

“Gwen... what's wrong?”

Gwen's eyes well up with tears. She shakes her head from side to side, wrapping her arms around her midsection.

“It's my fault. Kingston and me, we need to look after ourselves. I'm all he's got and we've barely settled down. I'm not doing him a favor by bringing new people into our life without even thinking. I'm so sorry, Blake. _”_

“Wait, please. What are you saying? Is Kingston okay?”

“He is.” She nods. “But I almost forgot he needs to be the most important person in my life. Too much is happening with this show, Blake. I'm not even sure I should stay on anymore. Kingston's everything to me and I can't be so distracted that he gets hurt. I won't be able to keep him safe forever, but I need to try right now. He's only three years old, he's already lost a father that didn't want him.”

Her heart's pain simply spills out of Gwen. She knows she's doing a 180 degree turn away from everything she had felt three nights ago. She's running into the opposite direction, taking her own feelings out of the scenario rather than wait for the ground to be pulled away from underneath her feet. She had put all her energy into pushing away the thoughts of how much it would crush her. Now she's knowingly hurting Blake and the feeling is even worse.

“You're asking me to leave you alone?”

Blake sounds just like after Gwen's Battle, so she only nods again, holding herself tensely, and unable to meet Blake's eyes any longer.

Gwen might have decided differently had it just been herself. She might be able to handle another heartbreak. Her son would not.

Deep down, Blake gets it. As much as it hurts him to admit.

In some ways this is perfectly about him, while on another level it really isn't. 

He wants to ask her if it's just Kingston that's she worried about, but his own words fail him. He's been cruising rock bottom for the past year while Gwen had already picked herself back up. Unlike him, she's not on her own. She has a lot more to lose than him, a lot more responsibility, too. Perhaps he'd need to do the exact same thing in her position.

He had made a choice that was meant to protect Gwen. Now she's making one for her son that takes him out of the picture.

“ 'right...”

Blake pauses for a long time. He feels cold, bereft of all emotion. He'll leave her be and walk away, if it's what Gwen needs. He's learned from before, taking into account her sensitivity. The last he will do is push Gwen to change her mind.

He respects her too much.

It saves him just the tiniest bit, too, because he couldn't take a second no from her tonight

Blake's career seems to remain the only constant in his life. For that he should be grateful once and for all. In regards to anything private, life had shown him over and over he wasn't ever meant to have more than an ounce of short-lasting happiness. God, he should finally accept that and stop trying.

“Adam's gonna keep looking out for you. Please don't leave the show.”  


*

 

Gwen arrives home, red-eyed and emotionally exhausted. She drops all of her stuff right by the door and says a quick goodbye to her mom.

In the low glow of Kingston's night light she then crawls into her son's bed and gathers his sleeping body into her arms. He sighs against her neck.

“'I'm here, baby. Momma's back home. I love you.” Gwen whispers to him with a raspy dip in her voice until the lump in her throat becomes to heavy to ignore and forces her to heave with silent sobs.

She tries to keep still when Kingston stirs and wakes up enough to be aware of her presence. He snuggles closer and rests his little hand on her wet cheek.

“No sad momma.“ His mumbles are almost inaudible. Gwen buries her nose into his hair and inhales.

“ 's gonna be fine... Go back to sleep, baby.”

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so, this had to happen :(


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I am so thankful for each of you who commented and said you understood where Gwen was coming from. I seriously have a painful time putting her and Blake through this. They occupy all of my heart, strange as that may sound.  
> Even through I wanted to post longer chapters, the story may turn into smaller but more frequent chapters again while I move through this situation.
> 
> Thank you for reading. I loved every heartfelt comment! xx

 

Gwen was nowhere near fine in the morning.

With Kingston it’s second nature to put on a cheerful face and shower him with love and joy. He gives it back tenfold through every hug and smile. He is how Gwen has survived before, so every time she looks at him now she knows why she's made her choice.

When apart from him, she goes through the motions of school and resumes their everyday life. Outwardly, work goes on, rehearsals go on, and even when her days become so full she barely sleeps, Gwen doesn't slow down because it helps push away the fact that every time she thinks of Blake her chest constricts and it hurts to breathe. She clings to the idea that it would be over soon. In Gwen's mind the chance for her to actually move through the next rounds remains small. She couldn't imagine how she would go on to perform week after week with Blake watching mere feet away. For sure she'd be voted off before then. She doesn't dare hope for it or leave on her own, couldn't turn her back on the gift the show still is, but she's getting ready to say goodbye for when her time comes.

In the meantime, going to the studio becomes less of an opportunity to be herself but turns into painful tension of hoping not to run into Blake. Every time Gwen is present and doesn’t see him, she grows less anxious in one way and inexplicably more withdrawn in another. It doesn’t help that she can’t escape his super-sized image on the studio walls. It feels like he's still everywhere, only she's no longer part of his world.

As Gwen begins her actual work with Adam, her new coach doesn’t ask twice when she quietly declares her preference for Blake not to join their rehearsals. If Adam's aware of anything else, he’s not letting on. Instead he's following Gwen's lead and doesn't mention Blake again.

Moving forward, it’s the singer's sheer enthusiasm about her musical abilities, whether justified or not, and his bottomless love for his tiny daughter, that make Gwen truly like him. During breaks they spend more time than they should exchanging stories about their children while Adam eagerly shows off Dusty’s pictures and peppers Gwen with questions about pre-schools and Kingston’s latest accomplishments.

Adam, essentially, is fearless and challenges Gwen to think about how she could grow into an even more extraordinary artist. In their second meeting he actually has the cheek to suggest a couple of country songs that Gwen's never heard of for her Knockout performance. Gwen is seriously taken aback at first, but Adam craves to be boldly creative, ambitious and strategic, and this is how it shows. He wants to work one of them into a new version for Gwen, showcasing the world a different kind of potential, as well as her abilities to transform any song into a unique interpretation of her own.

His choices for her are meant to surprise, shock even, while also playing into the fact that Blake, as one of country music’s superstars had voted Gwen off his team. While strongly advocating for Gwen, Adam wasn’t kidding in previously announcing he wouldn’t let Blake off the hook. How genius of a response would it be for Gwen to now take one of the genre’s biggest hits and mold it into something impressively her own, simply to show Blake.

The producers loved this kind of drama unfolding on air. In terms of storytelling, this move, if pulled off successfully, would be certain to earn Gwen wide recognition and support from their audiences.

In the end, it’s really one of the songs that wins Gwen over. The original version is a heartfelt and sincere tale of a mother who raises her only son with love and humility while watching him become an honest and kind young man. On the brink of making a life for himself, her son dies unexpectedly, threatening to throw his mother into an existence of grief and despair. Moving on, it’s only the memory of her son’s pure soul and her gratitude that she was able to love him for as long as God saw fit that help guide her through the rest of her life and bear his loss.

Gwen spends several nights listening to it over and over, captivated by the female singer’s quiet spirit and clear voice. Country or not, she falls in love with the melody and every single line of lyrics, in turn allowing both to fuse into her whole being.

Performing this song as her own becomes Gwen sole objective for the show, her daily goal that's meant to keep her inspired and focused on something else beside her almost constant thoughts of Blake.

Her resolve only ever lasts until Kingston is in bed. Alone by herself every night, the single memory of how at home she had been in Blake's arms refuses to leave her alone and Gwen's throat gradually tightens, making it harder and harder for her fully inhale. With each day that passes outside of her rehearsals, she grows more numb in regards to what may happen after her performance.

*

One night, when her mom comes over to stay with Kingston again, Gwen can no longer hold on to her facade. Her mom has been watching her long enough, outgrowing the time she deems appropriate to leave Gwen to work out whatever's been bothering her. When Kingston runs off to play after dinner, Patti pulls Gwen to sit at the kitchen table and sets a fresh cup of tea in front of her before claiming the adjoining chair.

“Gwenny, dear, I think it's time you start talking me. What's been going on with you?”

Gwen is resistant, yet part of her needs to share what has been chaining down her heart.

“Oh Mom, I don't know. I just doesn't feel like anything is right anymore.”

“What do you mean, honey?”

“Everything. School, and work, and the show. It’s all becoming too much. I'm so worried about Kingston, like I'm already not spending enough time with him, always organizing where he's going to stay or who he's going to be with.”

Patti leans forward, gentle understanding dawning in her.

„Do you think he's not doing well?“

„Not so far. But I don't ever even want that to happen. What kind of mother would I be to do my own thing and simply wait for my son to show me that he's unhappy?“

„Oh honey, you're not giving yourself enough credit. You try so hard for him every day.“

„What if trying isn't good enough?“

„Sweetheart, listen to me closely. Your dad and I, we love you. We fully support you. You know we would be honest in telling you if we thought otherwise.“

It's true, they would, just as they had been very clear about their final feelings on her ex-husband.

„You are a wonderful mom, honey. Kingston is doing really well with preschool and making his own friends. He won't be able to stay in your little bubble forever. As young as he is and as focused you are on him, he also needs you to be committed to what you love and dream about. You're actually teaching him that it's worth sacrificing for a little while. Do you see what I mean?“

She rubs her hands in comfort along Gwen's shoulders and waits for her daughter but Gwen only sighs and takes a long sip out of her mug.

„You weren't truly happy without performing, were you?“

Gwen shakes her head no. "You're right. I wasn't. But King's more important. He's got to be more important.“

„I'm sorry, Gwenny, that's not true. You _both_ are.

„Mom-“

„No, Gwen, I'm serious. After everything you went through to have Kingston, of course you're incredibly protective of him. Nearly every mother would be. You have to learn he's only going to be happiest when you are, too. Do you really feel you need to put your other dreams away for his sake when there's a chance you might get to live them?“

Gwen has a hard time responding, she's staring across the table with no apparent aim.

„You know, it was so hard for your dad and me to watch you put everything else second before he was even born. You're our baby, too, Gwenny, and you deserve all the happiness in the world.“

„What if it doesn't work out, though? I've already got him, and my place back in school, and you and dad, and this house. I shouldn't even want anything else. We'll both only get hurt and I won't be responsible for that.“

The painful way Gwen defends her feelings begins to makes less and less sense.

„Honey, are you sure you're only talking about this show?”

Gwen fingers the rim on her mug, her gazed fixed on it. “I'm not...” She can admit this much, even without giving her mom details. “But it doesn't matter anymore.”

God, her throat throbs again. She tries to relax her neck and takes a long, deep breath.

*

As she grows more tired throughout the week, Gwen finds herself losing track of what she was doing while new images of Blake, and how things with him might have evolved differently, play out before her inner eye.

In one scene, Blake would have chosen Gwen as her battle winner, clapping for her and hugging her proudly for everyone to see. She'd still be on his team. She'd still see him every week, and she'd blush whenever he would look at her with one of his huge, warm smiles. She would have stayed until the end of the taping that night, secretly following his every move on screen with a flutter around her navel, waiting to see him when he's done, because at some point during that day they had crossed an invisible line. She'd be all but pulled to meet him on the other side of it. Somehow, somewhere, she's almost certain they still would have kissed for the first time, entering an unseen sphere of their own where everything would have fallen away.

In another half-asleep trance Gwen thinks perhaps she _should_ have woken him up when she had to leave for Kingston. She could have skimmed her hands through his curls like she had wanted to, welcoming him in low and soft tones like she does with her son. She imagines his eyes deeply blue and heavy with sleep when they open, but beginning to clear when looking at her. His hand might have found hers and not let go.

She could have brought him along to breakfast. Her family wouldn’t have asked twice, they do love to feed everyone who visits. Kingston would have loved it, too. Eager to set aside Blake's favorite fruit for his pancakes. In the aftermath of sending Gwen to another coach, Blake might actually have been a little shy in getting to know her parents. But they would have understood, would have accepted Gwen's telling of events, growing more convinced by her lit up demeanor and the gentle way she was attuned to their guest. He would have been fine and she would secretly hold her breath every time their legs would graze each other beneath he table.

She imagines how Blake might have wanted to come to the park with her and Kingston. They could have picked the shady spot beneath the same tree that would give him support to lean against. Kingston would have skipped back and forwards between them and every activity on the playground, eager to have their attention and join their laughter while tiring himself out. Once he got out of breath they might have built a makeshift track for his little race cars to navigate in between sticks and stones. After lunch, a picnic from her mom's kitchen that would likely make Blake hum in pleasure with every bite, King might have dozed off with his head in her lap, giving Gwen the first chance to really look at Blake and watch his eyes lighten up as she smiles at him without interruption. He might have moved and adjusted then so he could invite her to lean into his side, softly interlocking his fingers with her free hand when she did. She would have wanted to ask him what it had been like for him to grow up and Blake might have recounted his favorite tales from roaming free as a young boy, to fishing and camping with his friends, and finally learning about music.  
  
They could have been content like this, flowing through the day without aim, almost like a real family simply being together.

In the end, all of Gwen's fantasies come back to the one point she didn't know how to fix. What if Kingston got too attached? What if _she_ did?

In all honesty, Gwen already was. She never did allow many people into her heart, but when she did, it happened before she knew it, without a safety net. By her own choosing, she's already getting hurt, but insists on taking it because at least her son remains safe.

*

After those weeks have passed, it's only two more days until her Knockout performance. Gwen is scheduled to be in the earlier rotation, filming on the first of three days. Tonight is her last rehearsal with Adam.

She ignores how she's had trouble breathing again, ignores how she's freezing on and off during the day. Gwen is still only tired and she'll get to sleep when it's all over and her parents are back in town from their friend's husband's funeral.

Adam doesn’t mind that she needs to bring Kingston. More so, he seemed as excited as her son that they would actually meet. Kingston has been ready to go, skipping from one leg to another for fifteen minutes, Bear under his arm, while Gwen now only needs to grab the comforter from his bedroom. Her boy might still be wide awake but she was certain he would be ready to crash long before they got back home.

Unfortunately, events at the studio would unfold very differently than Gwen had come to expect.

 


	17. Chapter 17

For Blake, the weeks to the Knockout performances pass in a blur of being too slow and equally too fast.

He doesn't know how he gets home after Gwen leaves Adam's studio. He finds himself lying back out on the measly excuse of a lawn attached to his rental, with nothing but the residue of a warm summer day to keep him company. He needs to be in Oklahoma, needs to see Betty and his family. But LA is where he is stuck for several more days. At least the ground already caught his fall. All he’s gotta do is stay right there and look upwards at the far away stars glittering with secret lives, waiting for them to reveal dawn in their own time. As long as he doesn't think of anything particular, he can pretend to be suspended in space until they do.

The next morning no-one blinks twice when Blake requests the updated production schedules. The documents outline all upcoming dates and times for internal events. Everything that would require either singers or coaches to be on the premise. Bakes notes photo shoots and promotional filming, wardrobe approvals and rehearsal windows for his coaching colleagues.

Adam is now consistent with his rehearsal times, a fairly new necessity for the singer to fit his family life and Maroon 5 into the mix. It makes the following decisions easier for Blake. He plans rehearsals with his own contestants accordingly and reschedules his appearances with the producer's assistants so that he's nowhere near the studio when Gwen is supposed to be on the grounds. It also helps that Adam’s rooms are on the far end of the building, minimizing the chance to run into Gwen by accident.

Blake intends to keep his words. Gwen has no choice in when to be there for the show. He, however, does. The less she sees of him, the better.

Having to tell Adam he’s not coming to Gwen’s rehearsals is quite possibly the lowest point of the day. He doesn’t want to explain himself, doesn’t want to hear her name spoken by anyone else. Rather, he wants to put every single thought of Gwen into a box gilded with her laughter and hide it away somewhere deep inside his heart.

Finally, he texts his friend with the fewest words possible, anxious but eventually relieved when Adam seems to pass over the information entirely. Instead he gets an offer for an afternoon of football and steaks. Without thinking Blake accepts. Anything to claim normalcy and pretend he’s not about to lose his mind.

It ends up being the right thing to do. Behati and Adam both have seen him at his worst, they still love him. He gets away with being more quiet but soaks himself in their presence and familiarity while neither of the three talks about the show. After their meal it's Dusty who somehow manages to get a true smile out of him. As Adam finds their game, Dusty's attempts to climb up next to Blake's spot on the couch are futile until her innocent babbling turns into frustration and Blake can't help but laugh and lift her up to stand beside him. Now content, the petite girl plops down into the cushions and insists on patting Blake's face with her tiny finger until his dimples reappear again.

Not too much later both Adam and Behati exchange a long look when Dusty refuses to be taken upstairs and ends up falling asleep on Blake's chest. She's warm and getting heavier by the minute, more than he would have thought possible for toddler so small, but Blake insists they keep watching the game. With his palm splayed across her back he keeps his hold on Dusty. She is perfectly fine where she is and her even breathing pulls Blake into a moment where the world is almost alright, for as long as he stays still.

Then Blake remembers how he's felt with Gwen being in the same innocent position and he's no longer able to follow the screen.

*

With the Battles done, at least there are fewer singers for Blake to focus on. He’s been good at putting up a facade for close to a year, nothing really changes in that regard. His contestants depend on him and he throws himself into work with them like before. It doesn't make a difference that they can't tell when his smile doesn't quite reach his eyes, it's not about him anyway. Knowing he's having some kind of meaningful influence once again becomes the reason to get up in the mornings, yet inwardly Blake is glad when each day is over and he can stop being social for another twelve hours.

The urge to drink revisits him nightly. He doesn't give in, not at first.

The evening he gets the CD with all rough cuts from his contestant's Battle performances almost becomes his undoing. Blake checks the accompanying Knockout schedule first, not even pretending he's not doing what he's doing. When he finds the information he's been looking for, he is letting go of a deep breath he wasn't aware of holding. Gwen's name is still on the rotation. It means she hadn't left the show.

It makes his next mover harder at the same time. He has to look at each performance, has to force himself to eventually watch James alongside Gwen. He'll have to see her in all her shining beauty, confident, powerful and breathtakingly amazing before he stupidly destroys it all and sends her away to Adam. God, Blake can't stop berating himself. Thinking back, it would have been more bearable to will his feelings away and kick his own butt threefold to focus on coaching Gwen without distraction. At least, she'd still be part of his team. She'd laugh at him with her golden voice and warm eyes twinkling, he'd feel properly alive just being in the same room with her. He'd still see her every week. Instead she's gone.

Eventually, Blake makes up his mind to play James' Battle scene only once, fulfilling his self-imposed obligation to the singer. Frozen in his seat, he stares at the screen while it runs. He turns it off the second the last harmony note has finished. He knows how this ends.

He drags himself to the kitchen and takes a single shot of Smithworks vodka. He spits nearly all of it into the sink before a familiar burn spreads down his throat, and runs both his hands through his hair. He's had so much of the stuff before, the taste had become vile. Still was, apparently. Blake decides it's a good thing. Getting drunk is not gonna change anything for him, it's only gonna make him more miserable and he's had enough of that for a lifetime.

It takes all of his determination to let his feelings be what they are. There's no good way to deal with them in LA. If anything, seeing Gwen on screen only fuels his resolve to keep it together until he can leave. She's shown him a way to work through difficult emotions that's been different than what he'd known. She was his beautiful living example that it could be done. Gwen would never know it now, but part of Blake holds on to the innate strength he's witnessed in her. It's all he's got left.

Two days later Blake finally gets to leave for Oklahoma.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meh :/ I know it's too short. It's still all I got before I'll be traveling for the rest of the week, so I decided to share rather than let it sit on my desktop for a week.  
> If you're reading anyway, thank you! XX


	18. Chapter 18

*

Once off the airport, Blake drives down to his ranch on autopilot where he blindly grabs the closest backpack and provisions, barely taking time to notice the new paint job throughout the house.

Next stop is his mother's place. She doesn't question why Blake has decided to come home from LA for long weekends in between taping and rehearsals. She's glad to see more of her son any chance there is. She also knows him well enough to recognize the drawn look hiding behind his smiles when he picks up Betty. She hugs him extra long.

Betty in turn is ecstatic to be reunited with Blake. She whines and wags her tail over-excitedly until Blake finally crouches down to her.

“Here girl, c'mere.”

It's her command to let go and Blake only protests in play when Betty licks his face and puts her paws upon his shoulders, her tail still wagging eagerly to show her dedication. She only stills once Blake rubs her down in earnest and runs his hands through her short fur extensively to reaffirm her of his love.

With another hug for his mom and a promise to be back in the evening, Blake and Betty take off.

The summer air is already humid, slowly accumulating more heaviness as Blake drives purposefully to their destination.

Once the pair finally enters the woods, Blake leaves all thought behind. Betty goes off to explore after every tantalizing scent and Blake begins to hike into the barely there trail. He trusts she'll know to follow him.

His body moves in a rhythm of its own, allowing his senses to focus only on each next step and the growing quiet around him. He can cover a lot of ground like this. He needs to, as well.

The world slows down when he is out here. It's a long way to go. There's nothing but trees, shrubs and dark, damp soil for miles. Unseen birds, trilling their life's dreams in secret song, keep him company. Blake only ever realizes after he comes back from the city how much he truly needs the stillness, the pureness of nature, to be himself.

Had he checked the forecast, he wouldn't be surprised by the beginning rain. Not that he really is after growing up outside more than inside. He simply didn't care to let it stop him. Fat drops now drum on parched leaves. When one reaches its green haven, another two follow in quick succession. Then three. Then four.

Blake keeps going for another hour, he's almost soaked. Betty follows him in meditative stride. She's finished her adventures, now more concerned with staying close to her human. The wind, too, has picked up, bringing with it low hanging clouds that cover the sky with promises of thunder and lightening. But then, it feels like Blake is carrying the same within. He and the weather – they're simply one - have been all afternoon.

His thighs and calves burn in exhaustion. He's out of breath, but pushes through the pain for another half mile. He's nearly where he needs to be, fighting his way through the last of the thick brush until he's finally coming out into a small clearing.

The old hunting blind is easy to find if you know where to look. Twice as tall as Blake, the structure is overgrown and withered with age, almost fully hidden by surrounding growth. It's dozens of years old. Any visible repairs look like they were from that time, too.

In midst of approaching thunder and lashing downpour Blake tests the sturdiness and deems it trustworthy before he climbs the few feet up to its entrance. He lifts Betty up with him after he fingers the simple locking mechanism open.

Inside, windows face to three sides of the woods. They seem intact but let in little light, faded as they are with dirt and old cobwebs. His eyes take a few seconds to adjust to the darker space. It hadn't changed, except for a heavy layer of dust everywhere and a few creeping vines covering the walls. It was still mostly dry, likely thanks to the heavy canopy overhead.

Kneeling in the small room, Blake pulls a camouflage tarp from the depth of his pack and rolls it onto the ground. Betty is happy to make herself at home when he pats the fabric and asks her to sit. He fills a makeshift bowl with her water and finds another piece of soft material to dry her off as best as he can. She had more than earned all of her treats today.

When Betty is taken care of, Blake sorts himself and ends up seated, his back against one wall, his legs only just able to stretch out. He's got a thermos with still warm coffee that puts some life back into his tired joints.

He didn't plan to, but he'll have to wait out the weather until next morning. Hiking back in the middle of the night is not a safe option. He's glad he had left the old sleeping bag at the bottom of his pack.

With the storm now fully raging outside, Blake stares through the nearest window into its sudden darkness for what feels like hours. Betty, eventually, falls asleep pressed to his side.   
  
When images of Gwen begin to fill his inner eye, and memories of her drown his heart once more, Blake no longer tries to hold back his feelings. Nature is already putting all of his emotions in front of him, the elements fighting his battle for him. All he's got to do is to acknowledge them for what they are. What they've always been when he's come up here.

He rummages in his pack for a camp light and a folded notebook.

When he finds both, Blake unleashes the force of his feelings in his own way. With the storm as his soundtrack, he's letting them run their course as words and phrases fill pages and pages until his fast scrawls turn into nearly finished lyrics and he's too spent to go on.

*

“Oh for the love of -! Blake Tollison Shelton!“

Exhausted and cold, Blake stands in his mother's doorway. A demure Betty beside him. They both know this tone.

“Where in the world have you been?!”

“Mom-”

“Disappearing without a word in that type of weather last night. You know better than to pull a stunt like that!”

“Mom...”

“Do you know how long we've been up waiting for you? Keeping dinner warm and calling your house every fifteen minutes.”

“ _Mom._ ”

His weary insistence allows him a small window to get a word in.

“ _I'm_ _sorry_. We went out and got caught in the storm. You know I wouldn't do anything stupid anymore. We were safe all along.”

“You better were.” Dot leaves the empty threat on its own and hugs her son with a relieved sigh. ”Come inside, Blake.”

Betty heads straight through to the living room and reclaims her favorite sleeping spot. Blake feels like doing the same once he stows his pack next to the door and takes off his outer layers.

With very little protest from his side, his mom sends him upstairs to take a shower. He makes it a long, steaming one that succeeds in releasing the stiffness from his body. When he comes down into the kitchen, he feels like a little boy again.

Dot has prepared two large bowls of porridge with melted butter and brown sugar. They wait next to plates of scrambled eggs, toast, crispy bacon, and two cups of hot chocolate. A perfect combination of breakfast and comfort food after an uncomfortable night. Perhaps cooked as much for herself as for him.

“Sit down, boy. You must have been starving.”

“Thanks mom, this is great.”

She comes to stand next to Blake and rubs his shoulders once he settles into a chair. His mom had calmed down a little while cooking.

“You want coffee, too?”

*

They eat in comfortable silence. The kitchen radio is tuned to a classic country station. It plays Blake's songs now and then. She wouldn't tell him, but Dot feels closer to her son when his music fills her house. Like she has a connection she can turn on at will. Never mind that she could simply call. Listening to him sing is a different matter altogether.

“I'm just gonna say, I'll always worry...”

Blake knows she does. He plans on making it up to her and offers his whereabouts as explanation as much as in apology.

“I've been to Richie's old blind.“

It still doesn't come easy to speak of his older brother in his mom's presence. It's probably never going to be. She doesn't say anything at first but pushes back her chair and begins to collect their dishes. It's her way of staying in the moment, rather than thinking, or worse, feeling back too much.

“We got there just when things began to get real bad so we had to spend the night.”

Blake pauses to let her get used to the idea. She refills his mug with the rest of hot chocolate.

“Is that why you came home between shows? To visit up there?”

“Hm.” Blake crumbles some leftover toast on his plate to distract himself as his mom makes several trips between table and sink.

“How long has it been?”

Blake is hesitant, but honest.

“Too long. But it still helps.”

“You were _writing_?” His mom stops by his side. Her voice is soft, filled with pleasant surprise.

“Started to...”

Dot moves to squeeze Blake's hand in response at his news. It's not so much what he is, or isn't saying. But the way he speaks, slowly and deliberately, lets her know there's a lot on his mind.

"You haven't in a long time..."

"Hm." Blake barely acknowledges this before changing the subject.

“How would you feel if I came back to Tish for good after this season has finished?”

“Is that what you want, honey?”

“No sure. Thinkin' about it.” He leans his head against her side as his mom's arm comes around to part his curls with her fingers, the gesture familiar and full of comfort to both of them.

“You already know I would love to see more of you here and at that ranch of yours. We've all missed you. But then, you've always followed your heart, right from when you moved to Nashville as a young man. That's how we raised you, and we'll always be proud of you. You keep doing what feels right for you, Blake, and never stop going after what'll make you happy. Just come visit us now and then."

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is still "only Blake", but we're so close to being back in LA. I thought of cutting this part and jumping right back, but simply couldn't, for various reasons. Thanks for your patience.

All in all, Blake spends two long weekends at home.

After breakfast on that first morning, he'd gotten a few more hours of sleep before his mom enlisted him to help in her garden.

The shed needed its roof checked, the well's pump kept getting clogged, and two new large garden beds required irrigation. His mom's list seemed ever growing, perhaps intentionally so.

Blake welcomes the distractions of simple manual labor. He sinks into them, stoically embracing every additional task as one more opportunity to do something helpful for someone else.

Every day he stayed busy was one more day he didn't feel completely useless, and one more day until he could see Gwen again. Even from afar, he would have to see her as part of the show. He doesn't know how he would act, if they'd even meet at all.

They probably wouldn't. He wasn't going to force it. But he does know he desperately wants to see her smile, if only from his coaching chair.

He'd made a pact with himself that night in Richie's blind. Not unlike the one he'd made there too many years ago, after his brother had died.

If Gwen was happy, Blake would let her and her boy go. He would somehow find something else meaningful to do after the season had finished, somewhere away from Los Angeles. Until he knew for sure, he would stay useful and give back to his family and community after a year in which he'd done nothing but retreat into himself.

*

The following weekend, Blake continues the same way on his own property. The prospects of the show's three month break after the Knockouts made prioritizing work easier and Blake considered what he might get done if he spent all his time working at the ranch.

So far his only plans were to play a few festivals, and to go fishing with Luke. Plenty of time left to put new plans into action.

He could clear up the garden beds now and mulch them until he came back. It would still be early enough then to put fast-growing fall greens into the ground.

He could also set up the stables, layer in hay and bedding. Put more essentials into the barn for storage, and prepare everything for maybe getting another horse or two in time.

Best of all, Betty could come back to live with him, if he spent the next months here.

Several ideas begin to take shape, helping him envision a future in which he might at least be comfortable and content enough, if not happy in the way his mom had wished for him.

His thoughts of Gwen remain a dull pain deep in the back of his chest. He continues to scrawl into his notebook, mostly at night, before they threaten to stab him into oblivion or when he keeps finding more groups of golden sunflowers gracefully stretching their beauty towards the sun. So far he hasn't read back to make sense of it all, but the book keeps filling up all the same.

*

Blake is due on an evening flight back to LA, two days before filming resumes. He has an early lunch at his mom's before. A hearty serving of roasted meatloaf with green beans on mashed potatoes and gravy, intended as her last attempt in sending him off well-fed.

She asks about the progress on his ranch while they eat but decidedly doesn't bring up Blake's impending return to the show more than necessary. During coffee, Dot excuses herself to answer a phone call in the living room and Blake hears his name mentioned several times as he cleans up after their meal.

“Honey, that was Carl. Brenda called him from the road and asks if you could come over to their place. She's on her way back from an auction down in Arlington. He says she's bringing home another rescue. They could use your help unloading.”

“How many is that this year?”

“The third, I think. I don't know how Carl still does it. Sometimes you'd think those animals were more important to Brenda than her own husband.”

“He knows her well, is all. They've been doing this since I was a boy, remember.”

Blake smiles fondly. He's been deeply impressed by his neighbors passion to take in animals in need, as long as he could think back. They had rubbed off on him for sure, else he would never have gotten Betty.

“I suppose so. I take it you're going then?”

“Definitely. Did Carl say what she's bringing?”

“Another horse, I believe.”

*

Blake pulls into Carl and Brenda's place just in time. The older man's already seated on the porch, a pitcher of iced lemonade and several glasses sitting beside him. He gets up just as Blake climbs the few steps to greet him.

“So good to see you, Blake. We're lucky you're around. I'm getting too old for some of this stuff.”

Carl claps his shoulders. Blake grins in response but is pleased all the same.

“Happy to come by. Let's see if I'll be useful.”

“I'm sure of it, boy.”

Brenda gets in a few minutes later, maneuvering her truck and the trailer in such a way that it's coming to a halt closely by the stables. From her window she waves a youthful hello to the men as they leave to porch, and jumps out of the vehicle so enthusiastically it defies her age.

For a small woman, she still gives surprisingly strong hugs, Blake thinks.

“Everything ready in there?” Brenda turns to her husband and nods towards the stables.

Carl has lost count of how many times they'd done this. He's got the routine down.

“First box on the left, darling.”

“Perfect.” She flashes him a smile and proceeds to the back of the trailer. “Let's see now, how our passenger is doing.”

*

Brenda carefully begins to open the back of the trailer, with Carl and Blake standing in calculated distance behind her.

Into view comes a young, disheveled palomino mare. Blake couldn't determine her breed on a first glance but he could tell that she wasn't in good shape.

What should have been a beautiful, light golden coat presented as dull and uneven, covered in remnants of half-healed whip marks on her back. She was thin, too thin, with all of her rib bones clearly visible. They were accentuated by what once must have been a fine, creme-white mane. Hanging unkempt over her neck, it was now dirty and matted beyond recognition. A faint white star sitting between big brown eyes seemed to be her only unblemished mark.

“Dear God, Brenda. What happened to her?” Unlike his friends, Blake hadn't been this close to a horse so obviously neglected before.

“The story is that she broke her leg about a year ago.”

Blake is surprised how different his neighbor comes across as she channels her anger into a hardened, distanced voice.

“Supposedly she lived outside full-time. Wouldn't let anyone come near her once the owners found out. Doesn't look like they tried very hard, if you ask me. They were certain they'd never be able to ride her like they wanted, even if she healed. They were going to put her down if nobody took her. So I brought her home. That was the easy part.”

“We're gonna file the report, honey. First thing in the morning.” Carl states this firmly as he moves to stand by his wife and gently pulls her into a side hug.

After a few moments, Brenda composes herself back into the soft-spoken, loving woman Blake knew.

“Now, Blake. This is where we need you. You think you could handle her?”

She needn't have asked. Blake nods decidedly and Brenda and Carl move to the trailer's side, giving him all the space he would need.

*

Blake is not surprised by what happens next.

The young mare is terrified.

As he approaches the vehicle, she whinnies and roars in panic, attempting to escape him by going up on her hind legs in quick succession, stopped only by the dimension of her confinement.

Blake in turn steps back and settles his mind into a place where all he feels is inexplicably calm.

He approaches the open trailer again, and stays there, his stance widened but soft, ready to meet its occupant on her own terms.

On his second try, her fearful brown eyes connect to his soul. They shine with terror and pain so imminent it almost hurts for Blake to breathe. He can't take any of it away just now. But he can show her he accepts her fears. He can stay there and be with her in his quiet presence until she allows his gaze to be on her long enough to sense that he's experienced something quite the same.

He won't hurt her, standing there the way he does. He wants nothing of the kind. Instead he begins to talk to her in low, soft tones.

He shows her how to calm down by doing it for her as much as he can. His still presence asks her to trust him in her own time. He's gonna be there with her when she's ready.

Blake spends over an hour talking her down as the mare becomes less and less agitated; slowly, consistently, barely changing his position.

At one point he stretches out his hand. The soft air blowing from her nostrils feels warm and moist against his skin. She shudders when he makes his first physical contact, but she stays still in tentative trust.

Eventually, she's ready to accept an apple from him.

Blake follows up with a bucket of water. She drinks thirstily and allows Blake to run his fingers across her head while she does.

When she has finished, she stands calmly before him. Watching him with a new kind of alertness, almost curiously.

Blake trusts is own instincts and finally loosens his positions. He steps into the trailer, as close to her as he can. She allows his proximity.

“Right, my girl. That's much better, isn't it.” Blake continues speaking to her in low murmurs and leans his cheek against her neck.

“None of this is your fault. They didn't treat you right, sweet girl. Of course you're scared.” He strokes her neck in long, gentle motions, and feels her relax under his palm.

After a few more minutes, Blake believes that she's ready and motions to Carl, who hands him a soft rope to lead her into the stable. They're certain she'll come with him now.

*

“Great job, you two. Really, amazing, Blake. I'm gonna call the vet now, and then we could try and wash her down somewhat. She'll need a lot of care.”

As Brenda goes into the house to make her call and wash up herself, Carl and Blake watch the young mare settle into her box.

“She's gonna be beautiful.” Blake sounds quiet and a bit hoarse, evidently not quite ready to come out of his experience.

“That she will be.” Carl agrees. “Shouldn't have any trouble finding a decent buyer for her once she's healed up and regained weight.”

“You gonna sell her?” Blake is surprised by the sudden cold in his chest. He doesn't like the idea, at all.

“Got to at some point. Even if I don't care for it. We can't afford to keep her for long, if I'm honest. The vet alone is unexpected this month.”

“How will Brenda feel?”

“Well, she's gonna hate it. But she knows our budget and that we do the best we can. She's glad for every animal we help to a new life, where ever that may be in the end. Though I have a feeling this one here will be hard to let go.“

The horse quietly lifts up her head in Blake's direction and snorts softly towards him. He holds her gentle gaze when she repeats the low sound, as if she knew they were talking about her and wanted to join in.

“How about you keep her here, and I'll take care of her upkeep and the vet. The blacksmith, too. Whatever she needs.”

Carl cocks his head and regards Blake from the side.

“You sure that's what you want, boy? Just like that?”

“Yeah.” He'd promised her, unspoken between the two of them, that he wouldn't let anyone else hurt her.

“Maybe sleep on in first?”

Blake shakes his head.

“No. She reminds me of someone. You keep her safe here. I'll come back to see her as soon as I can."

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna stick to the shorter but steady updates for now. Beware of cliffhanger. Proceed at your own risk :)

*

 

On his way from the arrivals gate to the car park, Blake switches his phone back on. Already he doesn't want to be back in this city that is too bright, even at night.

Strangely, he finds five missed calls from Adam. The fact his friend would call rather than text is unusual on it own. The number of attempts at this time don't seem to bode well.

Blake is not particularly in the mood to talk to anyone, the rawness of his afternoon still too present. Helping with the mare was supposed to have been a distraction, but he came away from the encounter unexpectedly exposed; his inner world again painfully alive and unguarded, not unlike the moment when he had first heard Gwen sing.

Now that he's here, he doesn't know how he's going to get through the following days, with her being so near, yet unmistakably out of reach. Triggered by the young horse, Gwen hadn't left his thoughts for all of the flight. All he still wants is to see her again; if only once, however briefly, and find that she's happy, right where she's supposed to be.

His mom used to say, he should be careful what he wished for. For it might come true, but far from how he'd hoped.

Either way, Blake hits re-dial. Adam picks up after two rings.

"Oh, goodness, Blake. Finally! I've been trying to reach you for hours!”

“Well, I just got off the plane. Isn't this a little late? What's up?“ Blake does nothing to disguise his current lack of energy but Adam seems to ignore it entirely. In turn he's more serious than Blake could have expected.

“Okay, listen. You've got to stay calm. I need you to come over to St. Josephs right away.”

Icy emptiness runs through Blake's stomach, as if he'd known instinctively that something must have happened. He slows his walk and tries to clear his mind.

“What's going on? Are Dusty and Behati okay? Why are you in the hospital?”

“They're fine.” Adam says and pauses, like he hates what's coming next.

“Gwen is not. She collapsed during rehearsal tonight.”

Blake turns deadly calm the instant Adam's news registers. He stops in his tracks. Unable to form thoughts for several moments.

“Blake! You still there?”

“Yea'” His drawl once more betrays his state of mind. It takes him longer to really think.

“She gonna be alright?”

“She's awake. We'll know more by the time you get here.”

Adam's expectation is clear yet Blake fights an inner battle in which he has to subdue his every instinct about what he wants to do. When he has made up his mind, he's more defeated than before leaving for Oklahoma.

“Look..., she wouldn't want me there. Call me the second you know anything. Doesn't matter what time.”

“The hell I will! I don't know what's gotten into you, but Gwen's son is here with us, they're both shaken up and there is no one else I can call. So you are going to come here, now!”

Adam displays a rare kind of no-nonsense clarity that leaves no doubt he's getting ready to kick Blake's ass.

Yet Blake also know this is how Adam deals when he's out of his depth. He silently thanks him for not holding back and providing all the incentive he needs to throw his made-up reasoning overboard.

He jogs to his car. It's what he wanted all along.

*

“Adam!”

Blake rushes through the hospital's entry area towards his friend.

“Where are they?”

“Man, finally.”

Adam greets him gratefully, with a worn sense of of anxiety showing though. All earlier feelings about Blake forgotten.

“We're this way.”

He leads Blake through the area full of people and down a hallway that ends before a row of elevators. It feels like forever until one opens for them to ascend and Blake bombards him with an endless array of questions all through their ride.

“What's going on right now?”

“They've been running a few tests. We were waiting for results when you called.”

“You heard from her doctor?”

Adam shakes his head. “Still waiting.”

“Where is Kingston.”

“With Gwen and a nurse. He didn't want to leave her side. I only met him today, he's a sweet little guy.”

“You bet he is.”

Blake pauses in thought of the young child he'd come to care about so unexpectedly.

“Why is he here though and not with her parents?”

“They're at a funeral. I talked to her mom earlier. She's wants to try and fly back tomorrow morning, but it'll be awhile before she gets here.“

Blake absorbs this in silent acknowledgment before he gathers himself.

“How is Gwen?” It's the first time he has actually said her name. Carefully, like she might vanish when he speaks it out loud.

Again, Adam shakes his head. “Not great.”

After two more hallways and several changes of direction, they reach a more private waiting area with patient rooms around the corner.

An elderly nurse is standing by and informs them that Gwen's doctor is now with her. She asks them to wait and promptly disappears into Gwen's room.

*

Blake is about to walk the hall with more impatience but Adams pulls him down to sit in one of the hospital chairs. Apparently, these weren't made for comfort.

“Cowboy, you need to know a few more things.”

Blake leans forward on his knees and clenches his fists. He doesn't think he can handle any more bad news, but what choice does he have.

“Go on...”

“When Gwen came in for rehearsal, I'm pretty sure she already had a fever. I guess she was trying not to show she wasn't feeling well. You know, like we've all done, when we needed to.”

“And with her little boy there...” Blake thinks along without finishing.

“Yeah. I swear man, I wish I would have notice earlier.”

”Noticed what exactly?” Blake's words come out a little sharper than intended.

“Just the way she spoke, and then we didn't even get through her vocal warm up. I asked her to stop when she kept choking up during transitions and missing simple pitches. She really didn't sound well. I don't know what else is going on, but we've seen this happen before. I think she's loosing her voice.”

*

Blake doesn't speak for the rest of their wait. He stews silently, forehead buried in his hand. He needs to see her, needs to know for himself if it might be true. It couldn't be. Not with Gwen. Not like this.

When suddenly a tall, female doctor rounds the corner and heads towards them, they both sit up straight. The doctor addresses Adam directly in emphatic but professional manner.

“Mr. Levine, Ms. Stefani has given me permission to inform you about her medical situation.“

“Are you sure that's correct? Neither of us are her family.”

“Generally we cannot give out personal information to anyone other than a family members. However, given these particular circumstances and as I understand the nature of your mentorship, it's appropriate you hear from me with Ms. Stefani's consent.”

Blake interrupts the formalities, unable to wait any longer. “How is she?” His heart hammers.

“Our first concern was to determine why Ms. Stefani collapsed. She's been considerably dehydrated but all other initial tests came back negative, which is a good thing. She's receiving fluids and electrolytes now and we want to keep her overnight to see her improve. She's also only suffered minor bruising from the incident itself.”

The doctor pauses before she goes on. Adam begins to relax slightly at the first bit of good news, but visible tension still holds Blake upright.

“Her overall presentation is a second concern. In addition to being dehydrated Ms. Stefani was admitted with a fever and prominent physical weakness. She has developed significant swelling and inflammation throughout her respiratory tracts which compromise her vocal cords. With this combination it is unclear at the time whether her vocal cords are over-strained and would require more long-term treatment or if the condition is part of an infection that's settled in her larynx. We're giving her anti-inflammatory medication and pain relief as first round of treatment. As soon as these are effective and Ms. Stefani has become more hydrated, we can be more specific. Either way, we advise she absolutely rest her voice as much as possible. We expect to know more in about 24 to 48 hours.”

She gives them a few moments to process. “Do you have any more questions at this time?”

“Wouldn't she have known earlier? How could we have missed this?” It's Blake asking instead of Adam.

“Well, beginning symptoms do vary. More often than not, patients miss early signs of strain or a simple cold, particularly when very stressed. They may inadvertently not eat or drink enough during lower levels of discomfort. In response, the body and immune system might weaken, which could make way to allow further infection. There's generally a number of factors that come info play for a situation like Ms. Stefani's. Her condition is serious enough at the moment, but she will make a full recovery in time.

“She won't be able to sing and perform the day after tomorrow.” It's Adam's realization formulated out loud.

“Even in a best-case type of scenario - no. Absolutely not.”

The doctor's beeper goes off and she checks it with a quick glance.

“I will be back to reassess Ms Stefani in morning rounds. You may go in to see her now.”

 *


	21. Chapter 21

*

Blake stands in front of Gwen's room with nervousness on the verge of making him sick. In crisis mode, Adam had gone to inform the producers and production crew of the latest developments, leaving Blake to see Gwen on his own. He has no way of knowing what to expect, but that's not going to stop him.

Blake knocks softly and waits a few moments. Then he opens the door to the inside of a dimly lit hospital room. His gaze immediately falls to the bed prominently occupying the space.

Gwen is curled together on her side, facing the doorway. Her eyes are half open and glassy, she's flushed with fever. An IV line is attached to her right hand. She remains motionless underneath the thin hospital blanket, even as Blake approaches her side. His throat clenches at the sight of Gwen appearing so incapacitated. Yet despite everything, she is the most beautiful sight to him.

“Blake... ,” she recognizes him with a hoarse, raspy whisper. It is so weak his insides twist. He's never heard her like this, it seems she is barely present.

Kingston sits by the end of her bed with a stony face, Bear clutched tightly in his hands, a child-sized comforter by his side. He has drawn his knees up to his chest, appearing even smaller than he is, rocking himself backwards and forward in minimal motion. Only when he hears Gwen and realizes who has come to see them, does he stop. His eyes widen silently.

Blake's eyes swerve desperately between the two of them before he makes a split-second decision. He doesn't take the time to ask Gwen if it's okay that he's here. Instead he crouches down in front of her son.

“Kingston..., hey, buddy. Come here to me, okay?”

" _Mr. Blake._ " King's young voice quivers and trembles with tired hope as his eyes show all the pain and fear he'd been holding inside. His rigid posture begins to soften. He barely hesitates in reaching for Blake and hugs him around the neck, his teddy abandoned for the moment. King's small arms seem to be holding on as tightly as they can.

“It's okay...” Blake murmurs to him and rubs his back calmly. “It's okay now. I've got you.”

King's small body shakes in relief as he clings to Blake. He begins to cry, as if he had only been waiting for a safe person all along. It's all Blake can do to tuck the boy softly but firmly into his embrace as Kingston hiccups and whimpers. Blake carries him in a tight hold and moves to sit into a visitor's chair where he takes his time to console the distressed child.

With unknown instincts kicking in, Blake murmurs to him and smooths his hand over King's head in slow motion, again and again.

“Something scary happened tonight, mh?” His voice is careful and gentle.

Kingston nods into his neck.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

Kingston tenses up and holds his breath, until Blake reassures him once more.

“Sh, it's okay, bub. You've been really brave. It's okay to be scared. It really is.”

It still takes King a few tries to recount the evening from his own perspective.

“Momma... momma fell down. An' now it hurts when she talks. The doctors... they took her away.”

Kingston meets his eyes with a look so forlorn it simply breaks Blake's heart. He tightens his hold on the boy.

“Can you make her better?”

The pleading whisper makes Blake feel even worse. God, he wished it were that simple.

“I'm gonna try, King, as much as I can. All of us grown-ups are going to help your momma, okay? The doctors and nurses are really, really smart. It's their job to help when someone gets sick.”

“I couldn't help.”

Another unhappy memory playing out across the young child's face.

“Sh, that's not true.” Blake guides Kingston's face to look at him. “You've been really brave tonight. You keep hugging your momma and tell her you love her. That's all you're supposed to do as long as you're a little boy, alright?”

He gets a minimal nod from King.

“Can I... can I stop being brave?” The begging question is barely audible.

“You can... of course you can, bub. I'm gonna be here now when you're scared. Your momma will feel better in a few days, you'll see. She's gonna be so proud, because you're her best little boy.”

Once more, raw relief threatens to overwhelm Kingston as he trembles in Blake's arms. Blake wishes fervently he'd be enough to comfort Kingston and presses a hidden kiss into his hair.

He doesn't know how long they stay like this. Blake continues his strokes on King's back without thought. Gwen appears to be sleeping, her eyes closed whenever Blake looks at her. Eventually, Kingston grows quiet against him.

“You ready to lie down with your momma?”

Kingston, it appears, badly wants to, but hesitates at the same time.

“Will you go away when we sleep?”

“No, buddy. I'm gonna stay right here with you two.”

“ 'kay.” He sounds exhausted. “But I need Bear. An' my blankie.”

With Kingston still in his arms, Blake stands up and picks up Bear first before he seats both of them next to Gwen. With Bear back in his possession, Kingston snuggles tightly against Gwen's body and her familiar scent. He sighs deeply when Blake tucks the small comforter around him and finally closes his eyes.

Blake pulls his chair nearer to their bedside when Gwen begins to stir. She opens her gaze to him. Deeply sad, brown eyes look directly into his, constricting Blake's heart as he searches for any remaining sign of familiar sparkle.

Gwen puts one arm around Kingston and hugs him close. Her other hand, the one with the IV line, stretches out towards Blake.

Blake takes Gwen's hand without thinking but is jolted by an inward shock at the weakness of her hold.

“ _Thank you..._ ” Gwen whispers roughly to him and tries to squeeze his hand. She keeps her eyes on him for as long as she can, unmistakeable moisture slowly collecting in them.

It's the first contact they've had in almost four weeks. Blake wouldn't dream of letting go. Instead he covers her fingers with his other hand and trails his thumb softly up and down her wrist.

Gwen sighs and closes her eyes again.

Blake settles himself so he can watch over both her and Kingston.

He waits for Adam.

*

 


	22. Chapter 22

Hours later, Gwen half wakes to the sounds of the night nurse leaving the room, the door behind her closing with a distinctive click.

When Gwen realizes where she is, she wishes she hadn't. Wishes, she wouldn't still find herself feeling as horrible as during the hours before. Bone-rattling chills mutely shake her body. Her muscles clench and she's unable to stay warm, even with Kingston curled up against her, snuffling in his sleep. Her throat still feels raw and swollen; pulsing in hot, stabbing pain every time she only swallows or tries to speak.

She hates this, even more because she has felt like this before. perhaps not exactly like this, but painfully raw, devastated and beyond exhausted all the same. She had been alone then. Her husband never able to, or interested, more honestly, in staying by her side throughout one of her miscarriages. She struggled each time to pick herself back up. But she had done it, leaving behind only the sense of hope that she would ever not be alone.

Deep down in her gut, Gwen is convinced she knows why she had taken a turn for the worse all of a sudden. She had come so close to seeing Blake in the Knockouts, not knowing if she could look at him, could even be in the same room with him, without crumbling down in misery.

It's evident her body no longer had the strength to go on like before and she is paying for it now. If she wasn't already sick, Gwen would be close to breaking under it all; everything she feels seems to have increased tenfold in intensity.

With the realization that all there is left is to endure the nightmare she has woken up to, lone tears pool in Gwen's eyes, rolling down her cheeks in slow succession until she can't hinder their silent flow.

Her single source of comfort is the weight of Blake's large hands, soft and slightly calloused, still holding on to hers. It didn't make sense that he was even here, yet she presses her palm against his with the small amount of strength she has, and tries to focus on the increased sensation.

In this moment it's everything, but not enough, not even close to help calm down her silent anguish, and Gwen shuts her eyes in defeat, locked back into the prison of her aching body _._

Seconds later, Gwen feels Blake's fingers withdraw and her heart whimpers wordlessly. Now she had lost this, too.

Like balm to her soul, the tired and familiar warmth of his worried drawl replaces her inner voice.

“Sh. Shh, Gwen. What is it?”

Unexpectedly, his cool, gentle fingers feel her forehead and bring momentary relief to her pounding head.

“Sweetheart, you're burning up.”

Once more Blake's hands draw away. It seems like they're gone forever. Gwen thinks she hears water running somewhere close. Moments later, she feels a damp washcloth on her face, carefully dabbing her tear-streaked cheeks before resting coolly on her forehead. Blake holds it there with light pressure while his other hand finds hers again and softly squeezes her fingers.

“It's alright, 's gonna be alright.” He murmurs quietly. “You'll feel better real soon.”

Gwen doesn't know how he sounds so certain, but she needs to believe him.

“You're... still here.” Still trembling she forces the words, despite the pain they cause. They come out in disbelief, far from the gratitude she had intended.

“I am. I'm gonna be here,” Blake whispers.

He doesn't add ' _for as long as you'll let me'_. Neither of them needs it right now.

“Don't talk anymore, go back to sleep.”

His thumbs keeps stroking the back of her hand along with his gentle instructions.

Gwen shakes her head silently into the semi darkness.

“I can't... I messed it all up.”

“No, shhh... don't worry. Everybody gets sick sometimes. It's just a show. You're so much more important.”

It's unbelievable how tender Blake's voice is, low and soothing, drawing out every feeling Gwen had tried to lock away.

In turn, Blake is not sure Gwen even knows what she's saying but it becomes clear she hadn't meant the show at all.

“'s still my fault. I pushed you away… so you wouldn't leave us.”

His insides clench, almost taking away his breath.

“I know. Shhh, sweetheart. _I know, I'm still here._ ”

He doesn't, in fact, know all details, yet it seemed extremely likely that Kingston hadn't been the only one to have been mistreated and abandoned in her former marriage. Bits and pieces of understanding had come to him in Oklahoma, instilling how unhelpful a move it truly had been to send Gwen to another team, when she had far more needed the opposite.

Blake moves his hand from Gwen's forehead to cradle the side of her face and slowly continues his murmurs, only darkness covering how vulnerable he is with his own truth.

“God, you have no idea how much I missed you, Gwen. I'm still here. I don't ever want to leave you like this again. All I want is for you to feel better.”

Gwen leans into this touch, soaking up every ray of affection from Blake's admission.

“I missed you, too.“ She clings to his hand, her voice almost too rough to bear. “So, so much.”

*

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This picks up right where we left off.

 

*

Once more, it is the depth of night that strips them to the core of the moment.

The truth is, Gwen simply won't stop shaking. She holds on to Blake's hand, tense and trembling throughout his gentle attempts to comfort her. When another wave of feverish shivers hits, she has no defense left but moans in half-hidden pain.

By her side, Blake is at a loss of what to do. He wants to hold her, desperately so, as every minutes watching her in pain tears him further apart.

He doubts she could even keep herself upright, so he leans in close and murmurs something quiet, praying that this time, too, he isn't wrong in following his instinct.

He aches in relief when Gwen doesn't protest.

Blake lets go of her hand and reaches across her shrunken frame to pull the thin blanket up and tightly around her shoulders. Gwen doesn't so much as shift in response.

Within seconds Blake makes his way around her bed, finds a place to sit in the tight space behind her, shrugs off his boots in the process and then stretches out and curls his own body against the length of Gwen's shivering form.

The instant Gwen whimpers and sinks back against his chest, it becomes clear, this was what they needed. Blake's thoughts stop when he slides his arm over Gwen's waist and draws her gently closer. She finds his palm with her own, pulling it up to her cheek and Blake drawls her name into her hair.

She melts into his chest instinctively.

His touch is safe, so safe always; a soothing home for countless raw nerve cells angrily fighting the invisible.

With him there, they begin to still, allowing Gwen to grow calm, her limbs heavy, as Blake encompasses her.

His warmth seeps into her skin, his heartbeat steadily drumming against her back, like they're one inside his embrace.

Her throat and head continue to pulse hotly, but the sensations don't own her any more.

She stops thinking about the pain. Stops thinking about anything else but Blake, and her son sprawled by her side.

Eventually, Gwen drifts back to sleep, a tiny seedling of hope she cannot yet name taking roots between the ashes and debris of her heart.

*

When Blake begins to wake, it takes him few moments to recollect where he is. He wants to keep his eyes closed for a second longer and remain with the feeling of Gwen delicately relaxed in his arms, but the unusual tickle of small fingers playfully tapping his skin draws him towards wakefulness.

When he lifts his head to figure out the origin of his distraction, he finds Kingston, shyly smiling at him.

“Mornin', buddy.” Blake yawns, fighting to keep his eyes open.

“Whatch'a doing?”

“You got some paint on your arm. It won't come off.”

Kingston sounds quietly curious and Blake chuckles.

“Uhm. Yeah. It's a special kind. Meant to stay there forever.”

“Oh.”

The boy regards him with quizzically wide eyes, causing a grin to take over Blake's expression.

 “You all done sleeping?”

Kingston nods softly but looks carefully from Blake to Gwen and then back to the grown man.

“Is momma better yet?” He asks tentatively.

 Blake untangles himself from his position and sits up, trying to ignore the newly protesting kinks in his overstretched muscles, while he thinks of a way to be positive. The mattress beneath dips a little, but not so much it disturbs Gwen. His chest feels colder now, empty without her warm curves spooned to him. He already misses her.

“A little, I think. She's gonna be sleeping a lot, that'll help best.”

Kingston nods again, seemingly understanding more than he should.

“But you'll be here. And we can be quiet, like a mouse.” He offers in a hopeful whisper.

“That's right. That's what we'll do,” Blake replies softly and reaches out to rub Kingston's back.

With him watching, Blake steps back into his boots and collects the dried-up washcloth from Gwen's pillow to run it under fresh water, squeezing out excess moisture in the process, before he gently replaces the folded fabric on Gwen's forehead. His fingers linger over her hair.

There was so little he could do, although he pretends otherwise for Kingston and himself. Blake doesn't want to remember how helpless he had felt mere hours ago.

In contrast to last night, Gwen appears to be truly resting. Her features seem softer, her breathing even and deep. The hot flush, too, seems gone for the moment, replaced by a lighter pink hue to her skin. Blake allows his gaze to travel over her unguarded features for longer than he should. He doesn't care though, he needs to make up for lost time.

When the boy then settles Bear next to his mother's head, Blake half smiles in recognition. They're in the same boat, it seems. In quiet unison they decide to bundle King's small blanket over Gwen's shoulders, like a warm hug from her son, replacing his own embrace.

*

“Mr. Blake...” Kingston worries his lower lip instead of finishing the sentence.

“Hm?” Blake regards him patiently, the boy's hesitation obvious. “I'm listenin'.”

Kingston hides his face, suddenly a little more shy than Blake has known him.

“I really need to go pee.” He finally reveals in low and quick succession.

It takes exactly two beats for Blake to focus on the new situation at hand.

“Alright, so. You need some help?”

He should be able to do this, Blake's inner voice reassure him. It's not like he doesn't know the mechanics.

Kingston shakes his head yes before he looks back up at Blake somewhat strained.

“It's not like home here.”

“That's okay. Don't worry, buddy, we'll manage. “

It's only a few steps to the connecting bathroom, presented in white tiles and standard hospital formation.

After closing the door, Blake runs his fingers through his hair while King shifts his weight from one leg to another. Then he crouches down in front of the boy.

“ 'kay, now, you gotta work with me. What would your momma do?”

“She just lifts me up to sit. And helps me wash my hands after.” Kingston explains matter-of-factly.

Well, Blake thinks to himself, that should be doable. He appreciates that King wears little sweat pants at least and he won't have to deal with miniature jeans and even tinier buttons for now.

They take care of business quickly and not for the first time that Blake feels a strong surge of protective energy for the innocent boy who so willingly puts his trust into him. It empowers him in a way he's not ready to think about. The experience remains as precious as it is intimidating.

"...over..., under..., inside..., out..., and all the fingers, too!”

Blake comes out of this thoughts and smiles at the little song that guides King's soapy hands to rub together.

“Here, lets dry you off.” Blake holds out the hand towel to Kingston who makes a thorough job of it.

“All done?”

Kingston beams at him.

“Yup. All done!”

*

“What do you think? Should we go and get some breakfast now?”

With King's torn expression it becomes clear the boy likely wants to leave his mother as little as Blake does.

“Your momma will be sleeping for sure until we're back. We'll be real quick.”

He's not sure how convincing he is, but it seems to do the job.

“Real quick.” Kingston agrees quietly and reaches out his arms to be lifted up by Blake.

In the hallway they tell a nurse where they're going, only in case Gwen did wake up.

*

The cafeteria has small cartons of cereal, milk and juice. Suited well enough to bring upstairs to their room and tie them over.

It's early enough for only a few people to be around. Blake is not particularly concerned with being recognized, interest in him generally declines with his miles away from Nashville. Still, they don't want to linger. He grabs a couple of extra sandwiches, a bag of nuts and some apples for later on. Then coffee, he desperately needs coffee to keep his head clear. Right now it's buzzing with too many though.

Kingston wants to know if Gwen could have breakfast, too, and Blake tells him she could, of course she could. Once she woke up, the nurse would bring something for Gwen that wouldn't hurt her throat.

The assurance seems to appease King.

Across from the elevators they also find the gift shop. Kingston pulls him over, momentarily distracted by the colorful displays. It turns out to be a good thing since Blake discovers they actually stock all sorts of necessities in midst balloons that are too bright and stuffed animals far from lifelike.

Without much thought, Blake collects three toothbrushes, one of them child-sized, as he comes across them. The next aisle has woman's products. He's definitely not good with these but eventually decides on a small bottle of deodorant, faintly scented like the sea, and a soft-looking brush in case Gwen might want either.

They're getting ready to go when Kingston surprises him and carefully tugs at his hand. The boy has a hopeful look on his face when Blake crouches down to his level.

“Can we get a gift for momma?”

“Sure thing. You find anything you think she'd like?”

Kingston nods lightly and point upwards behind Blake where a collection of elegant, flowery scarves is carefully draped. He had actually spotted the only items truly worth the shop's name.

“Ah, good going, King. She's gonna love whichever one you choose.”

Kingston beams with pride at Blake's approval. He beams even more when Blake reaches out and softly tousles through his hair.

“Now, you see something you'd like for yourself, bub?”

*

Few minutes later, Blake balances Kingston on his hip, with a paper bag containing most of their purchases hanging off his wrist, as he manages to hold on to his coffee. While they're waiting for the next elevator, King sinks his head onto Blake's shoulder, firmly clutching his newest treasure, a miniature baseball cap sporting a dinosaur logo, to his chest.

“You hugged momma in her sleep.”

“Well...,” Blake sounds a little hoarse suddenly. Without a way to divert King he might as well confirm the obvious, “yea', that’s right, buddy.”

It doesn't seem to phase Kingston though.

“She cuddles me, too, when I'm sick,” he explains innocently and smiles.

Blake tightens his hold on the boy, unexpectedly grateful.

*

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, I'm not able to update more frequently at the moment.  
> Thank you for reading and for being so patient.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long yet is still so short. I had intended to finally manage a proper update, but I'm with a new job and things have just been too crazy during the last few weeks. I so appreciate everybody who is still reading and leaving kind messages. You're much appreciated, as is your huge patience.

 

 

*

Feeling warm and heavy, Gwen is deeply nestled in the sphere of sleep that allows healing and peace.

Blake's palm has resumed its hold on the back of her hand. His touch is soft and ever present, a silent anchor to a world only their own. Occasionally, his thumb sweeps over the curve of her wrist, speaking to her without words.

With him by her side, Gwen drifts in and out of dream-like awareness for most of the morning. Her son's whispered chatter and Blake's responding drawl soothingly occupy the background of her surroundings as she floats between both worlds.

It's almost noon when a new nurse joins them and gently explains how Gwen had been given time to rest as much as the hospital's schedule would allow, but that she would now have to wake Gwen so her doctor could see her.

As much as he didn't like to leave, Blake opts to give Gwen privacy and gratefully accepts the nurse's directions to the hospital's playground after she had promised to inform Gwen where they would be.

Kingston climbs up to Gwen and leaves small pecks of good luck on her cheek while Blake softly squeezes her hand before they're gearing up to head outside.

Once Gwen is mostly awake and had learned about her son's whereabouts, she leans back into her pillows and allows the nurse to take her temperature and draw more blood.

The following examination is swift and precise. While Gwen's overall improvement remains small, her doctor is pleased that she had responded well to their initial course of action. She would continue to need a lot more rest and fluids, but her fever had lowered, her lungs remained clear and close inspection of her throat revealed the inflammation hadn't advanced. They would still rerun her blood-work during the afternoon, but already deemed her fit to be released into the care of her family physician with continuing treatment once she had completed the twenty-four hour observation requisite.

After a short yet tiring trip to freshen up, Gwen settles back into bed, feeling more like herself but with little strength left. The IV-line from her hand is gone, in its place a small bandage to protect her punctured skin. Her bedside table now holds two large bottles of orange colored electrolytes mix, she is supposed to drink all of it before going home.

When Blake and Kingston return, her son immediately cuddles into Gwen's lap and takes up all her attention. She hugs and kisses him quietly during his cheerful tales of swings and and monkey bars and impromptu ice cream. There's really only one person to thank for his momentary happiness.

It's the first time Gwen gets to fully look at Blake, who appears painfully uncertain, now that it's daylight and Gwen is no longer asleep. Hesitatingly, he stands by the door in worn jeans and a washed out cardinals hoodie, his baseball cap folded in his grip. She hasn't seen him this casually handsome before, yet it's everything about his stance and careful gaze that calls out to her.

Gwen leans down to Kingston and whispers a message to her son that he is most enthusiastic to share.

“Momma says she needs to hug you, too.”

He giggles at Blake and innocently waves him over as he scoots to the side.

It takes Blake only three long steps to close the space between them and sit on their bed. The instant he does, Gwen reaches up and tightens her arms around his neck. It's a long, silent embrace. Gwen has no words for all the things she means to express, yet finds she doesn't even need them as Blake holds her gently, one hand slowly tracing up and down her back. She closes her eyes and welcomes his light stubble on her cheek. With each moment her fingertips smooth through the curls at the back of his head, she can sense Blake relaxing more and more in her arms. Only then does Gwen allow herself to lean fully against his broad chest, savoring the intimate sensation she had thought lost.

“You feelin' any better?”

Blake sounds rough and careful still, much like Gwen's own marred voice.

“A little.”

She speaks softly, omitting how much his affection and warm strength were what she had needed all along.

“They want to release me in a few hours. The nurse said my mom is on her way to pick us up.”

“Right. Adam's in touch with her. That's real good news.”

Blake draws back slightly and meets Gwen's tired eyes with a searching little-boy-look of his own.

“I'd really like to stay with Kingston and you until she's here. That still alright?”

He finishes on a whisper, aware that their brief conversation during the night had been deeply emotional, but not one where he had truly asked. She might still want him to leave now.

Wordlessly Gwen pulls him back into her hug and hums against his neck. Blake sighs and buries his nose in her shoulder, engulfed in Gwen's unguarded need to be close to him. It's all the affirmation he needs.

A few minutes later, a nurse knocks with Gwen's lunch tray and unknowingly interrupts their moment.

*

The boys have their sandwiches and various snacks while Gwen manages a few spoonfuls of vegetable broth and exactly two bites of funny looking green jello. She is too tired to continue then. Kingston, too, is worn out, unable to hide his yawns. He climbs back into bed with little prompting and goes down for a nap with Bear in his hold. Gwen follows him quickly.

In the end, all three of them nap on her bed, when Blake eventually succumbs to his own lack of sleep. Still in a chair, his upper body is resting next to Gwen, one arm pillowing his head on her sheets, the other loosely slung around Kingston. Gwen's small hand has found its way to the back of his neck where he can sense it moving up and down with every inhale and exhale of her breath.

*

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. Yes, plotwise we will actually move out of the hospital next chapter ;)


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been working on this particual bit for quite a while. So happy it finally came together. Thank you for the kind comments and well-wishes on the last update. I loved that motivation. You made my day :)

 

 

*

The buzzing of his phone wakes Blake up. He needs a second to orient himself before he can grab the device. It displays Adam's number. His friend, thank goodness, is smart enough not to hang up until Blake can take the call outside so he won't disturb Gwen and Kingston.

He returns a little later to find Gwen awake nonetheless. She is leaning upright against her pillows, taking long, slow sips through a straw. As Blake sits down beside her, repositioning the chair closely to her bed, Gwen places the glass back on the table, her clear, questioning gaze incentive enough.

“That was Adam. He's holding down the fort."

Gwen nods with a strained half-smile.

“You need to go back?”

“Not for a while. He said your mom's just landed. She's going to be here in about an hour.”

“But you're missing things you're supposed to be doing?”

Her somber insistence is more of a rasp as speaking remains painful. Half of Gwen's words come out as sandpaper whispers, yet with Blake next to her, smiling and caring like nothing had happened, it becomes manageable to ignore the strong discomfort.

Blake responds with a minimal shake of his head. His face softens, like the thought hadn't even crossed his mind. He focuses right on her dark amber irises, warmth filling his voice.

“I'm exactly where I need to be. Luke's happy to be filling in. He's been dying for a chance to replace me as coach, you know.”

The light joke is enough to draw a shy smile on Gwen's feature, yet her skin remains flushed, like she's pleased but slightly overwhelmed.

“There's more good news,” Blake goes on. “The studio wants to make sure you know they will cover your medical costs.”

At Gwen's unbelieving expression he continues to explain.

“When you passed out on studio grounds, their healthcare policy for all participants signed to the show activated. The insurance should be mentioned somewhere in your contract.”

A vague recollection dawns on Gwen's face.

“My hospital bill?”

“It'll be fully covered. Absolutely.”

The unexpected relief that washes over Gwen is a pleasure to witness and Blake scolds himself that he hadn't thought to mentioned this earlier. Gwen had not been the first singer to require medical attention and proceedings are standard, even if Adam made sure to confirm them.

“Don't worry about any of that anymore. It's all taken care of.”

“Okay,” Gwen whispers and sinks more deeply into her pillows. Her eyes, now with a renewed shine, never leave the contours of Blake's face.

“I saved the best for last.”

Gwen studies him patiently, at a loss to what he could mean, even though the hopeful tone has Blake's dimples appear in line with a wide blue-eyed smile.

“The producers are prepared to extend filming by another day. They've also agreed to move your Knockout slot from tomorrow to be the last performance on that Friday instead.”

Magically, Gwen begins to light up.

“I... What do you mean? How is that possible?”

“There's some flexibility with the schedule until we hit the live shows. We truly want you to stay on, Gwen. We're gonna do what we can to make it happen.”

“You're serious? It's not all over? I could still perform?”

Gwen sounds unbelieving, half smiling, half tearing up at the same time. She grasps Blake's arm with painful hope written all over her face.

"It's not over." Blake covers her hand with his own, the other slowly reaching up to stroke her cheek as he leans in closer.

“Before we start filming tomorrow, they'd like you to meet with the studio doctor. He would resume your care. It would still be up to him to clear you for any stage work. But we got you more time to get there.”

“Three and a half more days...,” Gwen whispers, her gaze locking with Blake's. With her free hand, Gwen feels her throat and breathes heavily, as if to sense its dormant potential. She does nothing to hide the sheen of moisture glossing her eyes as she leans into Blake's palm.

 

*

 

When Patti arrives at her daughter's room, she opens the door quietly, only to enter a scene in which its occupants seem encompassed in a bubble of their own.

She can see Gwen curled up on her side, dozing peacefully by the way her chest rises and falls in gentle rhythm. Her daughter is facing towards Kingston who is engrossed with a phone in his little hands and a certain country coach by his side, both trying to make out what was happening on the small screen.

“His name is Shaggy. And that's Scooby-Doo, look!”

“Well buddy, he's got funny hair.”

“Yup. And he walks funny.”

Knocking softly, Patti announces herself with a warm smile.

“Well, hello there, you two.”

“Grandma!” Kingston exclaims and jumps up. “You're here, you're here!”

She scoops up Kingston, her love for the child evident in every gesture.

“I missed you, my sweet boy. How are you?”

“Can we go home?” Kingston mumbles in unexpected reply, his small fingers now worrying the little baseball cap he had been wearing proudly. Once more it becomes clear that despite all attention and distraction from Blake, the overall situation was not a pleasant one for him.“

“We will, I promise. As soon as the doctors say it's okay.”

“Momma's still sick. And she's real tired. But she smiles when I give her hugs and Mr. Blake holds her hand.”

“That's sounds like you're both doing a fabulous job.”

With another warm laugh Patti keeps Kingston on her hip and introduces herself to Blake.

Although she would have wished for different circumstances, she had been looking forward to meeting the man in person after she had heard so much about him. So far she had only seen him on TV and from afar during Gwen's performances.

Blake insisted she call him by his first name with a down to earth and kind demeanor. It reflected wholly in the way he then filled her in about Gwen and how she had been doing.

Few minutes later, with Kingston snuggling Bear and Blake volunteering to find one of the nurses, Patti sits at Gwen's bedside and gently runs her hands through her daughter's hair, like she had done countless times before.

No parent wanted to receive the news their child was in a hospital. She certainly wasn't an exception.

“Mom...”

“I'm here, Gwenny. I came as quickly as I could.”

“I'm sorry.”

“What ever for, darling?”

“You worrying. Making you rush back.”

“Oh love. It's all in God's plan. I'm just so glad you're gonna be alright. Your dad's staying to help Sarah for a few more days. You and King will be coming home with me, okay?

Gwen sighs with relief as she pushes herself up and tightly embraces her mom.

 

*

 

It doesn't take long to get Gwen's release forms in order and Patti begins to collect their belongings after she had made sure that Gwen would finish all of her drink. Then she suggests to take Kingston and bring their car to the designated parking zone for departing patients so Gwen would have less of a walk.

“Now, will you go and say goodbye to Mr. Blake please, Kingston?” Patty gently directs her grandson.

King doesn't need much prompting. When the tall singer kneels down to his level, the young boy slings his arms around Blake's neck without hesitation and gives him a tight squeeze.

“Thank you, Mr. Blake. I wanna go home. But I don't like saying goodbye.”

“Me neither, buddy. You're a great little boy. So remember, we'll still be friends, even when you don't see me.“

“Pinky swear?”

“You bet!”

Blake grins and interlocks his right hand's last digit with Kingston's tiny version until the boy giggles in equal vigor.

With King skipping off, holding on to his grandma and Bear tucked under his arm, Blake realizes he is now facing a different kind of goodbye.

Gwen sits at the end of her bed. She is dressed back in jeans and a light, long sleeved shirt. Her blonde hair brushed out, falling down over her shoulder.

She is still pale but with new energy settled in her whole posture. She's not looking at Blake though, possibly as aware as him of the last time they had been alone together. Instead she is looking down at her lap, where she holds a small parcel, and lightly traces the wrapping paper.

“Kingston gave this to me,“ she finally breaks the silence and lifts her head. “He says you helped him get it.”

“Perhaps,” Blake offers quietly with a half smile. “You gonna open it?”

When Gwen does and folds the paper apart, she needs only seconds to recognize what she is holding, and smoothes over the delicate fabric tenderly.

“I love it. Thank you, Blake.”

“I told King you would.”

The warmth that had never left his voice tells her he is pleased. Gwen holds out her hands to spread the scarf and appreciate the intricate design.

“Are you sure you had nothing to do with this?”

“Nope. All Kingston's work.”

Blake takes the few steps to close their distance and cradles it with his hands. “Here, let me.”

He loops the fine garment around Gwen's neck and drapes the ends gently over her shoulder. Not as skilled as a woman's handiwork perhaps, but equally as careful.

“There,” he pauses as his southern accent makes its reappearance. “It's real beautiful on you.”

Gwen wants to mold herself back into Blake's embrace, but for once she stops and doesn't. Instead she moves to stand closely, too closely perhaps, trustingly facing upwards to find that his blue eyes still follow her like she's the only person in the world. It's enough to make her dizzy. Blake's palm finds her wrist as if to steady her, his fingertips trailing minimally along her arm.

“So, we'll send you a car tomorrow.”

He had to say something. Anything.

“Do you think... I mean, are you...,”

Gwen's voice is barely audible as she struggles to find the right words.

“Would you be there? For my appointment?”

Blake looks like he couldn't fathom why she would need to ask. In a million years he wouldn't want to stay away.

“I will. Of course I will,” he promises roughly. But then he pauses. “You want me to?”

Gwen nods and quietly insists.

“I'm so sorry I hurt you.”

Blake's palm stills, the painful night deeply etched in his memory alongside everything else he knew about Gwen.

“Thank you. I understood though. Still do. Please don't apologize for what you're feeling, not to me.”

“I _need_ to. You're so good to us every moment we're with you, but you don't even seem to know.”

It takes her a long time to go on.

“I got too scared.”

More silence fills the small space before Gwen continues in a whisper, her gaze never wavering from Blake's.

“I still am. But I missed you more. Please, be there.”

This time it is Blake being at a loss for words. His lungs soften as parts of him begin to hum with new life. He had truly thought them broken.

Later, much later, he wants to, needs to, tell Gwen about his fears, owing an apology of his own.

But right now, all he can do is draw her lithe form to his chest without thinking, tucking her safely under his chin, and will the world to stop turning. He feels her breath, a slight hiccup against his shoulder, Gwen's arms firmly wrapping around his waist.

Blake sighs with low vibration, followed by the whisper of a feathery kiss belonging to her hairline.

She came back to him.

Raw and hesitant, with no guards in place.

But she came back.

  
 

*

 

Much later in the evening, still in a trance, Blake had gone home after he had finished with his obligations at the studio. Gwen hadn't left his thoughts the entire time. Instead of heading straight to bed, he sits back down in front of his flat-screen and re-watches Gwen's audition and her Battle performance. This time he was not about to let her voice send him into misery. But he is focusing on her, again and again, and discovering a new sort of potential, one that hadn't been as obvious as Gwen's other strengths.

He then talks to Adam, their call beginning with a simple idea and ending somewhere deeply personal, similar to the long conversations they had had when Blake had only just begun to talk about his divorce.

Finally, he spends most of the night with his guitar in his lap, fingers gliding and picking over its strings to an old but familiar melody he hadn't played in over twenty years.

*

 

 

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially, I had planned for this to be part of a bigger chapter, but I'm home sick the second weekend in a month, so I'm posting this first half to have at least 'some' feeling of accomplishment and to cheer myself up.  
> Thank you for reading.

*

Tuesday

*

"Okay, Gwen. Keep your head straight for me."

Dr. Hayes palpates the lymph nodes beneath her jaw for a final time before he takes off his gloves.

"Thank you. We're almost done."

The young doctor smiles with encouragement.

"On a scale from zero to ten, with ten being the best, how are you feeling overall?"

Gwen takes her time, concentration on her face.

"About five, I guess."

The doctor hums in acknowledgment as he makes a note in her chart.

"How about just your throat?"

"Five to six. Better than a few days ago."

"You're also continuing the medication from the hospital's prescription, correct?"

"Yes. And my mom keeps making this herbal tea," Gwen points to the thermos looking out of her bag where an infusion of ginger, sage and honey is keeping warm, "It's helping, too."

"I like the sound of that. Alright, I think we're about finished in here. Why don't you join your group outside when you're ready. I will be with you shortly."

He smiles again and gives her privacy to change out of the examination gown.

*

A few minutes later, Gwen joins Adam, Blake, and Sandra, one of the head producers.

Far from a regular doctor's office, the waiting room is spacious and naturally lit, carrying as much musical memorabilia as the rest of the studio. All three are situated with coffee mugs and schedules in front of them. Gwen finds a free seat next to Adam in one of several dark brown couches.

For a moment, she then lingers on the missed opportunity of not being able to sit next to Blake, but resolves herself to the fact that it seems more appropriate for her to be with her coach. The upside is that Blake and Sandra occupy the seating directly opposite her, leaving her free to watch the country singer without being too obvious.

Although Blake doesn't seem to have slept much, he is here with everyone else, as promised. He still manages to look good; freshly shaven, with a black shirt in preparation for filming, and clear blue eyes that never shy away when Gwen sneaks a long glance at him. Instead he meets her worried expression with a hopeful, tender smile every time. It turns even wider once he realizes she is wearing a scarf he knows. Unobtrusively, Blake then runs his fingers along his own throat, a small wink, together with his dimples, acknowledging he had noticed her choice of accessory.

Gwen blushes, the light warmth settling into her cheeks far from feverish heat. She truly had loved the fine garment at first sight. Now it holds the added memory of Blake's fingertips grazing her shoulder, the back of his hand brushing against her hair as he had loosely wound it around her neck. She hadn't taken it off since, prepared to convince anyone it helped her voice feel protected.

Adam draws her into low conversation then and it isn't long until Mark Hayes joins them with a stack of paperwork under his arm.

*

As a charming, good looking doctor from California, he wouldn't be out of place in the latest Netflix medical drama, yet his young looks defy the years he's been in his profession. Rather, he displays the image of a music enthusiast who had combined this first passion with a knack for diagnosing and treating all types of musical performers, in consequence developing a well-rounded specialty at a rather young age. He's been with the studio for general consulting and their case by case needs since Season 3, thereby deeply familiar with all routines, and regularly invested in the show's outcome.

Sandra offers him a fresh cup of coffee and invites him to take over.

“Here you go. Thanks for making this possible on such short notice, Mark.”

"My Pleasure. It's what I'm here for. To begin, let me get through the formalities. We're here to evaluate the state of Gwen's health and, more specifically, her voice. With her agreement I am going to go ahead and share her results and my opinion. Please be advised this is still confidential information and not to be distributed outside this office, unless there's a need to know situation." He points to Sandra, thinking of fellow producers and studio officials.

Mark addresses Gwen as much as the rest of the group, aiming to including her in the conversation, even as he's talking about her.

"Let's go with the status quo first. As of now, Gwen has been free of a fever for more than twenty-four hours. Her hydration levels have almost normalized and so have her electrolytes. Her markers for an infection ares till significantly elevated, but slightly lower than in her records from the hospital. Her vocal cords in particular are affected by localized inflammation and swelling, but they don't appear compromised beyond that."

“Then what's your prognosis, doc?” Adam is getting restless

"All of these are very good signs. I'm confident the infection is under control and Gwen will make a full recovery with adequate rest. However, I presume you've already been given this perspective by her previous physician. So let's get down to your plans for the rest of the week. To be honest, this is where I am concerned and very hesitant to give you any green lights."

He turns to Adam and Blake.

"You're both experienced coaches and performers. Even if Gwen keeps improving like she has, any continued strain on her vocal cords might result in serious long term effects on her voice, unless she gets a chance to heal properly."

"Which is your way of saying it's not going to happen." Sandra, straight forward as she is, doesn't shy away from hard reality.

Mark faces the group before he settles directly on Gwen.

"I'm saying, with the objective of preserving your longtime health, considering your vocal style and the nature of your performance, it would be against my medical advice that you prepare for and go through a taping this soon. I'm sorry for the bad news.

Gwen knows he means it. He knows what he's talking about, and he cares. That makes it only harder to hear.

She looks towards the ground, unable to witness the disappointment that surely would be written on everyone's face.

Silence fills room.

But only until Adam interrupts the uncomfortable moment.

"So let's go and change the arrangement."

Gwen turns to his side in disbelief. So does Sandra.

"What do you mean?" The doctor sounds intrigued.

"Gwen's health has got to be number one priority, no question about it. But you just said it, doc. We're almost all singers here. It's torture not being able to do a gig when this is her only chance. If too much strain on Gwen's vocal cords is your main concern, there's ways to minimize that. We'll rework her song choice. We slow it down, soften the whole thing up, adjust the melody where it needs toning down. We can turn her style into the complete opposite for a night, so vocally, she'd use a lot less energy. Don't tell me that wouldn't make for a good story, guys."

Stubborn and determined, Adam is on a roll. Next to him, Gwen is close to holding her breath, wide-eyed.

"Until Friday, Gwen rests as much as she can. She won't do any additional filming. No interviews, no promo shoots. We'll keep sending her cars for all her trips here. The whole shebang with all other preparation can be kept to a minimum."

He doesn't sound like he wants to give up. His whole body language dares anyone to find a flaw in his plan as he waits for opposition.

"Mark?" Sandra withholds her judgment for the moment.

"Well. In general, I get where you're coming from. I don't dislike your thinking, it _could_ be a way. But if I agreed now, I'd still want to see Gwen Friday morning for my final decision."

"Excellent, doc! We can work with that."

Adam is gleefully excited. That is, until Sandra counters.

"Reinterpreting a song this shortly before the show is quite risky. There's no leeway, even with the taping. You wouldn't have a lot of time to work on it."

"Adam and I can have the new version ready tomorrow morning. If anyone could do this, it would be Gwen."

It's the first time Blake speaks. His warm voice blends through the room with unwavering certainty.

"She's been incredibly well-prepared for all her rehearsals. She'll know this song inside out, both original and her current version. Any new adjustments she'll pick up fast, I can vouch for that. Gwen also knows the studio, our stage and all the preliminaries. Mix that with her previous performing experience and there isn't a single reason to doubt her. She can absolutely do this."

It's the biggest vote of confidence Blake could give her, while marking this new idea as one he and Adam had already decided on, both of them waiting only for the right moment to introduce it.

"What do you think, Gwen? This should be up to you." Sandra has the last word.

Softly, determined, Gwen grasps the chance that is left for the song she loves.

"I want to do it, any way I can."

She hadn't been sure she would be able to. She is now, Blake's words erasing all her insecurities.

 

*

Blake finds her gaze on him a few seconds later. He's proud and anxious for her at the same time. As much as he wants this plan to work for Gwen, it wasn't going to be easy, not for him. He's grateful she doesn't question his involvement. With his background, it's implied that he would help out. He's done it before, as have the other coaches. Either way, he'd still want to be part of every step Gwen took on the show. He meets her shining eyes for a long time. Her renewed smile is worth everything coming up.

Mark is quick to set another appointment for Friday. He then excuses himself to join Sandra in another production round-up before taping will begin.

After sharing some details about what he and Blake had planned, and insisting that she be careful with her voice, Adam, too, is swiftly on his feet to join his team members in their preparation.

He gives Gwen a once over with an encouraging, hyped up grin.

"Take care of yourself at home, Gwen. I'll have someone get a car for you. Should be ten, fifteen minutes, tops. You coming downstairs, Blake?"

Blake had gotten up, as well, but shakes his head.

"Once her ride is here. You go ahead."

Adam smirks good-naturedly and waves his goodbye.

When Adam is truly gone, Blake moves to take his friend's seat. In the process Gwen shifts slightly to face him. Her knees now grazing the side of his leg.

"You don't have to wait with me when they need you somewhere else," she says softly.

Now that they've decided on a new course of action, some of her previous tension and energy has left Gwen. Beneath her put together appearance, Blake can make out some of her remaining tiredness, and her need for quiet taking over.

"A few more minutes are nothing to worry about just yet."

He's right in that. Especially since any time alone with Gwen, and knowing she's getting home safely, will make all the difference for him. He's just got to stop being nervous when she looks at him like that, still glowing, like he's just turned her world upside down. There's no right or wrong, Blake reminds himself. He's managed so far without making a fool of himself.

"How's Kingston?"

Her little boy is always a safe topic.

"Good now, really happy to be with my mom. He talks about you all the time, though." Gwen smiles. "I'm supposed to say hi for him."

"I'm glad. Tell him hi back, please."

She hesitates at that.

"You could tell him yourself. Like, if you wanted, I mean. I didn't have the heart to wake him when I left this morning, but he should be up now. I promised I'd call on my way back."

Blake agrees quickly with a sensation he still doesn't recognize warming his stomach. It's like she's crossing another invisible line between them, stepping over to take him back with her into their lives.

Instead of calling, Gwen decides to face-time home, and in the process scoots closer to Blake. He leans back for a second and extends his right arm along her shoulders. His hand falls lightly beside her upper arm and they wait for Gwen's mom to pick up.

As soon as Patti then calls for Kingston, Gwen hands her phone over to Blake and leans into his side when King appears on the screen.

What follows is quick exchange that leaves Kingston squealing and rambling in excitement while Blake grins widely until the boy sends them a cheery goodbye.

"He really likes you," Gwen says quietly as Blake hands her phone back. His body heat flows through her. Inwardly, she's so ready to sink against his shoulder and close her eyes.

Blake hums in quiet appreciation. He didn't need to voice his reciprocation of the boys' feelings. His affection had been more than evident the days before.

"You know what he said last night?" Gwen looks down for a moment, as if trying to decide whether to go on. Then she seems to have made up her mind.

"He said you always help us, and you make us laugh, and you give great hugs. And he thinks that you need friends, too."

She finishes on a low tone as she looks up and meets his face again.

"Oh, Gwen."

Equally low, the way Blake speaks her name is another single drawn-out caress. His hand moves to cup her elbow, lightly stroking along her shirt's fabric as he sinks into her careful brown eyes. He may have no right to wish for it, but he cannot help and wonder what it would be like to kiss her again. Part of him craves to know whether her lips are still mesmerizingly soft, the feel of her hair still smooth and glossy between his finger.

It takes every amount of conscious willpower not to go there, even in his thoughts. The ball's not in his court, he believes. Even if it were, she's still recovering and focused on probably so many other things than him.

It's not the right time. He's good at waiting.

"What do _you_ think?" he asks instead.

"That he's way smarter than me."

Gwen's voice is laced with painful realization.

"He's always known you weren't going to hurt him," she whispers, as if ashamed she had doubted Blake.

Blake shakes his head softly, deliberately. "No. Never intentionally."

Nor would he hurt her, if he could help it.

Except, he already had.

"I never should've sent you off to Adam's team the way I did. I wish I hadn't done it."

Gwen's expression softens at the sound of his regret. She half turns and tucks herself against his chest.

"You just wanted me to do well."

She repeats his reasoning with pure acceptance.

"Still wasn't right. 'Cause you had no say in it and I wasn't thinking."

He had been distracted, yes. But she was the best thing that had happened to him, and he'd given her a promise when she had first chosen him as her coach. He won't make the same mistake twice, not when there's the slightest chance to undo what he's done.

"Come back to my team," he murmurs pleadingly against her temple. "Let me make up for all of that."

"What about Adam?"

"I'll talk to him. We'll find a way."

The quiet determination in his voice sends goosebumps down Gwen's back. Blake feels her shivering, softly tightening his hold.

It is more of a shock to feel Gwen stretch up in his arms, her small hands holding on to his face.

"Yes," she hums with a slight gasps against his lips.

Then she leans in to cover them with her own.

Like warm clouds spun out of silk, all of her feel so much softer than he had remembered.

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all well-wishes. Feeling much better now.  
> This part is still going slow but sweet all the same, I hope you enjoy reading.  
> (In case you'd like to go back, I've also added slightly more depth to the last chapter's ending. It didn't feel quite complete before.)

 

*

Blake spends the following hours in a dreamlike state. The show demands all his attention and he's more than willing to give it, but every second he is free to let his mind wander, he spends it smiling, reliving the pure sweetness that was all Gwen.

Slowly, intentionally, her kiss lasted only a few seconds, yet long enough for Blake to respond. Gwen had dropped the idea of any line, it seemed. Instead, she was meeting him on clear ground with a chaste welcome that was entirely her own.

Quietly gasping, they had broken apart, and born between the softness of her skin and his pounding heart, was a glimpse of what it would be like to be completely hers.

Gwen didn't pull away when he feathered his thumb over her lower lip, grazing her skin with wonder and disbelief about how precious she was.

Wide-eyed, her gaze became fragile, surprisingly alarmed by the unmistakable intimacy his light touch evoked.

Underneath, a sudden dark flash appeared and disappeared so quickly, Blake could barely be sure of it.

He didn't ask for more then, not that he would anyway. It was more natural to keep stroking up and down Gwen's back until she relaxed against his chest.

She had let him see for himself, had allowed this truly scared part of her to meet him, as well. But it hadn't stopped her from reaching her arms around his middle and leaning into him.

*

As the morning passes, both Blake and Adam have one pairing of contestants on stage. Pharell's team is up next, followed by Alicia's singers.

When it's finally time for a longer break, one that would allow the coaches to leave the set for a good half an hour, Blake finds Adam instantly.

Their conversation is quick, private, and to the point.

"I need Gwen to come back to my team," is all Blake says.

He is prepared to be met with disbelief, laughter and straight out refusal, but his friend's reaction could have been a lot worse.

Even though he's not really surprised, Adam doesn't like it, of course he doesn't. He still believes Gwen is amazing. He loves working with her and begs off more time, not about to give her up right away.

"Look, I'm not saying no. Let's just talk about this when Gwen is here tomorrow. And do me a favor, will you. Actually read your contract for a change."

But Blake doesn't want to wait and he doesn't want to read formalities about steals and re-steals, drafted by someone who has never been in a similar situation.

Deciding silently, Blake plays the one trump he had meant to bring up only if necessary.

"You owe me," he simply continues, his voice a lower, heavy tone. "You know why, Adam. You're one of my best friends. For the love of God, don't make me beg."

Because, yes, he would have begged if all else failed.

In the end, extremely grudgingly, Adam caves. As much as he loved playing up his competitive personality, he's no longer interested in winning just to have the upper hand. They've both been on the show long enough to have set their boundaries and to know when real life overruled TV. He still doesn't like it, but he agrees to let Gwen go, so Blake could steal her back.

*

Taping lasts until nearly 6 pm that day. Adam is going home almost straight away to have dinner with Behati and help put Dusty to bed before he'll return at around 8.

This domestic side to him is still fairly new. A year ago, Blake would envy him the routine and his real family to actually go home to at night.

Sometimes, the feeling still creeps up on him, however unwelcome, but tonight all of his thoughts stay on Gwen.

Blake takes his time talking to his remaining contestants and then grabs a meal and another cup of coffee from catering before he retreats to his trailer.

Absentmindedly he picks at his food, while simultaneously focusing on Gwen's song. He's got the sheet music in front of him, not that he really needs it, and begins to mark parts and passages with notes he wants to discuss later on.

Just as he is about to pick up his guitar, his phone vibrates with an incoming text message, distracting him from the task at hand.

Checking the screen, its content sends a huge, sudden smile up to Blake's eyes. He's looking at a picture of Kingston, seemingly fast asleep, the familiar sight of Bear clutched in his arms, and, featured in the center of the shot, is a small, dino-adorned baseball cap still prominently sitting on his head.

Gwen's caption reads: 'He loves this so much. I tried, he won't take it off.' Accompanied by an array of emojis depicting sleeping Zzzs, a red heart, a dinosaur, and a huge grin.

Then she followed with: 'Your day going okay?'.

Blake didn't think he could feel more elated than he had this morning. With Gwen having a more realistic chance to perform and their moment alone after that, his day is going a lot more than just okay. Adding to that, Gwen is extra thoughtful and sweet to share this moment with him, but more so, she is erasing yet another small line by texting him privately, choosing her son's innocence as precursor to check in with him.

Blake feels warm, softly smiling to himself as he quickly thinks of an appropriate reply. Typing out his answer, he wishes King sweet dreams from afar and sums up his day in two more sentences for Gwen before asking how she was doing herself. Shortly after he had hit 'send', his pulse speeds up when another message with Gwen's response fills the small device in his hand. He's grinning into his phone like he's just won the lottery, already formulating a follow-up in his mind.

*

It's around 11 pm when Blake and Adam finally call it quits. As expected, Blake hasn't had an easy time with the song but they've worked it into a version that seems made for Gwen. They agreed to sleep on it until she could hear it for herself and give her input in the morning.

Once in bed, Blake stares at Gwen's latest message for that evening.

'Goodnight. See you tomorrow.' it simply said, two star-shaped symbols following for good measure.

He could almost imagine her soft tone. Gwen's presence, even on his phone, is soothing, she could touch him with only her words. Given the circumstances, he needs it. He'll see her again in the morning, that will be even better. He pushes away of how it will also be worse.

*

Wednesday

*

Gwen arrives at The Voice studio at 8 am sharp and stands in the hallway to Adams rehearsal rooms with butterflies dancing in her stomach.

She's back, she's excited about the changes in her song, and everything would be better with Blake being back in her world.

_Blake._

All she had been thinking about was their second kiss that had happened so out of the blue, and the fact that she would be returning to his team.

Both occurrences still feel like a dream.

She had imagined asking Blake countless times, a make-believe conversation playing in her head since that fateful night in the same space.

"What if I wanted to come back to your team?"

She wouldn't have mustered up the courage to ask him now, not after everything that had happened, everything he had already done for her.

She never dared imagining his answer, either, but it had been weighing on her, thinking of what he might say.

She liked Adam, she truly did, but she had chosen Blake the moment he'd spoken in her audition. In her heart she had still needed him to be her coach, to keep his promises.

Inexplicably, it had been the easiest, irrefutably right response to kiss him, fueled by sheer need to find out if the magical feeling of knowing him, of forgetting every type of fear was still there, if only for a few seconds.

God had been granting her all of her wishes with Blake right by her side.

*

This time, Gwen doesn't hesitate to acknowledge Blake first and greets him with soft-spoken morning wishes and an innocent hug while her shining eyes light up the room.

At the moment, it's only Adam with them, and he decidedly makes it a point to seem oblivious after asking how Gwen was doing.

Gwen's heart still races but she finds she can't be sure if it's because of the song she's about to hear or due to the way Blake eagerly murmurs her name and holds on to the small of her back.

She can only meet his open smile and stolen glances for so long before her face feels flushed, yet she doesn't turn away.

Their momentary spell breaks only when Sandra joins the trio, completing the team for this morning. She had taken over coordinating Gwen's schedule, prompting Adam and Blake to finish setting up while finalizing latest logistics.

"I also talked to Zoe Graham about the change in plans." Sandra recounts.

"So did I, she should be okay with everything." Adam confirms.

For Gwen it is the first time to hear about her Knockouts opponent.

She could picture the purple-haired, indie rock singer immediately. A fellow mom with twin girls, who had a big musical family and loving husband supporting her.

Extremely talented, Zoe had both Adam and Pharell turn for her in her audition. With Adam's guidance, she had gone through her Battle seemingly effortless, creating a buzz along the other contestants for being a secret favorite to go to the finale.

Zoe would not be any easy artist to go up against.

"She is," Sandra interrupts Gwen's train of thought. "No complaints on her end. She's happy about additional rehearsal time, and she'll advance by default should Gwen not be able to perform after all."

Right.

Gwen takes a deep breath.

There were too many things she had no control over. But she would believe in herself.

As if he could sense her increasing nervousness, Blake appears by Gwen's side, refocusing her attention with an unobtrusive stroke to her forearm.

"Only worry about your voice," he asks softly as he holds her eyes until she smiles back.

His look and tone say it all. He had promised she would be safe with him. They had their own plans.

Moments later, the men are ready to begin. Having decided against additional instruments, both have acoustic guitars in their laps and sheets of music by their side.

Gwen seats herself next to Sandra in quiet anticipation.

Just as Adam is about to hit 'record' on his phone, he turns to Blake with rare seriousness, his underlying concern barely disguised, despite their previous banter.

"You ready, buddy?"

Blake focuses on Gwen, his eyes gliding over her hopeful expression.

"Let's do this."

*

Picking on individual strings to find his way into the first few bars, Blake begins strumming the intro with an emotional heaviness that both befits the lyrics and sets the upcoming mood.

Followed only by minimal harmonies from Adam, his voice then seamlessly flows through the first verse.

The beginning is enough to show how they've slowed down the rhythm of the original song.

As he goes on, Blake moves through the chorus and subsequent verses with a remarkably gentle but perfectly implanted technique, each aiming to grow softer and quieter in succession, drawing in the listener's focus through pure emotion and vocal control.

Their arrangement is the complete opposite of usual build ups for anything in the pop and rock genre, but it suits the song's country essence and Gwen's circumstances so much better than Adam's previous version.

Not counting her own brief encounters, Gwen hasn't seen or heard Blake perform this up close and personal.

She couldn't take her eyes off him now.

The deep roundness in his voice eerily encompasses all the grief and hopelessness fused into the song's lyrics.

As Blake turns quieter and quieter, his interpretation becomes so emotional, so openly raw, it seems he had moved to his own world.

Right at the bridge, Blake sounds like he vehemently refuses to believe that what he was singing could actually be true and his brokenhearted efforts bring beginning tears to Gwen's eyes.

Was this how she had sounded to him, laid completely bare, withholding nothing of herself?

Even as the last few lines end on more hopeful notes, with refound faith and healing coming full circle, Blake's rendition has Gwen shaken to her core.

When she remains silent, working through her response, Blake meets her gaze again, showing Gwen in only a second how she wasn't mistaken in feeling he was deeply affected by this song.

*

Adam jumps in to fill the sudden silence in the room.

"Come on now, what to you guys think?"

Sandra gushes about how surprised she is, praising both Adam and Blake for their musical genius, before she instantly jumps into ideas about how to twist the new take for the media department.

Blake's hoarse voice nearly interrupts her at one point, putting his focus on the blonde woman opposite him.

"What about you, Gwen?"

"It's perfect," Gwen only whispers, heart still overflowing with thoughts and emotion. "I can't even tell you much I love it."

"Good."

With only a word, Blake sets his guitar to the side and then unexpectedly excuses himself, mumbling something about needing to go for coffee.

The sudden act is so untypical for him, it leaves a bewildered Gwen and two mildly puzzled co-workers behind.

Again it is Adam's position to take over. They have less than two hours until filming begins and both Blake and Adam still have to get ready.

Adam confirms the recording on his phone is suitable for Gwen to use at home. His plans are also to make another recording and set up rehearsal instructions for the band's guitarists. If necessary, Adam would put in extra time the next night to make sure things would go smoothly on that end.

In the meantime, Sandra will take Gwen for her wardrobe, make-up, and hairdressing appointments.

As per their strategy, all three will be kept simple and condensed for Gwen's sake while also making up for lost time.

Adam assures them he'll have the adjusted sheet music and Gwen's recording ready for her to take home as soon as she gets back.

Blake returns about fifteen minutes later, when Gwen and Sandra were just about to head downstairs.

Visibly more collected, he now carries a cardboard holder with four paper cups steaming through their lids.

He's quick to hand the first two beverages to their grateful recipients, proving first to Sandra and then to Adam that he pays attention to what they like.

With an apologetic expression he then turns to Gwen.

"Cappuccino, no sugar, extra splash of vanilla," he offers softly.

Gwen grins widely and blushes. He got it perfectly right.

With Sandra watching and waiting, Gwen's gaze swerves to the floor as she thanks Blake, but she makes it a point to secretly hold on the cup still in his hand, allowing their fingers to keep touching for as long as the moment allowed.

*

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it's only a mini-update this time. Writing going slow at the moment, but I promise I'm still working continuously on finally getting them through the Knockouts. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. :)

 

*

When Gwen arrives at her mom's house, she is fully exhausted.

In the studio she had been able to push these feelings away, but once back in the car it had hit her how draining the morning activities had been.

Her appetite hasn't come back, but she wills herself to finish a small bowl of yogurt and banana before heading upstairs to change into something more comfortable.

On her phone, Adam's recording plays on repeat, over and over, as it has since she left the studio. It still fills the room while she is getting ready for a much needed nap.

Without realizing, Gwen actually falls asleep to it, the song's new melody and Blake's haunted voice now permeating her subconsciousness.  
  
*  
  
Small warm hands tickle her face as the music still runs softly in the background hours later.  
  
"Momma...," a hushed childish whisper fills the room. "Time to wake up, momma."  
  
Kingston sits cross-legged by her side and smiles wide-eyed when Gwen rubs her eyes and settles her gaze on him.  
  
"Hey, baby boy." She opens her arms. "Come here, you."  
  
King giggles and scrambles into Gwen's embrace.  
  
"I missed you today. Did you have fun playing?"  
  
"Lots and lots. Like, Sam and me had all his legos out, and we built a huge fort, and then in the end, we just smashed it."  
  
"You smashed it? All of it?" Gwen asks in mock-disbelief while King only fidgets with more innocent glee.  
  
"Yup," her son exclaims excitedly.  
  
"So, did you come up to get me for dinner now?"  
  
"Uhu."  
  
"What smells so good?"  
  
"Chicken soup. To make you feel better, grandma says."  
  
"Momma's already much, much better 'cause all of your hugs and kisses."

Gwen tickles her son's back and Kingston squirms in delight. "But I need two more minutes of cuddle time." She revels in the moment of having her son snuggled to her, safe and happy. She'll soak up any opportunity like this.  
  
Kingston is happy to comply, dropping his head on her chest.  
  
"That's Mr. Blake singing," he eventually mumbles.  
  
"You're right, that's him."  
  
"Why is he so sad?"  
  
Gwen hugs her son a little tighter. "It's a sad song, honey."  
  
"I don't like him being sad."  
  
"Me neither, baby. But it's just for the song."  
  
"Okay." King's small voice sounds hopeful.  
  
Dear God, Gwen still hopes she is right.

*

Later that night, Gwen's mom tucks her in like she used to when Gwen had been a young girl. Kingston is already asleep in the small bedroom long deemed his own in this house.

"You got everything you need?"

"Thanks mom. I'm all set."

Gwen takes another slow sip of her lukewarm sage tea.

"Alright sweetheart, don't be too long."

Gwen knows she won't sleep. She's wide awake now and she'll be up half the night, actually studying her new arrangement without daylight's distractions. Her rhythm may be all over the place, but she is grateful for the chance to take her own notes and do what she needs to do until she feels ready.

"I'll try. Love you, mom."

"Love you, too, honey."  
  
  
*  
 Thursday  
*  
  
Early next morning, Gwen's own rehearsal begins with a flurry of activities she had not seen coming. She barely has the opportunity to take in the number of people gathered around when she hears Adam's loud protests echoing from the hall.  
  
"No extra stuff for Gwen, we agreed on that! Why on earth are there camera teams, Sandra?"  
  
Her attempts to appease the singer sound practiced but no less quiet.  
  
"Listen. I like this as little as you do. We won't have Gwen singing or talking but we do need to capture some stills and mood shots from your rehearsal. That's simply the best compromise for everyone involved."  
  
Adam continues grumbling. They have less than three hours this morning and he hates loosing any of it.  
  
"Better make it quick," he finally says with a glaring expression.  
  
"Well, right now we need Gwen to change into something more fitting, so why don't we get going."  
  
They whisk her away before she can even set down her bag. Once Gwen returns, she has immediately entered the spotlight.

The outfitters have put her in light blue skinny jeans, dark cowboy boots, and a well-fitted flannel, checkered in forest green and light greys. With hair loosely braided to each side of her head, Gwen now matches the typical country girl look. She doesn't quite know what to make of it.  
  
Adam pretty much only rolls his eyes at Sandra and their decision to be that obvious, but it's the very sweet and surprised grin from Blake that makes up Gwen's mind. She rather liked how comfortable she felt. It wasn't a half-bad look at all.  
  
With everyone mostly in place, Gwen gets situated, but the frenzy around her, lightening being adjusted, camera's zooming in and out, make-up people doing touch-ups, makes it increasingly difficult to focus. With her experience it really shouldn't be, so far she's not even close to proving the abilities Adam and Blake had applauded her on.  
  
As of now, Gwen is barely getting through her warm-up and Adam tries not to show his frustration.  
  
Meanwhile, Blake is watching from the side. In this setting, he is a solemn spectator, his jawline tense and brows furrowed together, when he believes nobody is watching.

Lingering on what effect her singing might have on him doesn't make things easier for Gwen, though this time she isn't certain if it wouldn't be more the song itself than her own voice. Out of the corner of her eyes, she studies him and wonders when he had properly slept for the last time. She couldn't have know it had been the one night she had spent in his arms several weeks ago.  
   
As Gwen attempts another run-through and is being interrupted for the third time, Adam looses his cool. Abruptly he stands and paces up and down one side of the room before he decidedly joins Blake. Though quietly, the men exchange heated words.  
   
Then Adam simply explodes.  
  
"Sorry guys, all of you need to leave. Everybody out, right now!" His voice booms through the room. "This isn't working!"  
  
"We're almost done," Sandra counters.  
  
"No! You are done! You want a performance tomorrow, you gotta leave or we can send Gwen home and that'll be it! Your choice. Not up for discussion!"  
  
Shocked, Gwen simply stares at him. So is Sandra, the wheels in her head turning fast. Then she huffs.

"Don't make me regret this, Levine."

"Sure won't, darling. You'll thank me later." Adam grins sneakily, knowing he's got the upper hand once more.  
  
Gwen watches in heavy silence as person after person with their equipment hastily collected files out of the room.  
  
When they're finally alone, she takes a deep breath to face Adam.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Nah," the singer winks at her, relaxing into the couch right by her side. "Not your fault. I swear, this place gets too crazy sometimes. You shouldn't have to deal with it. So, a little bluff at the right moment apparently works wonders." He grins like a little boy again.  
  
Gwen doesn't believe him. None of this is a joke to her. Only when Blake joins them and moves to stand behind her, his hand resting gently on her shoulder, does Gwen begin to feel better about the morning. Barely noticeable, she relaxes back into his touch.  
  
"Let's just start over," Adam continues. "Take a few minutes, get something to eat. We'll meet back in ten."

*

The short break works wonders for Gwen.  
  
Blake has been trying to distract her with some silly jokes, and while he's drinking coffee and she's picking on a muffin, she hasn't been able to keep herself from smiling at him. She has no clue why or how it's working, but his soft blue eyes keep warming her from the inside out.  
  
The second time around, Gwen is ready when the three of them reconvene. She gets through her warm-up with relative ease. Her voice, though fine and careful, holds steady. The stabbing pains associates with her earlier attempts at singing now gone, Gwen closes her eyes in gratitude. Adam seems equally pleased.  
  
"Very nice. Let's not go for more than eighty percent today and we'll save the rest for tomorrow."  
  
Gwen nods in understanding.  
  
"Blake? You good to take over?"  
  
The tall singer joins Gwen with his guitar. They're in Adam's rooms but the other coach clearly intents to give them space. He knows too well that neither of them would be there if it weren't for Blake.  
  
"Alright?" Blake simply asks, searching Gwen's face. He finds her gently waiting for him.  
  
"Always," it escapes her before she can catch herself.

More warmth fills her cheeks as their eyes lock and Blake's dimples softly pop into visibility.  
  
*  



	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this with a little bit of a cliffhanger warning. And maybe bring a tissue...?

 

*

Blake begins the intro and slowly sends his fingers over the guitar in his lap. Gwen is fully turned towards him, their knees are touching, neither motioning to move away.

From his position, Adam follows them closely and sees for himself what his friend had talked about. In finding her way through the first verse ever so softly, Gwen is protecting everything she has while purely focusing on the manner she uses to embody her emotions.

There's no way to tell this is her first time rehearsing in this particular style, rather Gwen singing in this unfamiliar way  unveils the other kind of gift Blake had discovered in her. Low and carefully drawn out, the softness of her voice creates a quality that is even more raw and more beautiful. Unsurprising, her interpretation is one of a grieving mother, her tone and emphasis appearing like second nature. The whole thing sends goosebumps up and down Adam's arms.

The second verse is a replica of the same and Adam notices something else. Mesmerized by Gwen, Blake is following her every inhale and exhale, his undiluted attention on her face as the chords on his instrument almost play themselves.

Gwen, in turn, has immaculate sense for Blake's rhythm without needing to look at him. She's picked a spot on the wall for focus yet is effortlessly able to balance her vocal emotion and intensity with Blake's tender flow through the arrangement.

Before Adam is ready to put a name to his observations, they're already finishing on a quiet note and take a moment to let everything settle.

For a split second Blake's expression falls away, the pained play on his features Adam expected only simmering below, but Blake catches himself and smiles softly when Gwen now looks directly at him, both barely aware that Adam is in the room with them.

"What do you think?"

"Everythin' about you is beautiful."

"Blake!" she gasps in low whisper, her eyes widening. She misses a beat. "About the song?" she corrects throatily.

"The same. You're amazing."

Gwen lightly shakes her head, half in attempts to will away the deep blush threatening to overtake her composure and half in persistent disbelief.

"Doesn't feel that way."

"You're still worried?"

She shrugs with a confirming half nod, looking to the floor. She doesn't like admitting it.

"Something's missing."

Adam was quite certain Gwen wouldn't have been so open had anyone else been asking. It was better this way, though. The more they knew as coaches, the easier it was to be supportive.

Before Adam could try and jump in, Blake was already way ahead of him.

"Anything you feel like changing?"

Blake watches Gwen patiently, admiration and warmth in his expression.

"Not really. It's perfect just like this."

"Then trust your instincts, this song's entirely yours now."

Blake's voice breaks a little.

Gwen holds his gaze for a long moment, her vulnerability finding encouragement in his eyes, next to something else that's so familiar coming from him.  
  
"Would you just sing with me?"

From the side, Adam can see Blake crumble. Nonetheless his friend doesn't look for a way out. Unbeknownst to Adam, Blake couldn't even think of refusing when it had been the same way he asked Gwen to trust him only weeks ago.

"Yeah. Sure. We can do that."

Visible relief eases through Gwen's posture as Blake has another suggestion. His voice still in that caring tone that softens her insides.

"You wanna record this maybe?"

Gwen nods enthusiastically and collects her phone from somewhere in her bag to set it up. Momentarily distracted by the device in her hand, she doesn't notice the extended look that passes between Adam and Blake.

For this run-through, all of Blake fills her field of vision. With a questioning look from him and her corresponding smile, she motions that she's ready.

Gwen sways lightly as Blake begins the intro for a second time, pulling her along to gently hum the first verse's melody. It's not so much that Blake directly leads her, but his own voice, all gravelly and round, somehow secures the ground for Gwen. Guided by his warm tones, and accompanied by only his guitar, Gwen begins to glows. She remains hesitant to fill her capacity where the chorus requires it, but eventually she finds her footing.

Blake is steady where she wavers. He trusts her voice, and so does she when he's leading only where he believes she can go. Magically, their tones and emotions blend together, smoothly fusing into one voice and one heart following the lyrical progression. It's inexplicable to Blake how he gets through in one piece. His emotion matches Gwen bar for bar, and as much as he focuses on her, his features still darken the longer they go on. By the end of the outro, Blake is ashen-faced and Gwen no longer cares about her performance.

*

Hours and hours later, after watching Blake barely hold himself up when he softly hugged her goodbye, after determinedly cornering Adam and insisting on getting answers without paying attention to the forcefulness of her voice, after arriving home still in shock and not hearing from Blake all day long, after unsuccessfully trying to rest and playing their recording in endless succession in a state of near tears, after absentmindedly cuddling Kingston all through dinner and allowing him rare weeknight cartoon time, after having a heart-to-heart with her mom and eventually putting her son to bed, after promising him he would see her in the morning and humming him to sleep, Gwen finally decides to call for another car and asks to be driven half way across the city as nighttime settles over them.

At her destination she puts a newly-memorized code into the security box to a gated entryway and walks up to an unfamiliar house.

She rings the doorbell and waits. When there's no response after the first minute passes, she tries again.

*

After a second ring, Blake is certain he hasn't imagined it. Someone's at the door. He doesn't know if he's annoyed or not, but he wants them to go away. It's late, he's not up for company.

The ringing persists.

Where it had been tentative at first, it seemed insistent now. By the fourth time, he is finally dragging himself down the hallway and opens the front-door.

The empty look on his face is quickly replaced by a mixture of being puzzled and shocked. It takes him a few seconds and a double take to respond to his unexpected visitor.

"Gwen?"

His voice is slow and brittle, betraying all earlier appearance.

"Hi," she says softly, arms slung loosely around her middle. Her anxious brown eyes settle right on him. She is biting her lower lip.

Gwen was a sight for sore eyes, yet the heavy expression on Blake face remains.

"How'd you get here?" he mumbles. "What's going on?"

"Adam," Gwen states without further explanation. "I needed to see you."

"'kay. What's wrong? You feelin' alright?"

It didn't make sense that Gwen would come to his house like this, unless she had a very good reason. He wanted to be there for her, he really did, but this was the worst possible night. All the same, Blake musters every bit of energy and tries to focus on her.  
  
Gwen's gaze softens and washes over him, his forlorn blue eyes more prominent as she takes a step closer to him.

"I'm not here for me. I'm fine. But I know you're not," she reveals hesitantly.

Blake doesn't answer. It's becoming difficult to think clearly. Dear God, he really has tried to keep it together. It's so much harder at night, with Gwen standing there, looking like an angel just for him, shining warm and soft and beautiful.

"Could I maybe come inside?" she asks quietly.

Mutely, Blake steps aside. When Gwen passes him, a finely-scented cloud of sea-salt and vanilla follows her. He closes the door as he inhales and turns around to face her. He cannot help but notice how the subdued light from the nearest wall actually shimmers over the crown of her head. Her hair looks golden this way. So pretty. Always so pretty.

It feels like the most natural response for Blake to lean back against the wooden frame and then somehow, in the same motion, he begins to slide towards the ground. For a man his size, he goes down fast, resting his elbows on bent knees once he hits the floor.

With his eyes shut, Blake doesn't see how Gwen crouches down beside him, but he feels her proximity when her palm reaches for his lower arm in a soft squeeze.

"Blake..., you with me?"

Gwen's innate tenderness barely masks her concern.

Blake hums and leans his head in her direction. From the side, Gwen faces him and scoots close until her jeans-covered legs rest against his.

With another minimal turn, Blake lets his forehead fall into the crook of Gwen's shoulder and her left hand comes up lightly against the back of his head.

" 'm glad you're here," he mumbles.

"Me too," she whispers back.

Gwen has never heard him sound this small. His increasingly lagging reactions were alarming, to say the least. Uncertain how to proceed, she lightly circles her fingertips over the top of Blake's curls. She barely knew him like this, but she was adamant she wanted to stay with him.

"Did you get drunk tonight?" she probes hesitantly although she couldn't smell anything on him.

Blake shakes his head.

"Don't do that 'nymore. Just took somethin'."

"What did you take?"

"Sleepin' pill. Jus' for t'night."

"Only the one?"

"Yeah. 's safe."

"Okay. That's okay, Blake."

God, Gwen was relieved.

"You couldn't sleep..." she clarifies more for herself than for him.

Blake shakes his head and sighs into her skin. Gwen closes her eyes for a moment. It makes all the sense in the world.

"How'd you know?" Blake asks tiredly.

"The last couple of days, in rehearsals, I could just tell."

Gwen's soft statement carries a world of emotions. She knows she is not done.

"Adam told me. I made him, after you left today," Gwen gingerly whispers her confession. It's the condensed version of events that had left her shaken and upset for the rest of the day.

As if to brace them both, she reaches her right arm up to wrap around Blake's shoulder. Blake doesn't resist her embrace, rather he sinks more into her hug, almost hiding his face to avoid hearing what came next.

"He...uhm. He said I've been singing about your family. How it's been your song all along. He said you had a brother..."

Gwen repeats the painful truth with all her compassion, renewing mist of unshed tears collecting in her eyes. Wearing her heart on her sleeves, she had already cried for him in her mother's arms while attempting an explanation.

Blake had never performed the song himself, Adam had said. He had simply given it to the singer who had made it famous, who had made her career with all of Blake's chords, all of his lyrics, years after he had written it. By his own choosing, his involvement was never made public. Even Adam hadn't known until Gwen's song choice came up when she had been in the hospital.

But Blake had let it go right there and then, worried sick about Gwen instead.

Right by his side, it is Blake non-reaction, the paralyzed tension in his body, broken only by irregularly sharp and shuddering breaths, which now crumbles Gwen's resolve to stay strong. To her it's innately instinctive to be heartbroken with him. She slides her hands to each side of Blake's face, wet scruff meeting her palms, the touch of her closed lips on his temple as her eyes brim over.

"I'm so, so sorry," Gwen murmurs.

With each exhale, she sways them infinitesimally, raw hurt for Blake echoing in her heart.

Eventually, her words subside and she strokes her hand up and down his back, her petite form barely able to fully reach around.

It doesn't seem like she gets through to him.

 

*

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and commenting. It means a lot!


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but all I have to share. I love them so much...  
> Thank you for reading ♥
> 
> P.S. I think I had some trouble uploading this chapter the first time around. Tried again. Sorry for any confusion.

 

*

At one point, Gwen's legs begin to cramp and as much as she hates it, she is forced to break away ever so slowly and stretch out her limbs.

The loss of contact seems to shake Blake out of his trance. Almost immediately, a guttural plead escapes him. "Don't go! Please..."

Ignoring all discomfort, Gwen sinks straight back into his arms and in return Blake now clings to her, enveloping her in a bear hug so tight it barely leaves room for Gwen to maneuver her arms around his middle.

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere," she whispers fervently and her words seem to undo something else as Blake cradles Gwen to his chest like a man who has known more grief than a lifetime could hold.

He buries his face in her hair. "You were 'n the hospital."

"I know...it's okay now," she tries soothingly, not knowing where his thoughts were coming from. His wet face leaves a trail of warm drops on her skin. She wanted so much to dry his tears like he had hers, but holding on to him seemed to be more what Blake needed at this moment.

"Ad'm called. Said you were in the hospital...," Blake repeats barely audible, "...same as Richie."

The sudden pit in Gwen's stomach leaves little room to breathe. She tightens her embrace the last possible inch, the muscles in Blake's back rigid and shaking beneath her hands.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she keeps whispering through the lump in her chest.

She couldn't possibly compare to his brother, but she's been given a glimpse into Blake's world.

It's a long time until his body finally yields to her.

Gwen takes a few deep breaths.

She's learned to look at darkness from all sides. It wouldn't get any lighter, only by truly looking she'd eventually find a way through.

"Would you tell me about him?" she asks softly. "Just a little bit?"

Blake needs a while to respond, he doesn't shut her down.

" 's not a nice story," he mumbles.

"Doesn't have to be for me to listen," Gwen whispers back. "You don't need to do this alone anymore."

She wants to say more, so much more, yet in the jumble of her own emotions words fail her. For the moment, her presence seems to be enough to encourage Blake. Through his broken words and half sentences, an image begins to take shape.

A night in late winter. A car accident. The phone call that changed his family's life. A young teenage boy who felt invisible witnessing his mother's grief, unable to deal with the loss himself, watching and waiting in distress until faith brought her back to him. Years later, now a young man on the brink of adulthood, about to leave his home. Making a pact with his brother in heaven to watch over their family while the boy would put all trauma that tied him down into one song and vowed to live life to the fullest for the brother who would never get the chance.

She doesn't know how long she holds him afterwards.

Blake had been right. All of his story was heartbreaking.

*

"Let's get you somewhere else, 'kay? Up from the floor?" Gwen suggests softly.

Blake nods in slow motion and rearranges his long limbs per her instructions.

Once standing, Gwen has a tender grasp on his hand, her other rubbing slow circles on his back. She's made up her mind to take over for both of them.

Gently Gwen tugs him along the hallway and coaxes him to show her where he sleeps. On the way, she gets glimpses of the dimly lit house. An open-plan kitchen connecting to a living room area, floor-length windows with huge sliding doors likely leading outside, stairs they follow up to a second level. From the little she can see, it's a nice, albeit bare, sparingly furnished place. Not quite what she had imagined.

Blake's bedroom at last seems more personal. She carefully steers him through the door to sit down on the edge of his bed, an over-sized model with inviting, soft-looking grey sheets and pillows.

Once he's plopped down on the mattress, she lightly runs her hands over his shoulders.

"Wait here for me. I'll be just a sec."

Within a minute she's gone back downstairs to find and fill a glass with water and managed to turn off any obvious lights safe for his dim bedside lamp.

Blake hasn't moved except for closing his eyes momentarily.

"Hey," Gwen softly cups his cheek as she moves close to stand before him. "Drink this for me?"

Blake takes a few careful sips and Gwen keeps her hand on his face, ready to take the glass and set it aside.

When she turns back around, Blake simply sways and leans forwards, his head now resting against her stomach. He sighs deeply as one of Gwen's arms moves around to his back to deepen her hug.

"Blake," she whispers to his hair. "What do you need?"

Truthfully, he wanted to turn back time to erase the night of the accident, but he had already wished for that every single day since Richie died. Here and now, he was left with his own life.

"You. Only you, please."

His raspy voice is so broken it brings more tears to Gwen's eyes.

"I'm right here, sweet boy."

The endearment had been waiting in her heart all day. There's no more fighting it. Unspoken, he's become hers. More unspoken, she intends to keep him, if he'd allow so.

" 'm so tired," Blake mumbles into her embrace.

"Why don't you lie down?"

She feels the slow shake of his head against her shirt before she hears him protest.

"...stay with you, few more minutes..."

"You need to get some sleep. I promise, I'm not going anywhere."

"You need t' be hom' with Kingston," Blake dejectedly insists in a tone so low she cannot help but wonder how lonely he truly might have been.

"He's all tucked in and dreaming," Gwen counters softly. She combs her fingers through his hair. "I can stay."  
  
Her magic words let Blake sigh against her stomach in unmistakable relief.

It takes Gwen little effort then to coax him fully into bed before she joins him. Propped up against bigger pillows, she leans back against the headboard with ease. It's unfamiliar but not at all uncomfortable to settle into Blake's space like this, his sheets an unbelievably soft cotton blend, carrying his scent.

Through her arms' silent invitation, Blake curls his upper body into Gwen's lap and heavily sinks against her. Her fingers reclaim their space, slowly weaving along his scalp. His head pounds from the tension of holding on too long. As if she'd known, Gwen's soft lips on his forehead draw away all strain.

He wants to stay like this, head tucked into her warm body, her small hands caressing his face. He doesn't have to pretend when she holds him like this and reaches parts of him long abandoned.

"My sweet, sweet boy," Gwen murmurs as Blake finally closes his eyes. "I'm right here. You're safe now. I won't let darkness take you away. Go to sleep, I'm right here with you."

 _And I love you,_ her heart trembles its secret message through all of her whispers and gentle ministrations. _Let me love you through this, sweet boy,_ it begs in silent prayer. _  
_

*

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.P.S. I meant to add, I do have a new twitter account - @3HKate. It wont be shefani-related, but now you know, I'm there. ♥


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tiniest of tiny updates. Believe me, I did not believe this scene would be ready today or I would have been waiting with yesterday's chapter. Either way, I love it too much to hold it back, so here we go. Been listening to "Secret Santa" throughout the day and somehow the magic of words happened. ♥
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! G+B will play more 'Secret Santa' when you comment ;-)

 

*

Friday - Last day of Knockouts

*

Early morning light filters through the room.

Sprawled out over Blake's pillows and enclosed by his sheets, Gwen wakes up alone.

At first she is alarmed, blinking away remnants of the little sleep she got, but then sounds of low clanging and wafts of coffee find her senses and somehow these put her at ease.

Gwen stretches for a few seconds before rolling over. Never a morning person, she stumbles into Blake's bathroom where she spends more time than necessary washing her face and combing fingers through her hair in near-futile attempts to tame it. Using a new toothbrush inconspicuously sitting by the sink, Gwen briefly studies herself in the mirror. Blake has seen her without make-up at least once, she believes, and she won't mind that it will happen again. Somehow, with him, she doesn't even think about having to cover up all the time.

Slightly more awake and prepared to continue her mission, Gwen is ready to follow the earlier sounds and slowly makes her way downstairs.

On the last step, she is met with the sight of Blake before he becomes aware of her. He is freshly shaven, hair still wet, and barefoot, in a dark pair of jeans and a shirt she particularly likes on him.

Her opportunity to study him further passes as Blake turns to her and for a brief moment his melancholic expression changes to light up the room.

His smile is beautiful. Unguarded in inhabiting the handsome man she's known as her coach and the sweet boy inside, vulnerable in his own sense, all in the way his eyes are shaded by darkness still, yet full of love the instant he notices her presence.

"Gwen."

Her name almost flutters from his mouth.

She smiles back widely and closes the few remaining steps between them.

Blake doesn't say anything else except for the smallest "c'mere," before she stands up on her toes to link her arms tightly around his neck.

Deeply inhaling, Blake draws her to his heart in an embrace so long it becomes a moment of willing time to still while he's quietly thanking every angel in heaven for sending Gwen his way.

His feelings from the day before weren't gone. They would never be, Blake knew that for a fact, but in time he would be able to let them settle back into the place where they'd allow him to enjoy all other things that made life worth living. The sweetest example already in his arms, sleepily nuzzling her nose into the crook of his shoulder.

Blake smooths his palm alongside Gwen's face, pausing gently to cover her temple with a small, unassuming kiss. She locks his eyes to her bottomless gaze of shimmering cocoa, evoking a sensation truly not from this world. He trails the pad of his thumb in a half-circle over her cheek and she's still watching him, mirroring all the pain they've both known through offering a heart's depth of comfort.

Drawn by the unspoken, it becomes the moment Blake leans in and kisses her on his own accord. A chaste, soft caress of her lips; first once, then a second time, just as deliberately.

They still at the contact, neither drawing away until Gwen squeezes his shoulder and lightly blushes with an adorable, bashful smile. She tucks her head back below his chin and Blake cannot help but brush his hands slowly up and down her back.

*

Once they manage to get going, Blake doesn't let go of Gwen's hand. They've both had coffee. They've talked about the day's schedule, if very little. Gwen's throat felt fine, Blake had asked more than once.

He was fit to drive, he said. He wanted to take her home himself; to her mom's rather, with Kingston due to be up not long before he would get her there.

Blake keeps their hands linked during the drive, a soft grasp on Gwen's fingers whenever possible. She has turned sideways to face him, the car's gentle humming nearly enough to lull her back to sleep, if only she were able to take her eyes off of Blake's profile.

They don't feel the need to speak, savoring their quiet union accompanied only by some songwriter's softly sung verses.

 

 

 


	32. Chapter 32

*

"Will you come inside?"

Blake has parked the car in her mother's driveway and Gwen travels her gaze over his features, now silent and solemn, before settling on how the blue in his eyes turns to a darker shade. She squeezes his palm.

"I don't like you being alone," she says truthfully. "It's only Kingston and my mom. You don't need to say much, or do anything even. You could just come in, have some breakfast with us."

"I..., uhm. 'm not really hungry," Blake replies, the throaty sound of his voice revealing his state of mind.

"I know..." Gwen's thumb circles across the back of his hand before she gives him another squeeze, "... just be with us."

After another few moments, indecision prominent in his every gesture, Blake eventually nods his consent.

"Okay then".

He didn't remotely feel like seeing anybody else, but for a few more hours it would be easier, and so comforting, to let Gwen look out for him before he would be forced to switch his TV persona back on.

They let go of each other while exiting the vehicle, but Gwen is back at Blake's side in an instant, moving in for a tender hug and a smile so beautiful, he knew exactly why he couldn't refuse her.

Patti meets them at door before Gwen could even find her keys.

"I heard the car, honey," she says and greets her daughter. Then she turns to Blake, engulfing him in a much longer, motherly embrace.

"So good to see you again, Blake."

She didn't seem surprised for him to be there.

"Come on in, you two. Coffee's almost ready."

She only laughs when Blake thanks her with a proper 'Ma'am' thrown in, and guides him towards the kitchen.

"Kington's still in bed, Gwenny, if you want to go up."

Carefully, Gwen checks with Blake, her questioning look enough to ask if he'd be okay with only her mother for a few minutes. Blake nods back as Patti begins to fuss over him, however inconspicuously.

Gwen finds her son curled up on his side, face half hidden between mattress and pillow, one foot sticking out from underneath the sheets. With a small grin, she crouches down by his bed and runs her index finger lightly across the naked skin on his sole until King quirms abruptly and pulls his foot back in with a tiny grunt.

"I'm back, sleepyhead," Gwen whispers to him, trying to subdue a laugh. "Good morning."

King sighs and scoots closer, snuggling into the curve of her arm as Gwen brushes strands of mussed hair away from his forehead.

"Momma...," he mumbles sleepily. "Miss me?"

"Every second of every minute of every hour, sweet boy," she murmus and kisses his cheek. "There's someone downstairs I think you missed too."

Few minutes later, Kingston shuffles into the kitchen behind Gwen, rubbing his eyes, still in a half-asleep daze. When he catches sight of the tall figure sitting at the kitchen table, his face lights up all at once and he sprints the few remaining steps towards Blake.

"Mr. Blake," he exclaims in a high pitch as Blake leans down and opens his arms to the young boy.

"Mr. Blake," King mumbles once more with a sleeply smile buried in Blake's chest, "you're back!"

"Hey, little buddy."

Blake's voice catches in the back of his throat, evidence of his surprise at the boy's unhindered affection. He couldn't help but rub Kingston's back in response.

The boy seemed content to stay in their embrace until Blake draws back minimally and runs his hand over King's forehead, similar to Gwen's previous motion. "You gonna sit next to me? Help me out for breakfast?"

Kingston nods vigorously and beams up at his big friend before he suddenly squirms and wriggles free.

"Be right back!" he half-shouts in an afterthought while making a beeline out of the room and audibly dashing up the stairs.

Blake catches Gwen's light smile as she moves to stand beside him, one hand rubbing over his shoulder briefly.

On Kingston's way down, Gwen catches him in the hallway.

"Baby, hold on. Come here for a sec."

Now prominently wearing his little dinosaur cap, Kingston makes a full stop and impatiently hops from one leg to another.

"Mr. Blake's waiting, Momma."

"I know, honey. I need to tell you something first. Listen, please?"

"Uhu." Kingston stills, adopting a more serious expression.

"Mr. Blake's not feeling well this morning. So we're gonna let him be quiet, if he wants to be. Okay?"

"Is he sick, too?"

"No, darling. A little sad," Gwen softens the truth. "But he likes you very, very much. So it won't be because of you when he doesn't feel like talking, alright love? That's all I wanted you to know."

Kingston nods softly. "It's okay to be sad sometimes."

"Exactly. And we'll show him we're still his friends, even when he's feeling sad, won't we?"

Kingston agrees quietly and moves to wrap his arms around Gwen's neck to give her a gentle squeeze.

*  
.  
Blake grins when mother and son enter the kitchen again and he recognizes the cap Kingston wears so proudly.

The boy marches back to his side and lifts his arms, watching the singer with big eyes.

"One more hug?" he asks and grins when Blake scoops him up right away.

"C'mere. You alright, buddy?"

Kingston slings his arms around Blake's neck and hums.

"I'm happy you're here. An' hugs make every day better."

God, that little boy.

"They sure do."

Blake taps the tiny visor in tender response and is rewarded with one of Kingston's infectious giggles.

The rest of breakfast is a lowkey event with increasingly soothing dynamics of Gwen's family washing over him. Blake finds he doesn't mind. It's easy to let himself get lost in their warm conversation and lean back knowing they weren't expecting anything of him. They let him serve himself, and all he takes is half a piece of toast and a couple spoonfuls of scrambled eggs until he catches on and finds Kingston determinedly mirroring his minimal choices.

"Share a pancake with me?"

Blake suggests on the spot and motions towards the big pile in front of them once the boy looks up to him.

King lights up with a grin and slides his plate next to Blake's.

"Oh, yes!"

"Banana?"

"Uhu." Kingston claps excitedly.

Blake quickly becomes preoccupied with cutting bite-sized portions for King and declines with a soft shake of his head when Gwen motions to take over. The boy's innocence alleviates something in him and he will take every moment of it he can get. The pair of them end up eating two more pancakes this way and Kingston falls halfway of his chair in loud giggles that match his mother's after Blake shows him how to fold bacon inside and calls his a mancake.

"Easy there, buddy." Blake's arm extends in a stretch around the boy. "Table's this way."

Kingston pulls himself up straight and leans into Blake's side. Shortly after the boy pats his belly.

"All full now, Mr. Blake. Thank you."

He softly grins up to his tall neighbor and Blake's chest constricts at the trust shining in his small face.

"S'time you drop the formalities, I think. Just call me Blake."

Kingston pauses with an inhale and wide eyes.

"Momma says to always mind my manners."

"You got enough practice with me, King. Blake is fine, if your Momma agrees."

When he looks to Gwen there's no hesitation in her agreement, and her lips form into an equally wide smile. Blake gets lost in her eyes for more than a few seconds as Kingston wriggles and sing-songs in happy practice beside him.

"Bla-hake. Blakeee Blake. Blakeyyy."

Gwen tries to stifle another laugh but fails miserably and she ends up shooting him a look that says something like, "well, you asked for it..." while she reaches out to graze his knee.

After another second, with her mom currently occupied at the sink, she leans over and murmurs to him with a soft wink.

" _Blakey_ 's super cute on you".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for bearing with me in this ultra slow pace. ♥


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this is not an actual update - although that was all I've hoped and worked for this month. As of today, my current progress on this final chapter for this first part of the story got corrupted and lost (thank you, laptop) and I have now decided to end right here.
> 
> I refuse to let technicalities beat me down - but I do desperately need a mental and creative break and have for quite a while. I've been writing this story for over a year, it's my first and my baby, yet still I want and need a break to focus on writing something else Shefani and to come back fresh and with a proper outline for part 2.
> 
> Here's hoping these circumstances are good for something. I look forward to coming back next year! Thank you so incredibly much for reading this far and for each single kudo and comment you've sent. ♥
> 
> Happy holidays and much love
> 
> Kate ♥♥

~ Shefani Love ~


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